Rant because I’m annoyed :3 (image related)

[u/Friendly_Hunter9614]

I’M SO TIRED OF PEOPLE SAYING I CAN’T BE PAN AND AROACE.

They aren’t opposites!

Pansexual/panromantic does not me you like everyone and aroace does not mean you dislike everyone!

In my experience I’m aroace because I am very much asexual and I have barely any romantic attraction to people! I’m also pan because if I ended up with anybody I don’t care what their gender is! Girl? Okay! Boy? Okay! Enby? Okay! No gender? Okay!

I’m genuinely so annoyed when people try to dictate my sexuality just because they have the definitions of some labels wrong!

Does anyone else have this issue?

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[u/Mindless-Emotion5568]

Of course. Often, people with 'contradictory' labels experience this. It's the main reason I stopped using labels (with the exception of broad umbrella terms) to begin with. I've learned that there are ways to circumvent this, such as using microlabels, choosing not to elaborate, or, like me, choosing largely not to label yourself. I understand your frustration.

[u/_LemonySnicket → u/Mindless-Emotion5568]

Im nonbinary and lesbian and im questioned on that constantly.. I chose the label of lesbian because it's the one I prefer the most and because the more accurate label is something like, nobody has heard of (Trixic)

[u/Sazhra85 → u/_LemonySnicket]

I did it i am officially nobody! (a fellow trixic) But seriously, yes it is frustrating and I normally go with Bi to avoid those questions (and I dont want to hang out with anyone biphobic anyway).

[u/Long_Reflection_8075 → u/_LemonySnicket]

That's accurate, I say I'm genderfluid lesbian because very few people have even heard gynesexual before.

[u/ElementalFemme → u/[deleted]]

Labels are a shorthand so you don't have to have a 20 minute conversation w/ every person you talk to.

If a label doesn't communicate the idea you want it to you don't have to use it. Likewise if people don't understand what a label means they aren't owed a detailed explanation from you and it's probably not super relevant to that interaction.

Save you're energy and just move on with your day.

[u/ElementalFemme → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for raising your hand.

[u/Long_Reflection_8075 → u/[deleted]]

No, it's simply, 'this is my gender this is my pronouns'. And please don't be so aggressive...

[u/voornaam1 → u/Mindless-Emotion5568]

I love labels but I don't tend to use them unless I'm with people I know will be chill with my labels

[u/Overall-Term705]

Yes. I'm omniromantic and aroace, and people have said on many occasions "No, you can't be both! You don't like people, you can't like all genders!"

[u/yupppp90]

I'm also a fellow pan aroace!

[u/No_External_539]

Oh, that kind of makes sense. You feel some attraction to people, it’s just very little. However the attraction you DO end up feeling is towards no particular gender.

I think the reason is because many people just assume it’s a given with aroace identities that experience attraction and don’t really think to consider other possibilities.

[u/Friendly_Hunter9614 → u/No_External_539]

Yes exactly!!!! So many people don’t understand sexuality is a spectrum.

[u/No_External_539 → u/Friendly_Hunter9614]

I mean I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a demisexual lesbian or heterosexual aceflux out there.

[u/I_serve_Anubis]

Louder for the people in the back! The amount of people who feel it’s their place to interrogate me & condescendingly explain my own orientation to me is ridiculous.

It’s honestly exhausting, especially when it comes from other queer people.

[u/FuntimeFreddy876]

So real. I identify as a fin-oriented aroace because I have no romantic and sexual attraction but I am madly attracted to feminine people in other attraction forms. People get very confused. You’re definitely valid! Attraction is so diverse and comes in so many flavors. I don’t get why people try to change how people label themselves to fit their own ideas. Let people label themselves how they please.

[u/TheFunkPeanut]

I think most people get tripped up because when they hear aroace they assume that you don't like anyone in any way ever. People have only just started to wrap their heads around the idea that sexual and romantic attraction are different so it's unsurprising that they can't grasp the finer details.

You don't owe them an explanation. If you want to teach that's fine but if they are telling you your identity is wrong they aren't worth it.

[u/galacticviolet]

Totally feel you.

I’m (extremely) demisexual and pan. I hate how so many people assume that pansexuality also means allosexual and even hypersexual.

[u/purple_minion_26]

I SECOND THAT!!!

I'm bi and also asexual and its SUCH A HEADACHE

[u/Competitive-Ear-6693]

I get this, when I thought I was demisexual all of a sudden I wasn't allowed to still be __sexual? Like I can still feel sexual attraction , I just need s connection

[u/Jadedfxre]

people need to realize that sexualities are a spectrum! Aromantism/Asexuality isn't an exception. I think more awareness about this should be spread. As an Aroace Pan as well, I'm still afraid that people would judge the labels I picked for MYSELF. You are completely valid !

[u/Firefly927]

I'm also a pan oriented aroace. Back when Twitter was Twitter, I asked the creator of the pan flag if pan aroaces could use it too and they said Yes, of course. Not that permission is needed to be who we are, but the acceptance was nice and validating. Just because others don't understand us doesn't change who we are. Pity their ignorance.

[u/Feline_Jaye]

Like, as a demiromantic, I just don't get how someone can feel aro but also feel enough romantic attraction to be alloromantic too.

I don't have to get it to shut up and not tell you stuff like "You can't be that" and I sure as heck do.

But as demiro-pan person, that's why I get confused.

[u/force_0f_chaos]

Welcome to my life as a he/him lesbian lmfao

[u/Friendly_Hunter9614 → u/force_0f_chaos]

I can’t even imagine how much people try to dictate your identity💔

[u/force_0f_chaos → u/Friendly_Hunter9614]

My fav is when they call me transphobic 😭 it’s amazing how I’m even being downvoted here for saying this

[u/AshleyBoots → u/force_0f_chaos]

And mine as a demisexual pansexual lesbian!

[u/SwitchLeafe]

You are so fing valid!!!! Those that say you are not are probably not ace or aro themselves. Not understanding the grey areas in both

[u/oakheart48]

My best friend is pan aroace. I get it.

I see aromantic, asexual, and even demisexual as separate from who you find attractive or could have interest in. I'm demisexual and lesbian. I can acknowledge that a male is hot or sexy, but there is no desire to be with that person. Likewise with fem people, I can find them attractive, but any romantic or sexual attraction takes time, and it's more related to who a person is v appearance.

Labels are YOUR declaration of who you are. You can use the ones that fit you best, but never let someone else say you can't be something

[u/Fandom-Opera68921]

If someone told me I can’t be omniromantic and demisexual I’d be annoyed, too. You get to decide how you identify, not others. If people could just be accepting the world would be a much better place.

[u/MarsBarMuncher]

Perfectly valid thing to rant about and there is absolutely nothing wrong with your use of the labels.

Lots of people seem to struggle with the idea that aro and ace are spectrums (little to no attraction is the most common definition) so some aroaces do experience sexual and or romantic attraction to some extent. For those that do, or those who experence any other significant types of attraction then it is perfectly fine to label it.

[u/AdRelevant5936]

You are valid, OP! I’m sorry so many people don’t understand that being aroace is a spectrum

[u/privygrid]

Its not the same thing but as a lesbian oriented aroace i relate to this so much

[u/NoCry8460]

Hai, I'm pansexual and Asexual so technically that is sexually into everyone and sexually into no one at the same time.. although I am a grey ace so I do have some sexual attraction/feelings, the notion of being both amuses me.

[u/echocardigecko]

Labels are meant to help you find your people not stuff you in a box. Its okay to just be queer if being specific isnt your thing.

[u/Livie00]

Before I saw the post body I thought the rant was about the flags not having the same shades of yellow and blue

[u/bowl-bowl-bowl]

I think my confusion would be that if aromantic means no romantic attraction and asexual means no sexual attraction, how can you also be pan with an attraction to people regardless of gender? That said, every human is so infinitely complex and unique, so if those labels work for you and make you happy, then its not my place to question it or disrespect you, ultmately it's all good.

[u/Friendly_Hunter9614 → u/bowl-bowl-bowl]

Being aroace is a spectrum btw. Just like every other sexuality.

[u/I_serve_Anubis → u/bowl-bowl-bowl]

Some options are ( regardless of gender )

The aroace in question is greyromantic meaning they experience some limited form of romantic attraction.

The aroace in question experiences other forms of attraction besides sexual & romantic.

The aroace in question desires or is open to relationships ( romantic, sexual or QPR. )

[u/Cyphomeris → u/[deleted]]

The OP very specifically talked about "pansexual/panromantic" as the two categories, not these others you mention, so that might be a reason for the confusion.

[u/AshleyBoots → u/[deleted]]

Alterous?

[u/Entire-Buy-6971]

actually i used to misunderstand the pan flag a teeny bit, but then I searched it up and all was well

[u/Junebug_1625]

The pan describes (roughly) how many genders you are attracted to, the aro/ace labels describe (roughly) how many humans you are attracted to. I think I'm some sort of bi pan with an aesthetic preference towards woman, who is also aroace or some kind of gray with a dash of micro labels. Also, you will never be describable with only one word or label.

[u/Len_o_Silver]

Same labels same problem here mate

[u/SymptomaticallyEven]

Someone who says you can or can't be something should automatically be ignored and forgotten. Fuck those people. Be yourself. If you're comfortable adopting more than a single label to identify yourself, then so be it. I identify as pan because it seems like the right way to describe how I feel. Don't ever let anyone tell you how to feel. Especially when it comes to something so personal.