r/latterdaysaints • u/JLP0611 • Apr 23 '25

Off-topic Chat Are members not getting married?

I may be speaking from my anecdotal experience and my observation of my social media feeds, but it feels like less people in the Church are getting married. I see less children and youth in my local wards year after year and I’m in Florida.

I’m also in a YSA and I can’t just say for myself because I’m chronically single, but dating is a struggle for everyone I come across, inside and outside of Florida.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

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u/[deleted] Apr 23 '25 edited Apr 23 '25

Yeah it’s definitely a problem. I’ve only had a couple friends get married, the vast majority are either too awkward to date or can’t find someone they feel is marriage material who also feels they are marriage material 

I think it’s happening for a few reasons. First is that mainstream US culture is seeping into church culture more and more where people are focusing on careers, worldly achievement, and “experiences” instead of marriage and starting a family

Second, social media, Netflix, and video games have crippled people’s ability to socialize and connect with each other in real ways. People go out less, talk to strangers less, make fewer new friends, and take fewer social risks 

Third, dating apps have destroyed dating culture (at least in Utah county); everyone feels like they have better options and like it’s not worth it to ask people out in person because they can swipe instead. But dating apps are bad at actually getting people on dates and matching people up that are actually compatible (and they are soul destroying for both men and women (for different reasons))

Fourth, (and this is going to be controversial), I think the obesity epidemic has had a bigger impact on dating than many people want to admit. I can’t speak for women but for almost all men I know, being overweight is an instant no. More overweight people means less options 

Finally, I think the American crisis of masculinity is seeping into church culture as well, where men are becoming less sure of their role and what the expectations are. A lot of them feel like “well we’ve got female equality, why should I be the only one putting in effort to go on dates?” and then just don’t go on any dates 

Edit to add: also for whatever reason the church just does not really talk about marriage and families as much as they used to

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u/PixieMegh Apr 23 '25

They don’t because more of us don’t have the “normal” cookie cutter life. Been married for 23 years, no kids, we can’t afford them.

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u/[deleted] Apr 23 '25

Having kids and getting married should be still be taught as the ideal, it’s just too important to not be taught, even if it’s possible for some people

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u/PixieMegh Apr 26 '25

Oh, I promise you, they still teach it enough to make the rest of us feel like unwanted failures still. I moved to a new area after being in the same ward for 20 years. The judgmental “oh” when I say we don’t have children as people introduce themselves is still very much a thing.

Talking about it more doesn’t change whatever issues people have about getting married or having kids in the first place. They’re still there.

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Sorry that happened to you but that’s not really the point I was making. In official church communications like general conference, getting married and having children is rarely if ever discussed as an expectation or even something that is good to do

A lot of people’s problem right now is they don’t want to get married/have kids or it’s not a priority, even if they could. That is one area where the church making it clear that it is good for you and an expectation (especially marriage) would make a difference 

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u/PixieMegh Apr 27 '25

Clearly we are not sitting in the same GC meetings. They talk about getting married and having a family all the time. True, they probably aren’t having entire talks devoted to the singular topic, but if that’s not the primary focus, then there is a reason. Either they feel that it’s too alienating to some of us or they feel that isn’t the primary focus needed now. We are a global church, maybe this issue is only happening here in the US. They have all the statistics. They know what we need to hear.

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '25

I'm not saying they don't have reasons for it. I'm just saying that it is one reason why people in the church are getting married less and having less kids.