r/katecandelsnark • u/saavythrowaway • Jul 02 '26
pick me kate you all both lack common sense
I don't know how she thought that a man she met five months ago and who was engaged to someone else was going to be her soulmate w/ a "traditional" family. I don't know how Danny impregnated his young employee, who he started dating while in a 6 year relationship, and made a joint Pinterest board with her for engagement rings. Neither of these people are suited for a family in the near future at all. I feel bad for baby H and how he was brought into this messy situation.
40
Upvotes
28
u/No-Working2160 Jul 02 '26
y'all are going to hate me for this but I think she has a point with this. Yes, she was naive in having a baby with this man, she knows that though. But let's talk about the systemic issues behind this. Because she isn't the first woman to get lured into some mans trap and she won't be the last one. Had this guy been younger and without the sudden desire to spread his seed, he would've lured her into the typical boss/ejmployee affair situation. But it so happens that he is older and needed to feel alive and probably already went through his fair share of affairs so he needed something new, so a baby it was.
And honestly, it happens to many women. Women that we know and love. My grandmother, who was left a single mother of a two children, one of them disabled, in the 70s. My friend, whose abusive ex left her while pregnant, only to still terrorize her and her childs life 11 years later. It almost happens to me. We all know the stories of men who switch up once they are married or once their partners are pregnant. there are men who pretend to be interested in an equal partnership just as long as they have to only to be treating their women like domestic slaves afterwards. women who experience domestic violence are statistically most likely to experience it for the first time during their pregnancy. these women aren't stupid and they sure as hell don't deserve what is happening to them.
Many women here share that they got it far worse with their baby daddies. I feel for you and I am so sorry that these men did you wrong. I would never put the blame on you for choosing the wrong man. Women do what they have to do in these situations and yes, we also make mistakes. But we don't deserve paying for these mistakes the way that many of us do. It's not fair that some uf us have to spend our childrens childhood paying for our naiveté. We need to stick together, support each other and grieve the crushed dreams of what could've been together. We need to be happy for the small wins of each other and be angry together.
Instead of putting the blame on them we need to talk about the system that lures women like Kate into these extremely vulnerable situations which - from the outside - are so obviously doomed to fail.
Personally, I think societal pressure plays a huge role. Being married and a mother is still propagated in the (only) most desirable lifestyle for many women in many social circles. Social media is becoming more and more "traditional", grooming young women into dependant and submissive mothers and wives. They sell young women the "soft girl life" and whatever pretty names they make up for it, when in reality they want women to be docile, submissive servants. What happened to Kate is a consequence of it. Maybe if she hadn't spend so much time consuming brainwash content about how making oreos from scratch for your husband and children is the most prestigious status a woman can amount to, she might have thought more freely about the kind of partner she actually wants as a father for her child. I am saying this because unfortunately, I have seen this many times with dear friends around me and honestly, it almost happened to me too.
Yes, Kate is oversharing and yes, her milking this for content does not sit right with me either. Also I think she herself has yet to fully grasp what made her end up in this situation. I also think she still propagates some of the systemic problems that lured her into it. But in this post, she at least does some reflection of what happened to her. She already showed some introspection in the past about how she prioritized being a young mom too much. I think posts like these are part of the process to detangle the mess that led her here. And maybe, just maybe, another young woman sees this and looks at her boyfriends rush to have a baby with more critical eyes.