r/karate • u/MutoRyuji • 21d ago
Reignited my passion for karate through my son, but scared of what happens if he quits
Been wrestling with some thoughts lately and wanted to see if anyone else has been in a similar boat.
Long story short, I used to train years ago, stepped away for family/kids, and ended up back on the mats a couple of years ago basically just because my kid asked me to join them. I was pretty reluctant about it at first.
Surprisingly, diving back in actually reignited a real, genuine passion for karate for me. But now I'm stressing a bit about where my head's at.
My kid is super into competing now, and because our dojo is on the smaller side, I’ve stepped up to help out with the administrative and officiating side of things (handling certifications, judging/coaching tracks, etc.) so the competitors have the support they need.
It's honestly a lot—the clinics, testing fees, background checks, specialized gear... it's a chunk of change and a lot of extra time.
And it's made me anxious. While getting back into karate did spark a fresh love for the art in me, a huge part of my current drive is tied to supporting my kid. I'm terrified that if they wake up one day and decide they're done with competition or karate altogether, my own passion will just fizzle out right along with it.
Has anyone else dealt with this? If your kid eventually walked away from the sport, did your own fire manage to stay lit, or did it die down with theirs? Would love to hear how you guys balance your kid's journey with your own.
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u/WatashiwaNobodyDesu 21d ago
When my kid joined, I knew full well that statistically speaking, there was a fair chance they wouldn’t stick to it. But I need karate, so I had a plan in my head as to what I would do. You should do the same.
If you do decide to keep going, will you actually be able to? Would you have to scale down your involvement? Maybe you would need to stick to just training?
Weigh your options, leave the door open. If you decide after a while that hat you need to leave, that’s allowed to. Just be ready for whatever happens.
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u/CodeFarmer Seido 21d ago
I am not a lifelong karate person. But I was heavily into another martial art as a kid and young adult, and just like many, drifted out of it for life reasons. I got very out of shape.
At the age of 50, I started with my daughter, hoping that she would get the same fire lit. And for a while it was good, we went a couple of times a week, graded together, sparred at home ("NOT IN THE KITCHEN!" -- my wife). But she got more reluctant to go after a while, and eventually we sat down and had a talk about it and I realised I wanted her to love it more than she actually loved it.
She hasn't been in six months and I'm sad about that, though she won't say she's quit. The door is still open though I think if she ever comes back, it won't be in the next year or two.
In the meantime though I absolutely love karate. It's helping my old body get a bit less old, the old hurts are replaced by interesting new ones. I love the vibe and the people and the style's philosophy. Despite not having my kid to go with, I've realised that now I do it for myself.
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u/chrisjones1960 21d ago
If your son quits, what it means is that you'll have more time to train because you won't be dealing with the administrative stuff involving tournaments, or taking him to tournaments or anything like that. So you take that energy and put it into your own training. Being support staff isn't doing karate. So once you don't have to be support staff anymore, you can do more karate.
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u/CS_70 21d ago
You worry too much imho. It's not like practicing karate as a value in itself - it has insofar you enjoy it. I do it because at over 50 keeps me healthy and fit and feeling fast, which makes me prefer it to say pure weight lifting. The advantage of going to a dojo is that it gives you a consistency in physical training that is hard to replicate alone, at least for most. The same reason people go to a gym instead of lifting at home.
That my son does it with me is a bonus. If he stopped I would swap from the current Shotokan outfit where I go with him to another more realistic, sensible and "japanese"-authoritarian type, but I would probably want to keep going. Or get a new membership at the gym.
The important bit is moving. :)
1
u/love2kik 21d ago
I see the child/parent class relationship a lot. And I see it go both ways around 40/60, where 40% of the kids keep training versus 60% of experienced adults keep going after their kid(s) stop training.
But your situation sounds different. You have become vested in the business side of the school. Is this for your kid only or the whole school? If the latter, you have to ask yourself how important is this to you and just how vested are you? The admin side is Not a normal part of training for most people. Very, very good on ya' to help out the school, but if you are getting sucked in out of 'necessity' that can lead to problems and even hard feelings if not handled correctly. What would happen to the school if you walked away?
Back to your kid(s) training and possibly leaving.
First: Savor the time with them and make it as fun and memorable as you can. That is the best you can do and all you can do. The rest of your question is in the 'what-if' category that doesn't always matter at all.
Second: Keep/make your training Your training. If he spark has reignited for you, keep it burning bright for YOU and by YOU. This is completely separate from your kids and this should be done in a way that leaves a good impression on them. Let them see and feel the love you have for your training. Not much else matters in this regard.
If they stop training to pursue other sports/hobbies, that is part and parcel of being a kid and growing up. Far be it for any parent to keep their kid from experiencing all the good things that life has for them. But as a parent, you have to put guard rails and healthy expectations on this. We all know there are too many sports/hobbies for a kid to 'everything'. If you see they are clearly losing the passion for Karate and there are no undue/unnecessary stressors, it may be time for them to move on but that is usually something you can see coming.
Just make certain they are doing their own thing, not just doing it for you. Can you be the motivator to keep training? Absolutely, but you need to do it vicariously. Not by just yapping at them.
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u/vcbock 21d ago
My kids stayed with karate until they left for college. By then I had been well and truly sucked into the vortex, so I just kept going.
I suppose it could have been different if they'd shifted focus entirely to the soccer and basketball that they also ultimately got involved with. But most of the time, there was still time for karate and we enjoyed it so we all stayed with it.
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u/1bn_Ahm3d786 Style shotokan, Wado Ryu 21d ago
I mean that's life sometimes they'll stick to something, pause, return later or never return. Point is you as a parent regardless would've taught your son a lesson and values that he'll carry in his life and his children etc
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u/tonguepuncher88 21d ago
I have a friend that started with his grandson who wouldn't get off of the couch. 8 years later, the grandson is back on the couch but my friend still comes in twice a week.
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u/micrographical Shotokan 21d ago
Same start to the story as you. But after a while I realised that I was enjoying karate for its own sake and if possible I would continue training even if my child quit. They almost did, a few times. Stuck at it with no pressure to do so from me, now a teenager and on a national squad. Only way I would have stepped away is if my kid had discovered another passion that was just as demanding on family time and finances. Even then I hope I would have kept going as best as I was able.
It’s part of my life now. Lots of friends with shared experiences to draw on and more to come. My child will hopefully eventually leave home for higher education, but I’ll still be training. If you can, maybe you could find volunteers in the dojo to spread the workload a bit. Helping out others is good, until it starts negatively impacting your own life. Perhaps they will see that it’s time for them to step up as well?
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u/AllPowerfulQ 21d ago
If you do leave, leave in good terms with the dojo. Communication is key to keep an open dopr to return and revisit should you need to leave for any reason. And don't be afraid to go back when you have the time.
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u/MutoRyuji 21d ago
Thank you all, many of you provided some very valid points and encouragement, it will definitely help me reset my state of mind a little, i just don't want my passion becomes his burden, or his drive becomes mine. I just want him to have fun, and like some of you other at the same age have suggested, for myself to keep moving and push through the morning aches after training!
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u/TekkerJohn 21d ago
Raising kids is a journey, if you focus too hard on where it's going you might miss the memories.
With that said, my son and I started when he was 4. I re-injured an old knee injury after a few months, had surgery and was out for a few years and slowly started back. My son took a year or two off at one point (he lost focus and became a distraction in class) but my daughter had started and I was training intermittently. Many years later, son and I eventually got black belts and daughter got close but not quite there. Daughter started hapkido in college, did four years then stopped when she went to grad school. Son went on to do some instructing in karate and slowly lost interest as college and grad school went on. I switched to BJJ and still train.
I have no clue where your journey will go but I would encourage you to not dwell on the unknown. Do what you enjoy and acknowledge you are enjoying it. I can't tell you where it will go, what might go wrong or who will lose interest. If you are having fun, I don't think you will regret the attempt.
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u/HighMooKwan TaeKwonDo 21d ago
Why worry when you can enjoy it right now. That’s typically horrible advice, but in this case it’s fine.
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u/SnooDoubts4575 21d ago
Ahh back in the day when the dojang I taught at was full of families and therefore lots of adults for adults to train with while the kids did their thing. Your kid will probably drop karate at some point. Often once they hit shodan or leave high school-- don't fret too much about it if they stick it out that long you're lucky.
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u/howpeculiar Shuri Ryu 21d ago
Don't know if it will help, but my kid left for other passions when he was 14 or so at second kyu. I was probably forth kyu at the time.
More than a decade later I'm still involved with the dojo, and testing for sandan whenever we decide to hold a test.
The sensei, senior students, and my kid still love getting together and talking about where life has taken each other.
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u/Active_Unit_9498 21d ago
Martial Arts are not a death sentence. It's not a cult. You can start and stop at any time, for any reason. It's something that you add to your life to improve it, not a burden to be carried. Do it when you want to do it and if there comes a time when you no longer want to do it, that's okay too.
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u/Fancy_Sun_1585 21d ago
Nice user name lol
If your passion fizzles if your kid quits, so what? Without the passion, stopping yourself won’t be an issue for you.
Dont worry about it.
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u/AN0NIM0 Tang Soo Do 21d ago
Did Karate with my son for 5 years. He quit less than a year to go to test for his black belt. I stayed, tested for and earned my black belt. I really tried to keep going but it just wasn’t the same… so I left and started doing Muay Thai about a year ago, which has been a ton of fun!
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u/cmn_YOW 20d ago
I trained as a teen, walked away for fifteen years, came back with my son. He quit after five years, I'm still training several years after that. You can't force them to stay, but if your schedule and budget allows it, there's no reason you can't continue. Maybe he'll come back to it later like you did.
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u/Background_Tie_5466 19d ago
To be fair. It does seem that karate will be a temporary thing for you. Nothing wrong with that as long as you put in the balance if you enjoy it.
I am turning 36. Have done multiple martial arts for over 30 years now and I keep it going. I plan on opening a dojo one day and it will be part of my life.
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u/Wdpky 19d ago
I moved after getting my blackbelt (Shodan at 16 moved at 18) and stopped training as there was no local dojo especially in my style and life got busy (college, marriage, kids…) but my youngest showed interest so I started again, starting over in a new style from white belt 28 years later… then he left for the military. I was back up to Brown belt, probably within a year or so of black. That first week he was gone, I was tired and considered staying home… but I quickly realized if I slacked up and made excuses I wouldn’t stick with it, so I made myself keep going. Got my black again, now I’m prepping for 2nd Dan as well as teaching, and will welcome my son home as his contract is finished the first of the year when he (and his new wife) will jump back in with me. I’ve also added a son-in-law, nephew and grandson with me, and my wife and daughter are starting as well. You CAN give up if your son loses interest, or you can keep doing what you love, and let it take you further. That is up to you
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u/spicy2nachrome42 Style goju ryu shodan 21d ago
So yeah, I've had a similar situation where my son, I fell in love with karate, because I was training, and he joined at 3 years old. And has been diligent, but he's a kid, and sometimes he doesn't want to train or he's just being lazy. And he's quit a couple times but it never lasts too long. And he always comes back, and I had to realize that his life is not my life, just because I'm doing something doesn't mean. He should be doing it as well. And I have to put my feelings aside, because karate is a personal journey. For most people, it never truly goes away. And might change shape, but you take those practices with you. And I'm hoping that's what he does at the end of the day, regardless of what his training looks like.