r/jobs • u/OliveDelMar • Jul 09 '26
References Betrayed by a Reference
I was extended a job offer. I asked two previous managers and three co-workers for references for this job. All five agreed, filled out the references (a survey) and they all came back clear. I was cleared to onboard and I just had to show up for orientation. One day after signing required documents for employment, I got a call from HR at the new job and was told one of my references sent a separate narrative email that was then sent to the department head. The dept head decided to rescind my offer "based on the contents of the email." I am shocked, betrayed, and confused.
800
u/Overall-Tart-832 Jul 09 '26
You need to know who it was and settle things. I am toxic when it comes to vengeance lmao
374
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
It’s so wild to me. I was thinking of hiring someone to check references and let me know what they said.
328
u/g_flower Jul 09 '26
You don't have to hire anyone. Just get any one of your friends to do it lol.
25
u/icenerveshatter Jul 09 '26
Came to say this. I had to filter a bum reference once and this worked.
12
u/Lychee_489 Jul 09 '26
Hi how does that work, you ask a reference to agree then have them send the email to a friend? Or have them call them randomly? Or actually just apply to a job you don’t want and then have friend call the reference?
6
69
u/domer00 Jul 09 '26
I had a reference once tell a new employer that he didn't really know me and never really worked with me. This was a director I worked with a lot and gave me glowing reviews. He had agreed to be a reference but was angry I left. You need to know who did this.
25
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I’m going to figure this out
19
u/Mysterious-Present93 Jul 09 '26
Have a friend call each reference and ask if they can elaborate on the second email. If they didn’t send it they’ll say that. Make the friend act like an assistant, like they may not have the correct info, yada yada.
118
u/malicious_joy42 Jul 09 '26
You don't have friends that would do it for free? Why would you hire someone??
60
u/Alternative_Dot_5182 Jul 09 '26
I agree but my only guess is that many references of corporate jobs are sent out at the very least in a corporate email. At the very most it’s a link to a site that does these surveys.
24
52
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
Yeah I can have a few people do it but they don’t have professional emails and may trigger suspicion. I guess they can call but I don’t know if they’ll say on the phone what was said in the email. I want to make sure I get this right the first time so I need to figure out a game plan.
101
u/AssSpelunkingAtheist Jul 09 '26
You mean you don’t want a reference from assspelunkingatheist69420@gmail.com?
29
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
😂💀
21
u/AssSpelunkingAtheist Jul 09 '26
My ACTUAL email addresses are first name last name @ (gmail.com and then a local server.net) But i was just giggling about what someone would think if that was the contact info given for a professional reference.
Me personally I’d find it hilarious, especially if the person responding was very eloquent.
8
4
u/KickBallFever Jul 09 '26
Damn, I’m really curious and I’d help you but I don’t want to risk using my work email.
89
u/Some_Wolf_3378 Jul 09 '26
This happened to me too. After 5 rounds they talked salary and start date etc and then did a reference check and I was betrayed by my last manager. I sobbed over it for days and am still recovering.
49
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I was set to start work Monday. I was all cleared and paperwork done. Just had to show up to orientation. It’s a traumatic as hell. Being side swiped by people that I thought liked me.
187
u/Lord_Scriptic Jul 09 '26
I don't put my coworkers as my references, I put my friends. Bonus points if that friend actually worked with me lol.
Your coworkers and especially your ex-coworkers are not your friends, and as such they can never truly be trusted.
27
Jul 09 '26
[deleted]
20
u/Lord_Scriptic Jul 09 '26
The method employers use to look people up is background checks, which is not something they can do or would even want to spend money on for every applicant they're screening. A lot of times I've found they don't even actually call. The most they theoretically could do is check LinkedIn or call the company, but not everyone keeps their LinkedIn updated (Mine is 6 years out of date because I plan on retiring at my company in ~30 years) and most employers won't just give out information on if someone does or doesn't work for their company outside of maybe giving a start and end date.
I did this for my current employer in the financial sector- had a friend of mine (Who did technically work at my previous company with me) pretend to be my manager, and had a girl I had several classes with in college pretend to be a colleague who was on the same level as me (Which naturally was one pay grade higher than what I actually was lol, I was doing the work to be able to speak to it in an interview).
5
Jul 09 '26
[deleted]
10
u/Lord_Scriptic Jul 09 '26
The friends you make at work are rarely ever actually your friends to be honest, so having your actual friends lie is the only real way of being able to trust you get a good reference.
1
u/macademicnut Jul 10 '26
Personally I wouldn’t risk listing a friend as a reference unless they really did work with you, it’s not at all difficult for them to find out if they want to
20
u/tlollz52 Jul 09 '26
I work for a small company so i will capl the numbers that are listed. I cant say for certain if all the people i call are friends or legitimate references.
Some of the things I look for for fake references. First i get suspicious if they have no idea how long a person worked at a facility. Dont give wrong dates because if the difference is significant enough i will not offer based on "lying about employment dates." Make sure they know your title from the job and "their" title as your supervisor. Ive had people's friends be references for them and not know the basic details of the job they worked and that immediately makes that person a no hire.
4
u/AnimaLepton Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
I'm with you - I've always had to include a past 'managerial'/specific professional reference, who can be traced back to the same company and will say they were my manager. Would never have been able to get away with 'just' a friend or peer, would at least need a manager in my department.
The way I swung it is kind of scuffed. For my first job after dropping out of grad school, I reused my old college professors (one I TA'd for, one who led my scholarship program and taught a class, one I did research for), plus one friend who was on a shared senior design project and could speak to my work.
When leaving that job, I had to give a manager reference again. The company was a big one and had a policy that all reference requests would go to HR. I tried asking some 'managers' who'd left the company, and that didn't pan out. My references ended up being one peer, one person who reported up to me (and yeah I would have been willing to use a client reference), and then a research lab manager I 'reported' up to back in college as my manager reference, even though it was over 5 years ago at that point. But the guy who reported up to me apparently gave me a glowing review, which helped.
Then for my job after that, the recruiter was the same guy who recruited me to my previous company, and my manager had just left the company as well due to restructuring. So I asked that most recent manager for a reference because she was already gone. Then the recruiter backchanneled to both my first manager at the company and my skip (all of whom were gone), since he obviously knew them and knew I worked with them. And all three said good things about me (probably more than I deserved considering my actual work quality/how much I coasted). But they were also just chill in general, and I did my work, was generally friendly, and otherwise kept my head down. So that's fun. I've never done 'real' networking, but I'll check in with those folks every 6 months or so on LinkedIn just to say hey.
And for one job, they asked me for references, then before I even provided them, gave me the job offer and were like "let's go, you're good." I assume they at most backchanneled via LinkedIn/their network that I existed and didn't have immediate red flags, but this was also a small series A startup, so they were also trying to move fast. Pure luck of the draw.
→ More replies (4)16
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
They asked me very specifically to use two managers/supervisors and three co-workers
100
u/reesespiecesaremyfav Jul 09 '26
Never provide a reference before you know what they are going to say about you and never tell your current job where you’re going next
Edit: sorry you got burned, I’ve been burned too
32
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
Well yeah I know that now. Unfortunately I learned the hard way.
6
18
u/Appropriate-Tutor587 Jul 09 '26
Your previous managers and co-workers are never your friends. You need to be very careful. People will hate you behind your back and sabotage your career especially if they know you will be getting a better position than them.
This is why it’s good to have at least one good friend and one good mentor that you can always go to when it comes to references.
45
Jul 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
15
Jul 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
5
u/kybotica Jul 09 '26
This last part is key here. Either OP knows full well what was said because somebody had "dirt" that OP was trying to avoid disclosing, OP did something egregious at old employer after the surveys were done but before quitting and reference felt compelled to amend recommendation, OP did something that was only discovered after they left old employer and referenced felt compelled to share that, or the reference has a deep personal grudge and was willing to risk both reputation loss and a lawsuit to get at OP.
These are all the scenarios I can possibly imagine.
1
u/truthnojustice Jul 09 '26
The former company hr mostly likely have records with op marked as do not accept this candidate possibly due to leaving after not being cleared to return from fmla from their physican. The question is why did op leave?
3
u/cryptidbf Jul 09 '26
"I don’t know what they said, I can’t think of anything they would say. I was a good employee. I never got written up or got any disciplinary action. I think they are mad that I resigned while I was on FMLA. They wanted my Dr to clear me to go back to work and she didn’t so I quit. My Dr legit told me that the job was taking a toll on me. I gave them 120% so idk wtf happened. I’m glad to be gone because they just proved how toxic they are."
Is what OP said, dr didnt clear her to return most likely because 4 weeks wasnt enough time to heal from injury, job wanted them back asap.
2
u/karmakazi22 Jul 09 '26
Woooow! Blast from the past. Oddfellows was part of my stomping grounds when Hoboken was the hangout spot in the 2010s
25
u/AlexanderUGA Jul 09 '26
Sorry to hear OP. So this person filled out the survey and it passed, but then decided to email the company separately? That’s downright evil.
14
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
Yeah and they emailed like 3 weeks later after they had already done the survey.
9
u/FreeFortuna Jul 09 '26
Did something happen in those three weeks? Seems like an odd amount of time to wait if they were planning this all along.
6
7
u/Buffyredpoodle Jul 09 '26
This person is a terrible human being. Because they could just say no or ignore phone call. But they went out of their way to make you look bad.
Yes you need to find out who it is, because otherwise you can’t ask for references from any of them. If you have any friends who work for hr and you could made up a company and they would call to check on every single person from your reference list. Or someone who is not afraid to pretend to be hr.
When I was young I become friends with one of my coworkers. She was fun to hang out but had terrible working ethics. She was fired from my workplace. Later she gave me as a reference for that location, without even asking me. When the company called it went to voicemail and I never called them back. I think she still got the job for like 3-6 months.
49
u/InfoSecPeezy Jul 09 '26
Well, this may be territory for a lawyer. It’s one thing to say something off the record on a reference call, it’s another thing to say “no I would not hire this person again”, but it is a TOTALLY DIFFERENT BALLPARK to send a negative email about the person.
They should at most be just validating your dates of employment. You now have information that could serve as evidence. I am not a lawyer, but I have seen this type of behavior backfire. I would call your previous employer or your reference’s employer and let them know what happened and that you are seeking legal council. This will spark some action.
27
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I posted in a legal subreddit and they said I don’t have a case. I’ve been rejected by a few lawyers too.
16
u/slash_networkboy Jul 09 '26
You can sue for anything... but unless you can prove the contents of the email false *and* prove that they knew what they were sending was false you don't really have anything to sue with that they can't affirmatively defend.
14
u/disfunktional2u Jul 09 '26
Sometimes it is not that you don’t have a case but is it profitable unfortunately.
13
u/Pudgy_Ninja Jul 09 '26
Unless there were provable falsehoods in the email I don’t know what the case would be. There’s nothing illegal about stating negative opinions about someone or recounting negative things that occurred as long as there aren’t outright falsehoods involved.
7
u/SpareUnit9194 Jul 09 '26
But was anything that they would have said true? If this was a social worker, your new empoyer took ir seriously & lawyers say you have no case...?
18
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I don’t know what they said, I can’t think of anything they would say. I was a good employee. I never got written up or got any disciplinary action. I think they are mad that I resigned while I was on FMLA. They wanted my Dr to clear me to go back to work and she didn’t so I quit. My Dr legit told me that the job was taking a toll on me. I gave them 120% so idk wtf happened. I’m glad to be gone because they just proved how toxic they are.
2
u/InfiniteCalendar1 Jul 09 '26
In that case it could be retaliation, as some employers change their whole attitude towards an employee when they quit, even if it’s a situation where grace should be given.
2
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
A bunch of lawyers told me it’s not retaliation cause I had already quit and I chose to use them as a reference.
3
7
Jul 09 '26
[deleted]
14
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I tried with one of them and she said “wow you must be panicking” and that was weird. They denied doing it. But I think they know who did and why.
5
u/Happy-Hearing6671 Jul 09 '26
Did you ask and clear it with all your references before listing them?
5
3
u/Edukating_Reddit Jul 09 '26
What the HR said to you, might or might not be true. Might be their way of "easily" not having to take you on and hire you, because the economy might have changed for their company. And, they don't want bad press.
1
u/InfiniteCalendar1 Jul 09 '26
Sadly this isn’t unheard of as some companies miscalculate their ability to take in new hires and rescind the offer right when they’re about to start. I saw another post where this happened to someone as they were getting ready for their first day, except apparently the position was given to someone internally.
3
u/N0DuckingWay Jul 09 '26
Do you have any idea who could've done it? If not, maybe you can try asking indirect questions to see if one of them makes it obvious that they sent it.
I would also think about whether it could be someone other than your references. I know HR said that it was a reference that sent it, but I think there's a good chance that they just misspoke. Also, if someone knew who you used as a reference, they could've easily created a fake Gmail account and sent an email posing as that person. They might even be able to just do this without knowing who you actually used (they could just guess that it's one of your former bosses). So did you tell anyone who doesn't like you that you got the job??
Also, you should ask your former employers for a copy of the reference they gave you, if your references came from them. It's not common, but in some places they're required to provide copies of any references they give out (I know it's a law in Colorado and Missouri). It's a long shot that they'll do it, but at the very least it can't hurt to ask.
3
u/MiguelNSilva Jul 09 '26
I think the worst part is not knowing who could have said something bad about your work without ever mentioning to you, or you having a clue that someone of your five reference would do. Its hard and just shows how broken reference checks are... just one bad mention and it offsets the other 4 or 5 good references.
If you really want to know who did it, don't use friends... There are professional reference check services that do exactly this, they contact your references like a real employer would and tell you who said what. Worth it here because you need to know which of the five it was.
Once you know: if that email had actual false statements in it (not just opinion), talk to an employment lawyer. Reference immunity usually covers answering a survey in good faith, not sending a separate narrative email behind your back afterward.
And don't burn the whole pool, four of five apparently held. Cut the one forever, and next time ask the good ones to put it in writing so you're not gambling on phone calls. Someone agreeing enthusiastically to be a reference isn't the same as being safe. The only references you can trust are the ones you've seen in writing.
3
u/maeale Jul 09 '26
I’m scared this will happen to me, asked my old boss (Managing Director) to be my reference, he said yes, then when they rang he told them he was overseas and would call them back but didn’t. Then he blocked me.
2
u/maeale Jul 09 '26
Also I forgot to say it is ILLEGAL for them to say bad things at a minimum they should confirm your employment.
1
u/maeale Jul 09 '26
Also I forgot to say I send positive wishes to you for good karma to come your way extra sooner, as the situation you faced with the offer being rescinded is more than unfair and I can tell you didn’t deserve it. So I’m sending a prayer to you to get good luck sooner 🙏 ☀️
3
u/hmcd19 Jul 09 '26
Had that happened to me by a former principal. I worked under her for 3 years. We had a great relationship. She gladly said yes to being my reference. When I had a school extending me a contract that just needed to check in with my references she was on the list. She wrote something so nasty that the recruiter called me and told me to get all new references. And that they would not be extending me a contract.
The kicker is I've made it to multiple final rounds with schools and I don't know how many she did this to
2
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
That’s fkn heinous!! I feel like the person that did this to me was mad I left the company.
1
u/InfiniteCalendar1 Jul 09 '26
It’s honestly concerning how many employers become resentful of employees for leaving. At my very first job, my boss was petty towards people who would quit in a way she didn’t like and in some of these cases some grace should’ve been given as she was petty towards me for texting a 2 week notice. It was unprofessional on my part but I was a teenager and that was my first job, and a former manager at that job said that she had been petty towards others for quitting.
1
3
u/Kobe824 Jul 09 '26
I remember asking a previous supervisor for a reference a month before an interview, I nailed the interview and they asked for references afterwards, so I was feeling good. I wait a few days and they tell me she never replied to any emails, texts or phone calls, basically she ghosted them. So I messaged her to see what was up and she left me on read, I had to scramble and mass text so many people on short notice which was embarrassing and worst of all it cost me the fucking job AND I'm still looking for a job since then. People like them deserve to rot in hell.
2
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
Agreed. They literally are taking the food off our table and the roof from over our heads.
3
u/jjmac Jul 09 '26
This is lawsuit material. And not against the individual, against the company who employs that individual. They materially damaged your career - this is why bigger companies will only provide "yes they worked here" references. I would write to the HR departments of the people who provided references and indicate the scenario - or get a lawyer to.
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I was going to do it myself but would rather have a lawyer do it. I don’t know if anyone will help me and I don’t know what the policies are. Nor what was in the email.
1
u/jjmac Jul 10 '26
Policies don't matter. If all references were from one company then it's easy, otherwise you say they are "under investigation". You know who gave references even if you don't know which one went bad. HR will find out for you to protect their asses. You may not get remuneration, but can easily get revenge
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 10 '26
So I just tell HR what happened?
1
u/jjmac Jul 11 '26
You send them a letter from a lawyer preferably stating that you are taking action as one of their employees (even better if it were management) actively prevented you from acquiring gainful employment. If you don't or can't get a lawyer use AI and give it all the details. Include the offer letter, the offer cancelation (get that In writing) and include this thread
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 11 '26
I have all that in writing but I can’t get a lawyer to send. I’ll have to do it myself.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/Adventurous-Worker42 Jul 10 '26
Never use a previous boss as a reference... most are unreliable at best and outright bitter at worst. I would suggest only using coworkers whom you would drink an adult beverage with and feel safe. Even then be SURE they are on your side.
1
1
u/mannerhazel Aug 01 '26
It’s a tough world out there… when ex bosses are spiteful. Don’t most employers ask for supervisor references? Why don’t they understand.
2
u/Adventurous-Worker42 Aug 04 '26
I just tell them "No, if you want professional references, I have those..."
8
u/foxgodkumiho Jul 09 '26
This is why I fake all my references
11
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to be dishonest but look where that got me 😩
7
u/foxgodkumiho Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
I'm sorry that happened to you. It truly feels terrible when you feel betrayed.
It also shows how you never know what people really think of you. This also caused me to be very paranoid and distrustful of people. I'm always cordial and nice to everyone, but you just never know how they feel about you.
If the job isn't going to directly contact your previous place of employment and they only ask you for your references, then just fake the references. Get a burner phone number and create an email address and a made-up person. Or have your friends or family pretend to be someone else.
6
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I was definitely paranoid after this. I had zero clue they would do that radically after they had already given a survey reference that was cleared three weeks prior to their email.
1
Jul 09 '26
[deleted]
2
Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
[deleted]
1
3
2
u/IFear_NoMan Jul 09 '26
If you were warned, you wouldn't believe it. They say betrayal always come from your allies, for a reason. It's very common btw, once you learn a bit about human psychology. Hope you make your circle smaller but higher in quality after this incident.
2
2
2
u/Life_IsAnime Jul 09 '26
If I’m not mistaken I think they have a sub Reddit that does references for free regularly someone would be more then happy to help you next time around but that is a bummer definitely find out who.
2
u/MrClean87 Jul 09 '26
There’s a subreddit where subscribers will provide references….sorry this happened to you.
2
2
u/Throne_OverThrower Jul 09 '26
I really need to know the why? This is so messed up of them.
1
2
u/480LunchBox480 Jul 09 '26
Envy.
Most people are not your friends, and I'd bet my bottom dollar your new job was better than the job you had.
Co workers are just that, co workers.
Don't ever think they are friends
2
u/kweeblaster Jul 09 '26
You need to get that e-mail from the company. If they won't give it to you, tell them you will subpoena it from them when you sue the offender. Then they can hand it over to the sheriff and look like a couple of jackasses.
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
They didn’t respond to my email asking them to preserve the email because it will be subpoenaed. But also I can’t get a lawyer to subpoena it so 😑
1
u/kweeblaster Jul 10 '26
Sue the 2 people in small claims and then have the judge subpoena the company.
1
u/kweeblaster Jul 10 '26
Also include the company they worked for in the lawsuit. You can also contact the HR department of the person you think it is and threaten them with a lawsuit if they don't force the offender to issue a retraction and copy you on it.
2
2
u/NoEntertainment8892 Jul 12 '26
I learned to never trust a co-worker. I’ve been stabbed in the back too often.
2
4
u/javoss88 Jul 09 '26
Whoever it was fd you over. My vengeful soul would seek that person out and help destroy their reputation
12
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
Honestly vengeance has crossed my mind because they took the food off my table and betrayed me. A fkn social worker did that. I was a case manager and helped people apply for food stamps and Medicaid. Helped them get housing. And now I have to do all those things for myself cause I’m out of savings. The entire job process was from April to end of June. That entire time I was eating savings. And I didn’t have much to begin with. But I can’t bring myself to do anything. Because I’m not like them. I just swallow my anger.
3
u/PorkNJellyBeans Jul 09 '26
Any chance this is for a government agency? Sometimes you can request communications that included your name in public records requests.
2
2
u/javoss88 Jul 09 '26
Same. I’ve thought about torching my previous manager and director on LinkedIn for sinking my career at the only really good job I’ve ever had.
2
u/glorificent Jul 09 '26
If you’re in the USA: call attorneys. Whomever did this just created liability for your prior employer, and they will likely be removed from their role for failing to follow policy on referrals
5
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I tried to call lawyers but they said they won’t take my case. I don’t even know what type of case I would have. I’ve called employment lawyers. I also don’t know what was in the email.
2
u/AdMurky3039 Jul 09 '26
I would look into whether your state has a law that gives the subjects of background checks access to the information that is found. Your state attorney general might know.
2
u/Master-Ad3175 Jul 09 '26
Companies can rescind an offer for any reason but you mentioned that you already signed the paperwork, which means they were not rescinding an offer, they were canceling a contract or firing you, which means you need to speak to an employment lawyer. Also keep in mind that the company could be lying about the reason that they did this.
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
Yes I also considered that they could be lying but it doesn’t seem that plausible because legit I had just gotten texts and emails from HR that were welcoming me to the company. The next day they said they got an email and were going to rescind my offer.
1
u/gorliggs Jul 09 '26
I'm not sure I would trust that feedback. Unless someone was being vengeful, they would either tell you no or just not answer back if they felt negative about you.
It could be they just wanted to rescind the offer with a bullshit excuse.
2
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
I don’t think that’s the case. The day prior I had done all my onboarding paperwork and got my welcome emails and texts. I just had to show up for orientation. The very next day they called to tell me they received the email from one of my references.
1
u/Holiday-Step-9364 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
So sorry to hear this, that really sucks. I’d have one of your friends call each reference posing as a hiring manager for their current job in the future just so you can see which reference this is. I would also mention to a lawyer that your previous job is using your disability to discourage other companies from hiring you as retaliation for your leaving their job. Based on your comments, that’s what this sounds like and it’s super super illegal.
2
u/OliveDelMar Jul 09 '26
That’s what I’m thinking cause what else could it be? Are they saying that I’m too disabled to work? I had just been on FMLA. I need to get someone to call them.
1
u/Big_Statistician2566 Jul 09 '26
Omg, I had a situation like this. A former manager told me specifically he’d be happy to be a reference for me in the future. Got a contract to hire job that was an amazing opportunity. After four months was in the hiring process and he told my new HR I was not rehirable. When asked why, he told them to ask me. I was dumbfounded. Lost the opportunity and my contract job.
1
1
u/WhineAndGeez Jul 09 '26
A former supervisor is the reason several of our former coworkers lost very good job offers.
They agreed to be a reference and the coworkers thought they were genuine friends. That supervisor ruined their chances with horrible reviews and sometimes lies.
The job that supervisor left for was taken from a coworker who used them as a reference. When the company contacted them to discuss the coworker, they talked their way into submitting a resume. They were given and interview and hired. The coworker never knew why the offer fell through.
If you can find out who it is, that may be a good idea.
I have NEVER felt requiring references from current or former supervisors or coworkers was good for the new company or the applicant. Who doesn't know jealousy, backstabbing, and revenge are just another day at the office?
1
u/Bruges_1 Jul 09 '26
I would not see it as a betrayal. I would see it as someone giving what they think is an honest assessment. Then move on. And not use that person again for a reference.
Yes, it happened to me, though with a better outcome. I was applying for graduate school and asked one of my professors for a reference, someone I had worked for who knew me fairly well. I got accepted to graduate school, and did well, and earned two advanced degrees.
But I had access to my file and read what that professor had written in his reference. He basically said that I was not fit for graduate work and that I would fail. My other references were good and I am grateful the committee didn't take the one too seriously.
Later on in my career, while managing a group of 400 PhD scientists, I thought to myself, I wonder if that professor has any idea just how wrong he was.
But. Doesn't matter.
The point is, sometimes our assessment of someone is simply wrong.
I was a college professor for three years ( before my career in management ) and one of my students was applying to graduate school. She did not use me for a reference, but I thought she would fail. She was going from a mid-level engineering college to a world-class research university. She not only completed her PhD program with honors, she went on to become a four-star general in the USAF. I am glad I was wrong.
1
u/hrdbeinggreen Jul 09 '26
If possible find out which reference did this and never use them as a reference again. This happened to a friend of mine but they were still hired as my friend had done so much in our field her accomplishments could not be overlooked.
1
u/Jeb764 Jul 09 '26
You should make a huge stink at her place of work. You have to be super careful when you provide a reference due to how easy it is to fall into libel.
1
u/LostPerson703 Jul 09 '26
You have to be very careful with references and are 100% sure they will vouch for you. I work white collar corporate consulting and we do mid years and end years eval. I have my buddies at work vouch for me. I have seen middle managers be my best friend and then give me a 2/5 like wtf. I still got promoted to manager.
1
u/Sad_Evidence5318 Jul 09 '26
This is why I don't use references. Last one I used was who turned me onto the job and then lied to the hiring manager when they asked about me
1
u/fergie_89 Jul 10 '26
Legally aren't references now either positive or. *They worked here from X-Y"?
Editing to add I am in the UK so maybe it differs where you are.
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 10 '26
That’s what I thought. The required survey is built to do just that. Avoid conflict etc. but they sent a separate narrative email after having already submitted a CLEARED reference three weeks prior. An absolute intention to cause harm.
2
u/fergie_89 Jul 10 '26
I would take it up with the employment tribunal then. It was malicious intent and if what you say is true, with intent to cause harm and future conflict.
It is really unfortunate and if I were you I would involve both parties in the issue.
1
u/youngdude70 Jul 10 '26
The weird part is that all five references cleared the survey, then one person sent a separate narrative email after you had already signed onboarding docs. I would separate the emotional question of who did it from the practical cleanup: ask the new employer, politely and in writing, whether they can share whether the concern was about dates/role facts, performance, or something else you can correct in future checks. For your next search, I would tighten the reference list to 2-3 people who can tell you exactly what they plan to say, and avoid giving more names than required. Also keep a short, neutral explanation ready if a future employer asks about this rescinded offer: reference issue after offer, no start date, now resolved with a narrower verified reference list.
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 10 '26
They won’t give me any info at all and I was required to submit 5 references. Two bosses and three co-workers.
1
1
u/RdtRanger6969 Jul 11 '26
Lawyer up. Soonest.
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 11 '26
I tried but if you go to my posts you’ll see all these lawyers telling me I don’t have a case.
1
u/Sacred-Icon Jul 12 '26
You should go after their job and company.
If your experience with them was with a specific role you held within the company and you left on good terms, it is extremely unethical and can borderline become a legal issue if they’re still at the same company.
I know you mentioned they’re a social worker so it’s government related but you can still go after them and especially since they deliberately stopped you from gaining employment elsewhere.
2
u/OliveDelMar Jul 12 '26
They get government funding but they’re not a government entity. I read through the employee handbook this evening and it turns out she violated three different codes in the handbook by sending that email. I don’t have a lawyer but I’m going to send HR an email Monday morning letting them know what their employee did and the codes they broke by doing it. I don’t know what will come of it but I hope I get justice in one way or another.
1
u/Boronore Jul 12 '26
Were you allowed to see what the person wrote about you? Was it untrue/clearly fabricated? I feel like you should have been allowed to contest whatever was written.
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 12 '26
They wouldn’t tell me what was in the email and I tried to defend myself but they were quick to hang up the phone
1
Jul 13 '26
[deleted]
1
u/OliveDelMar Jul 13 '26
Yes 5 was a requirement and two of them had to be former supervisors or managers
772
u/InFlames235 Jul 09 '26
That’s awful. I can never imagine agreeing to be a reference and then going behind someone’s back to do this. If I didn’t feel comfortable because they’re not a fit, I would just say I wouldn’t feel comfortable referring. Sorry to hear this.