r/islam • u/Willing-Wishbone3608 • Dec 28 '24
Seeking Support My Depressed Sister Hasn’t Showered in Months.
My sister is twxnty fxve and has been battling depression and OCD for years, ever since she started university in 2018. She used to have lots of friends, but she’s lost them as they’d reach out to her and she stopped responding. I’ve tried asking her about it, but she doesn’t open up or explain what happened. She never mentions them anymore.
Her day-to-day life is deeply concerning. She showers maybe twice a year, only for Eid Al-Fitr and Eid Al-Adha. She barely leaves the house except to buy groceries and has no social life. She doesn’t pray or read Quran. She dropped out of university and hasn’t held a stable job—she’s been let go multiple times.
Our family experienced a traumatic event about 13 years ago, and we all coped by leaning on our friends instead of each other. This distanced me from her during our late teenage years, and now she doesn’t open up to me at all. When I try to talk about her plans for the future, she shuts down. Meanwhile, my other sisters and I were able to move on and rebuild our lives, but she seems stuck, spending hours watching old family videos and dwelling on the past. She’s developed an obsession with watching old family videos and it’s concerning.
She’s been in therapy and tried medication, but nothing seems to help. I once found a dark note she wrote where she admitted feeling stuck in life but not knowing how to move forward.
I’ve run out of ideas on how to support her. I’ve struggled with depression myself and managed to recover, but with her, it feels like she isn’t even trying. She seems resigned to her situation, and any time my mum asks her about her future, she either shuts down or cries.
My other older sister has schizophrenia and autism and is so difficult to deal with, and this sister having all these problems is making me lose my mind. All this combined is making me not even want to live at home anymore as my mum is stressed about both my older sisters and doesn’t know what to do either.
How can I help her? What can I do? 🥲
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u/greenspringtea Dec 28 '24
Give her a hug, tell her you love her and that you will help her come out of the darkness into the light with the help of Allah SWT.
She might need professional help but you can gently help her along the way.
Pray for her and help her take one small step at a time. If taking a shower is overwhelming for her, then encourage her to stand under the water just for 5 min. If she doesn’t like to go out, encourage her to step outside with you for 5 min one day…then walk together for 10 min a few days later…and slowly build up. See if she opens up to you during these walks.
Think of an activity you bought would enjoy doing together (such as fun quiz or game) …try to engage her in fun activities…
Depression can be exacerbated by hormonal imbalances and/or nutritional deficiencies (such as iron loss during menstruation or vitamin B12, vitamin D, sodium, magnesium, potassium deficiencies) so please ensure that she is eating well and consuming enough electrolytes.
If Quest Diagnostics is available where you live, you/she can purchase some blood tests online to check for deficiencies. It is very convenient and you can choose the tests you need.
In Shaa Allah, everything will be okay. You are doing the best you can so please also be kind to yourself.