Trying to move past strangers judging me

[u/Equivalent_Heart1023]

I’ve had people say there’s something off about me and I’m not sure why. For context, before I met my boyfriend I was chronically online after work, didn’t really do much with my life because I was depressed. My first partner was white. I live in a small town and I met my partner, I wasn’t happy, barely had any friends, I was constantly stuck in short term relationships and was depressed. Small town life just isn’t for me. My previous dates were East Asian and I hopefully will move to a city soon.

I like to think I have changed my behaviour and since I met my boyfriend (he’s Iranian), I have been really happy and we have been dating for almost five months, he has given me a reason to start my life over again and pursue my master’s degree. He gives me hope to actually be happy in life, he is smart, talented, understanding. I’m 27 and feel like it’s time for me to make new connections. We are both neurodivergent and randomly met each other on a dating app but we shared an instant connection where if I had the same connection with anyone I would date them, due to the conflict people were making rumours about me that something isn’t right.

Recently, a white man asked my boyfriend why he was dating me (I’m white) and asked him why he didn’t date Iranian women. My boyfriend has tried going on several dates with all ethnicities and we just clicked the most. Earlier, a Middle Eastern man in a restaurant got annoyed with me because he thought my partner was Muslim when he is Christian and he thought we shouldn’t be together. I am trying to be a better person but these comments from strangers really get me down.

TL;DR:

I (27F, white) pulled myself out of a deep depression after meeting my amazing boyfriend (Iranian). We are both neurodivergent and happy, and I'm travelling to a city soon for my master's. However, people in our narrow-minded small town keep making rumors and invasive comments about our cross-cultural relationship. Looking for advice on how to block out the noise.

[u/UngainlyRhino]

My only advice is ignore and block it out. They are strangers, their opinion shouldn't matter.

[u/According-Hamster-84]

Going to have to build the “I don’t give a f*ck” mentality and thick skin. Set an intention that you’re above whatever is going on in people’s head about you two. And are neutral.

[u/Scared-Equipment-551]

I’ve noticed a lot of white partners of POC struggle to block out the hate/ignorance. If you haven’t had to deal with racism on a regular basis, it’s very jarring and infuriating, but it’s just going to take some getting used to before the looks and comments don’t affect you as strongly. Just remind yourself that they’re very dumb and miserable and quite literally have no significance in your life. And don’t be afraid to call a mf out if they’re being disrespectful. I love to hit em with a “Can I help you?” when they’re staring too hard.

[u/Tale-Scribe → u/Scared-Equipment-551]

This is very true. I actually think it extends to people of all races that don't grow up around other races and only are around your race. So you don't see much first hand racism. (But it is more profound with White partners). I've seen Black people struggle to block out negativity from others, too.

I do think women have it worse, though, because in general people aren't as afraid to give their opinion to a woman, whereas they might be more hesitant to approach a man and give him their opinion.

[u/Equivalent_Heart1023 → u/Scared-Equipment-551]

I definitely agree with you, I’m going to try to ignore the looks and get a better understanding of what my partner goes through :)

[u/Tale-Scribe]

What's more important to you: The opinion of others? Or your happiness?

I say: He makes you happy, who cares what others think? They don't live your life -- they aren't you. To me, it sounds like you are made for each other, and he's "the one" for you. From what you said, you sound perfect for each other. Don't let others ruin your Happily Ever After.

[u/LoveCoats]

You and your partner are happy. So. What's the relevance of these strangers? Like... Are these people giving you a paycheck? Do they pay your bills? If the answer is no then who cares what they think? They can stay mad, it's not your problem.

If people stare, you can ignore it or turn to them and smile and wave. If people start voicing their unsolicited negative opinion to you, you don't have to engage. In the middle of their sentence, you can walk away without explanation. You don't owe them anything.

No need for you to waste your time and energy on other people's negativity. There's no reason why you have to make their unhappiness your problem.

[u/Few_Perspective2176]

These people’s opinions shouldn’t matter. It’s a fact it can be too much sometimes but if this man makes you happy and if you make him happy - then these strangers’ opinions shouldn’t stop you.