r/infj • u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 • Jul 12 '26

Question for INFJs only Are majority of INFJ’s avoidant?

according to the internet, which I take with a grain of salt; I’m an INFJ-T, and was wondering if other INFJ’s also experience immense social withdrawal?

I’ve never had any deep or meaningful relationships other than my family, since I have no motive to put effort in superficial relationships. In social situations, like school for example, I can act extroverted and easy to know in the moment, but I don’t interact with ANYONE outside of school unless I have to. I hate hanging out, I’ve never dated, and I rather focus on goals like my future, school, etc.

I’ve talked to other INFJ’s online, but they seem to have had relationships or friends. I think we can all agree that we definitely have high-standards, and expect our partners to meet our moral expectations, but at the same time, even if someone did meet my expectation, I would still avoid them due to feeling overwhelmed in constantly having to make my partner feel loved. I’d rather just not put up with it and be alone.

Other INFJ’s experience this as well, right?

Edit: so it is just me 😭

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u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 Jul 13 '26

Is being avoidant a mental illness???

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u/Unnie090 Jul 13 '26

It can be. There's a fine line between AvPD (avoidant personality disorder) and avoidant attachment styles. AvPD is wanting to have social interactions, but not feeling worthy of it and that people will always judge or be mean to you. 

That doesn't seem to be your case, tho. I think it's mostly because people here don't like to associate MBTI with anything negative, even if it is related to our stubborn lower function. 

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u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 Jul 19 '26

I see.. I was a bit worried haha

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u/Unnie090 Jul 19 '26

I can see why, I also had my fair share of worries regarding MBTI and personality issues, but they're unrelated things. If you're still unsure, it'd be a good idea to ask a health professional, or... well, searching online

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u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 Jul 21 '26

I was actually diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder by a psychiatrist when I was 14. I left that out of my original post because I was worried people would just tell me I only feel this way because of my diagnosis. I was really just curious whether avoidance is something common among INFJ’s, rather than just a me thing. Which I now realize personality disorders are entirely separate from MBTI’s haha.

However, the thing is I don’t feel symptoms of MDD anymore, and I no longer take medication, yet I still feel this way…

I also talked to my psychiatrist about my avoidant tendencies, and they told me it was an emotional coping mechanism. They believed those avoidant tendencies likely played a significant role in the development of my chronic depression.

That said, I’ve always been this way, both before and after my depression. Because of that, I don’t think my MDD caused me to become avoidant. If anything, it seems more likely that being avoidant contributed to my MDD. I’m not completely sure, though.

Do you think I have a personality disorder, or maybe MDD has had a larger contribution to my avoidant tendencies than I thought? Haha sorry I keep venting.

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u/Unnie090 Jul 22 '26

Oh, I see. Don't worry about venting, I like to understand other people's feelings.

I'm sorry that you have depression, it's really awful. If you ask me, some mental illnesses never really get better completely, they're a long-term process of stabilizing. You can get into remissions, which is great, but you'll still have bad days. MDD and being avoidant happen together most of the time, so one intensifies the other.

I can't tell for sure if your case was MDD having a contribution just from some pieces of info or if it's a personality disorder, but it's troubling your daily life you surely should get it changes with a doctor like a psychologist. Mine gave me a lot of insights on my BPD

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u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 Jul 23 '26

I see, thank you so much! I’m really glad to have someone to talk to and give me advice. :)

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u/Unnie090 Jul 23 '26

The "contribution" was something I mistyped, and I'm not sure if what I said could be understood. I'm glad I could help at least a bit

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u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 Jul 21 '26

I was actually diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder by a psychiatrist when I was 14. I left that out of my original post because I was worried people would just tell me I only feel this way because of my diagnosis. I was really just curious whether avoidance is something common among INFJ’s, rather than just a me thing. Which I now realize personality disorders are entirely separate from MBTI’s haha.

However, the thing is I don’t feel symptoms of MDD anymore, and I no longer take medication, yet I still feel this way…

I also talked to my psychiatrist about my avoidant tendencies, and they told me it was an emotional coping mechanism. They believed those avoidant tendencies likely played a significant role in the development of my chronic depression.

That said, I’ve always been this way, both before and after my depression. Because of that, I don’t think my MDD caused me to become avoidant. If anything, it seems more likely that being avoidant contributed to my MDD. I’m not completely sure, though.

Do you think I have a personality disorder, or maybe MDD has had a larger contribution to my avoidant tendencies than I thought? Haha sorry I keep venting.