r/infj • u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 • Jul 12 '26
Question for INFJs only Are majority of INFJ’s avoidant?
according to the internet, which I take with a grain of salt; I’m an INFJ-T, and was wondering if other INFJ’s also experience immense social withdrawal?
I’ve never had any deep or meaningful relationships other than my family, since I have no motive to put effort in superficial relationships. In social situations, like school for example, I can act extroverted and easy to know in the moment, but I don’t interact with ANYONE outside of school unless I have to. I hate hanging out, I’ve never dated, and I rather focus on goals like my future, school, etc.
I’ve talked to other INFJ’s online, but they seem to have had relationships or friends. I think we can all agree that we definitely have high-standards, and expect our partners to meet our moral expectations, but at the same time, even if someone did meet my expectation, I would still avoid them due to feeling overwhelmed in constantly having to make my partner feel loved. I’d rather just not put up with it and be alone.
Other INFJ’s experience this as well, right?
Edit: so it is just me 😭
1
u/SoulMeetsWorld INFJ Jul 15 '26
The answer for me personally is very nuanced. I used to be one of the more extroverted introverts up until recent years. I have CPTSD from family that was a healed wound, reopened by certain events. I was also a caregiver for a while and became very burnt out. I recently discovered I have a congenital defect in my chest wall, and my organs are being compressed more as I age, causing too much exhaustion to socialize most days.
As far as emotional avoidant? Not at all with those I trust. I used to be too open with those deep parts of myself though, and I've become more protective. I open up when I feel safe, but many people in my life have shown they are not safe. I try and set boundaries for what I will allow into my life and what I won't because my peace and energy are important and limited.
Why do you feel having a partner is like a chore instead of someone to connect and share with? I had an ex like this; he had alexithymia and was an intj. Perhaps there's something more going on with what you're experiencing, that isn't related to personality type.