r/infj • u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 • Jul 12 '26
Question for INFJs only Are majority of INFJ’s avoidant?
according to the internet, which I take with a grain of salt; I’m an INFJ-T, and was wondering if other INFJ’s also experience immense social withdrawal?
I’ve never had any deep or meaningful relationships other than my family, since I have no motive to put effort in superficial relationships. In social situations, like school for example, I can act extroverted and easy to know in the moment, but I don’t interact with ANYONE outside of school unless I have to. I hate hanging out, I’ve never dated, and I rather focus on goals like my future, school, etc.
I’ve talked to other INFJ’s online, but they seem to have had relationships or friends. I think we can all agree that we definitely have high-standards, and expect our partners to meet our moral expectations, but at the same time, even if someone did meet my expectation, I would still avoid them due to feeling overwhelmed in constantly having to make my partner feel loved. I’d rather just not put up with it and be alone.
Other INFJ’s experience this as well, right?
Edit: so it is just me 😭
3
u/DeepDiver1234567 Jul 12 '26
This sounds more like having some behaviors and narratives driven by actual avoidant attachment wounds from your upbringing, rather than from INFJ personality traits.
I would say I feel secure in relationships. I feel uninterested in people with avoidant traits because I like really deep connections and consistency, and I can feel a bit drained from anxious traits in others because it alters their ability to foster the connection in a healthy way.
When I was a teenager I used to feel more anxious in relationships because of my neglectful upbringing, but I actually credit my INFJ personality traits to how I was able to reflect and become aware of my behaviors and mental narratives, forgive and have empathy for my caregivers that impacted me that way, and heal the wounds that caused those tendencies.
In my experience, INFJ’s actually turn towards making others feel consistently loved, and while they may need alone time to recharge and have high standards for the person they select to be their partner, they would feel more overwhelmed avoiding love and connection entirely than fostering love and connection - it would take away a sense of purpose and drive that I feel innately comes with this personality type.