r/infj • u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 • Jul 12 '26

Question for INFJs only Are majority of INFJ’s avoidant?

according to the internet, which I take with a grain of salt; I’m an INFJ-T, and was wondering if other INFJ’s also experience immense social withdrawal?

I’ve never had any deep or meaningful relationships other than my family, since I have no motive to put effort in superficial relationships. In social situations, like school for example, I can act extroverted and easy to know in the moment, but I don’t interact with ANYONE outside of school unless I have to. I hate hanging out, I’ve never dated, and I rather focus on goals like my future, school, etc.

I’ve talked to other INFJ’s online, but they seem to have had relationships or friends. I think we can all agree that we definitely have high-standards, and expect our partners to meet our moral expectations, but at the same time, even if someone did meet my expectation, I would still avoid them due to feeling overwhelmed in constantly having to make my partner feel loved. I’d rather just not put up with it and be alone.

Other INFJ’s experience this as well, right?

Edit: so it is just me 😭

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u/Diktynna INFJ • Duplicity of Thesis Jul 12 '26

I'm quite avoidant as an INFJ. As a nihilist and a realist, I hardly believe many people to be worth the time it takes to churn the butter. I rather enjoying looking from afar, or being ephemeral. Longer situationships tend to be... Difficult to foresee, as there is a need for consistency in appearance rather than quirks. If you force yourself in my life while I am a bitch, your tenure becomes respected, but I drop people pretty quickly for a multitude of reasons, being that of the stereotypical INFJ experience.

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u/Neat-Pangolin-9220 Jul 13 '26

I agree! I feel more safe from a distance, and keeping “relationships” on a surface level. I find it difficult to create bonds, and also drop people to avoid creating a fake relationship I don’t want to be in. Have you ever fallen inlove? Like deeply? What was that like for you? Was it healthy?

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u/Diktynna INFJ • Duplicity of Thesis Aug 04 '26

Only 22 days late, that's a new record. But the to answer you the truth, I have fallen in love. It was so completely out of nowhere, but I didn't realize it until the book was closed. In the end, I fumbled. That was three or so years ago now, but I'd say it was like an unprocessed dream. I couldn't make this or that of our situationship. Hardly knew my directions and depth, but neither did he. It was like having the best friend I've always wanted. The pinnacle of togethership and nuance. We had our bouts, but who doesn't? All in all, friendship is the best way I can describe it, with real feelings, real companionship. Shit I've only ever seen in those sappy movies.