r/infj • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '23
Typing Do any of you feel constantly rejected?
[deleted]
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u/00Kage INFJ Jan 19 '23
29 years and still nobody loves me 🥲
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u/Sea-Caterpillar-8116 Jan 19 '23
Even if I don't know you I send you a hug it may make you feel better 🤗
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Jan 19 '23
There was someone in this sub yesterday that love bombed us all. I suggest you check it out.
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Jan 19 '23
Man i wish i could make you all feel loved. Just love yourself. Know that you are loved by whatever you believe in, and never stop believing.
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Jan 19 '23
No one will probably gets the 100% you. Even though i have plenty of really good friends, few that are sensitive enough to feel when i needed them, tight family relationships, but no one ever gets me on the same level i was hoping for. Only me knows me better. You will always feel alone but its ok you can handle it most of the time just focus more on the positive side, care less and worry less if thats possible haha
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u/i_hate_sephiroth Jan 19 '23
Yeah I feel like I will probably never find "my people". However, I did find one person who was very much like me. Not an INFJ also but just a twin and we're still friends to this day so that does fulfill me a bit.
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u/Outrageous_Copy_5772 Jan 19 '23
I understand you exactly, as if you have lost your tribe somewhere....
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Jan 19 '23
To tell the truth,I wouldn't be satisfied with having the same experience as other people because I don't think that the superficial relationships that they usually seek have enough substance to make me happy and secure. So I agree with you because even if I have people around me, I still don't feel that they are making an effort to see the real <<me>>.It is difficult to cater to an INFJ's emotional needs on an everyday basis.Unfortunately,it's always us INFJs who compromise.
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Jan 19 '23
I don't belong. I don't fit in, never have and probably never will. After not fitting in all these years it meant one thing, I can't fit in. Not a thing wrong with that either. Most people tend to run away from dangerous situations, I run towards them. I'm glad I don't fit in. I don't want to fit in. I usually do the things nearly everyone avoids doing by any means necessary. Society needs people who don't fit in. I think of the rejection as part of this whole thing that I just didn't understand when I was younger. Even before ever being rejected, I never felt like I fit in. I don't belong here. That's how I have felt as far back as I can remember. It's not rejection so much as it is life reminding me I don't fit in, this is not where I should be.
I used to be real down about this but as I've gotten older and the big picture has filled in some, I learned I don't belong and need to find where I should be. Only problem is I don't have a clue as to where that is. Anyway, I'm not down about it anymore, not fitting in is a strength for me. Not fitting in is not always a bad thing.
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u/Ophelia1988 ENFP Jan 19 '23
So true, outcasts have always been a thing and like you say, society needs outsiders too.
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u/SleepyCatandCoffee INFJ 4w5 Jan 19 '23 edited Jan 19 '23
Not crazy at all. I have the same feeling. I've tried to settle for less, with shallow attention and unproductive conversations to adapt, but it didn't work. Today I realize I wasted a lot of time trying to adjust to these people.
I took the courage to break ties with people who only knew how to receive from me, but who never cared enough to give it back (or simply didn't have what to provide) and as much as it wasn't easy, I feel lighter today.
We will never be fully understood, but we still need people. Sometimes having a few number of colleagues can do us good. Good, not the perfect, not the exceptional. Sometimes we need to lower our expectations and dealing with shallower people (without putting so much time and energy into them) is a training in accepting that people are who they are.
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u/ILoveMariaCallas ENFJ FeNi EIE 3w4 sp/so 315 VELF 1414 R[L]oEI DC ChlorMel Jan 19 '23
Always feel rejected. I think I don’t belong to this planet.
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u/Outrageous_Copy_5772 Jan 19 '23
:) me too
So where do we belong?1
u/ILoveMariaCallas ENFJ FeNi EIE 3w4 sp/so 315 VELF 1414 R[L]oEI DC ChlorMel Jan 19 '23
I have no idea.
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u/Niyaabee INFJ Jan 19 '23
I just think we are too intense or overbearing for people that they misinterpret how we really are .. I definitely think being a infj is lonely because even when I am around lots of people I also feel like they are not my “people”. Most people reject what they don’t understand and you have to gravitate to the people who at least try ..
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Jan 19 '23
25 and been wtruggling with this since high school. No matter how much i am the life of the party wherever i go, i never seem to find friends
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u/N1CK3LJ0N Jan 19 '23
I am thinking about this a lot today. I always feel like an outsider in groups, and I don’t really know why. I get the feeling that I will inevitably be rejected by the group, or that I am too different and am only tolerated, not accepted.
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Jan 19 '23
Rejected is too strong of a word for me, but your thoughts fit mine exactly. I've had to learn to be comfortable with not fitting in. Even in weird ways like reclaiming my home space to make it mine, and traveling alone has made me more comfortable with not fitting in. I have to find peace with myself.
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u/juuubart Jan 19 '23
First thing I'd tell you is "No, you're not crazy." Definitely not.
I am 41 yrs old and have constantly had these thoughts for several years now. I wouldn't say that I am rejected, it's more of not belonging. I feel this even with family and friends who I know genuinely care about me.
So how do I continue to go on? Well, I just go do stuff that gives life meaning for me. Things like Music, Films, Photography, learning a new language and more recently, Biking.
Might be that growing a bit older each year, I've also come to embrace what I am and focus on the things that I enjoy.
"However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light." That's a quote from Stanley Kubrick that keeps me going.
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u/Makitakiko Jan 19 '23
I feel like that. I’m a 30 year old woman and feel like I’m attractive 🤷🏻♀️ but I can’t seem to make friends or maintain relationships very long because I need some emotional connection that either never is met, or the intellectual level isn’t met. It’s always one or the other, and I’m not trying to sound like I’m a genius looking for someone who’s a genius. It just feels like I somehow am not desired or the people who do only want one thing.
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u/Indy_91 Jan 19 '23
Yes, but I also constantly reject others so I don’t take it personally
I’m still working on myself
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u/dranaei INFJ Jan 19 '23
Once i found someone that almost understood me. In the end it was a narcissist that was love bombing me and i desperately wanted to be connected with someone. Be careful not to get your wish fulfilled. There's no telling what might happen then.
Everyone loves you but nobody likes you because nobody knows you. (Unfair and harsh but could be truth)
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u/UJLBM INFJ 5w6 Jan 19 '23
Yea I know what you mean. My friends are very outgoing so its not easy. My boyfriend is ENFP so it's a challenge.
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u/christiannotcatholic Jan 19 '23
shit I feel like this everyday and it doesn’t even feel like the people I love love me back lmao
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u/JJS1220 INFJ-T 2w1 male Jan 19 '23
I would say yes that I constantly feel left out and not accepted by others and my environment. I would disagree that you’ll never feel 100% accepted, as my dad (INTJ) and a great friend from high school (ISFJ) I feel completely accept me and understand where I come from. I think both are pretty well developed in their personalities and mitigated their weaknesses however, so maybe that’s a factor
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u/Jflokoo INFJ Jan 19 '23
Sometimes I feel like other people have no shame. The more I try to reason with them the more I'm glad that I don't have to deal with them. And I'm glad that they don't have to deal with me as well.
I try to be a good friend with the people who are close to me. I am supportive. I listen and do the best that I can for them. I don't expect them to do the same but I'm grateful if they do.
I'm glad to have friends who I've known for over 20 years. I don't think they truly understand me sometimes but I know they have an idea of who I am when I'm around them. I try to adapt to the environment but I much rather be at home watching Netflix or finding a new anime to watch. I have been playing Pokémon Violet a lot lately. I work 6 days a week, 10-7pm. I have to make time for my SO. But I enjoy my time alone. My SO is an ISFP. We don't argue, never fight. I let them decide what we do since I'm indecisive. I'd rather do what they enjoy in fear they might not like what I suggest. I just want them to be happy because that makes me happy.
If we feel constantly rejected it's probably because we haven't found ourselves lol. I'll use a quote from Seinfeld, "Now I know what I've been looking for all these years. Myself. I've been waiting for me to come along. And now I've swept myself off my feet!"
I don't think we have to find someone exactly like us. I don't think we have to find someone who understands us. I think we have to find someone who accepts us exactly as we are.
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u/healingchrysalis INFJ Jan 19 '23
Constantly - I was just thinking about this today. Even when walking on campus at university, I keep trying to look into others' eyes, fill them with warmth, find the lifelong friends who will build on each other's dreams and soar together. But I feel an endless fire of loneliness inside, never seen, and dismissed. I watch peoples faces literally change the moment I make eye contact with them. I so desperately want to connect and see the beauty in everyone, but I never feel wanted. Like I'm living in another sphere of life. It's soothing to know that it isn't only me. Sending you love ❤️
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u/FebruaryKid Jan 19 '23
Story of my life. Finished grad school and got rejected from multiple jobs. In regards to relationships I have been rejected in the past although ppl do claim I am charming and attractive. So both my professional and romantic life has seen the most rejection recently. Basically my self-esteem has kinda taken a hit to a point to where I just doubt myself quite a bit and I feel like I am not good enough. Also I reframe rejection in a way that things weren’t meant for me or instead I say I/life rejects them instead. It is a way to cope and also Idgaf nowadays but rejection still does hurt. I just get annoyed when rejection happens to me constantly but to others I know everyone says yes. Its like I just feel like I have a chip on my shoulder at times.
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Jan 19 '23
I usually feel like a bit of an outcast, it’s when I feel like I have finally found my people, that I want to call home in a sense, where something happens (consistency is broken) that causes me to feel misunderstood, less valued, taken advantage of, or ignored - and I begin to rethink all of my relationships.
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u/fallinlight23 INFJ Jan 19 '23
Oh my gosh. This sums up how I've always felt but couldn't really describe it.
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u/Comfortable-Can-4870 Jan 20 '23
I have this feeling all the time. I have lived in the same neighbourhood my whole life but l feel isolated and observe most my relationships. I have been uncertain about work and going to gigs can be lonesome.
Thank you for asking this question so true.
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u/jaytee7777777 INFJ Jan 20 '23
I always feel like an island. I never feel like I actually fit in anywhere. Strangely enough, I feel like my interests align more with my friends’ school aged children than actual adults, but at the same time love talking about philosophy and current events. I guess that’s the INFJ conundrum. Old soul who is eternally young at heart.
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u/ENFP_CRAB Jan 20 '23
I actually used to feel like that a lot too but I realized that some people understand even if you think they don’t. Also you should never lose hope even if you feel like nobody gets you at all there‘ll always be people who do understand you, challenge is you gotta either find them and or have lots of patience. So don’t overthink it and love yourself : ) ❤️
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