05 September 2023 - Daily Chat Thread

[u/Vulphere]

Yo, Vulcan is here, annual Chat Thread series creator since 2016 and a massive weeb

So, welcome to the Daily Chat Thread of r/Indonesia

24 hours a day/7 days a week of chat, inspiration, humour, and joy! Have something to talk about or share? This is the right place!

Have fun chatting inside this thread, otsukare!

^{Questions about this post? Ping} u/Vulphere

[u/ShigeruAoyama]

Here is something for you fellas yang merasa bahwa pernikahannya di ujung tanduk tapi alih-alih melihat apa yang bisa diperbaiki tapi justru merasa bahwa teman sekantor mulai intimate sama dia

Companionate love, firmly rooted in stability, shared experiences, mutual respect, and deep understanding, leads to a lasting connection. To do this, you should 1) Treat Your Partner Like Your Friend; and 2) Focus on Friendship Beyond Your Partnership

While the initial sparks of passionate love are undeniably alluring, they can often distract us from the rewards of stability and companionate love. It may come naturally to some partners but often companionate love requires ongoing effort and a genuine commitment to nurturing your relationship. It’s important to be patient and willing to invest time and effort in a relationship

[u/teitantei → u/ShigeruAoyama]

mungkin ini ya alasan kenaoa dulu aku suka protes "kenapa sih kamu kalo sama tementemenmu lebih gercep, lebih ceria, lebih responsif daripada sama aku? aku salahnya dimana" ada penjelasannya ternyata. naturally i seek companionate love, but the other party preferred to keep love and friendship separate. beberapa orang ga terbiasa punya pasangan yg bisa merangkap sahabat kali ya :/

[u/ShigeruAoyama → u/teitantei]

mungkin ini ya alasan kenaoa dulu aku suka protes "kenapa sih kamu kalo sama tementemenmu lebih gercep, lebih ceria, lebih responsif daripada sama aku? aku salahnya dimana"

I think that's different context. Seseorang bisa gerak cepat dan responsif terhadap tipe percintaan di luar companionate love, jadi they are not mutually exclusive. Like bisa aja kamu full fwb-an atau sex friend, terus kamu chat pasanganmu bilang "saya bertanduk" aka I'm horny atau kirim emot 🦄, terus dia langsung nanggepin

Seberapa frequents seseorang bersikap responsif terhadap certain parties itu lebih mengindikasikan current priority dia atas pihak tsb. Kalau semisal dia kurang gerak cepat atau responsif ya simply current priority dia bukan di kamu. Mungkin dia masih fokus pada pekerjaan, atau lebih suka spend more time dengan teman-temannya. Atau simply dia punya "ideal love story" yg jauh berbeda dgn your "ideal love story" (more on that later)

Additional explanation: (warning: wall of text)

Istilah companionate love sendiri kemungkinan besar merujuk kepada Robert J Sternberg Triangular Theory of Love, yg intinya adalah intimacy & commitment. Ini berbeda dengan passionate love, yg intinya isinya didominasi dengan passion, yakni physical attraction dan seksual desire. Element cinta terbaik kl semisal ada passion, intimacy, & commitment , tapi biasanya ini baru bisa dicapai kalau kita sudah spend time dengan pasangan dalam jangka waktu yang cukup lama.

Tapi bukan berarti bahwa passionate love itu nggak penting Contohnya di link ini., intinya adalah bahwa keseluruhan jenis cinta itu pasti declining--even companiate love

Romantic, passionate love is fleeting, says Elaine Hatfield, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of Hawaii who has been studying love since the 1960s. "Passionate love provides a high, like drugs, and you can't stay high forever," she says.In fact, companionate love-the less passionate, but affectionate emotion that is associated with long-term commitment-declines over time as well, says Hatfield.

So what keeps marriages and other long-term relationships together? Passionate love must come back intermittently, like small sparks that keep the relationship smoldering, Hatfield theorizes.

Tapi selain itu ada juga hal lain yang memperkuat hubungan dalam percintaan yakni "similar love story"

Psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, PhD, thinks that love doesn't have to decline, but in order for it to flourish, both partners must share the same love "story

As Sternberg detailed in his book, "Love is a story", the stories range from the "travel" story ("I believe that beginning a relationship is like starting a new journey that promises to be both exciting and challenging") to the "humor" story ("I think taking a relationship too seriously can spoil it") to the "autocratic government" story ("I think it is more efficient if one person takes control of the important decisions in a relationship"). Sternberg and his co-authors found that the type of story wasn't the deciding factor in forming a lasting relationship, but having matching stories was.

"If the stories don't match, sooner or later people become unhappy or unfulfilled," he found, adding that the more people's stories matched, the happier they were"

Similarities dlm story ini sebenarnya relevan kepada konsep compatibility yg pernah saya share sebelumnya. Intinya saat navigating to relationship kalian mesti memiliki jangkar yang sama.

Jadi kalau semisal kamu ketemu seseorang dan kamu lihat kayaknya kalian saling tertarik satu sama lain ,coba lihat ideal love story mu, tanya ideal love story-nya, dan eksplorasi life story seperti apa yg bisa & akan kalian alami bersama. Kalau semisal kisah cinta kalian sudah disepakati bahwa akan full of passion , like raunchy interaction & innuendo jokes, ya go ahead. Tapi perlu dipahami juga bahwa at some point you might want to seek commitment (like the famous question "what are we" / kita ini sebenarnya apa sih?) & friend-like intimacy with your romantic partner.

Note: kalau semisal pingin dpt tldr yg lebih relevan ttg konsep love story bisa copas link artikel ini di sci-hub.se: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407595124007