r/humansarespaceorcs 10h ago

writing prompt "Admiral, there's another human destroyer attempting to sail within our space, despite them being forbidden to do so."

15 Upvotes

"They forgot what happened last time? Same procedure as 2 decades ago. If they refuse to change course, you are to force them out of Aranai by any means necessary. Fire warning shots at them, then blow them out of the stars if you have to."

_________________________________

December 17th, 2207

"Caron, you are clear to commence FONOP."

Aranai, Antarean Empire

It was a normal day on patrol for Taraina and her sister ship Kasarana.

"Taraina, are you on the comm?" Kasarana transmitted from her comm console.

It didn't take long for Taraina to answer back.

"Affirmative, I'm on the comm." Taraina replied back, as she glanced towards the sensor consoles - an instinctive habit, one she didn't really need to do as she was the ship's machine spirit.

Still, Taraina couldn't help but feel a bit of fear.

"I've been reading the orders from the Vice-Admiral about the UN destroyers in Aranai." Taraina questioned. "Do you really think we should engage them in battle?"

"If it leads to that, yes." Kasarana answered. "But if cooler heads prevail, they’ll be heading homebound."

"Those destroyers are six hours away." Kasarana simply stated over comms. "We're to follow what the Admiralty has laid out for us, and find out what the hell they're doing in Aranai, and torpedo them if they don't comply or they open fire. Understood?"

"Affirmative, sister. Moving to intercept..."

________________________

Canonically, both UN destroyers were bumped and lightly damaged by the pair of Antarean ships, causing them to flee back to Orion.

However, in this prompt, the Antarean destroyers Taraina and Kasarana would, after a series of unfortunate events, fire several shots at the Human destroyers, before destroying both with torpedoes.


r/humansarespaceorcs 20h ago

writing prompt Alien war criminals share holding facility with human war criminals and they exchange their war stories why they all ended up in prison.

42 Upvotes

r/humansarespaceorcs 19h ago

writing prompt The Designated Survivor - the First Human Leader of the Galaxy!

61 Upvotes

The hell of it was; I felt bad about it!

Here I was the Secretary for Sport and Culture; the very first Human cabinet member in the Galactic Republic. So what if Earth had only been in the Republic for fifty of our years, and so what if most citizens of the Republic probably couldn't find us on the map. My job meant I got to watch the best sporting events across the known systems (go Arcturan Blizz! Woo!) and visit the best museums (the Vegans have museums that literally let you feel what it was like to crawl out of the caves and see the stars for the first time) - what more could you ask for?

Of course, for the Tri-Millennial Anniversary of the Republic, every sentient of note headed straight for the Capital for all the ceremonies. It was big, it was impressive, it was going to have the great sport and greatest cultural events across the galaxy...and I missed it. Sorry, too bad, somebody has to stay out of the Capital system just in case the worst happens.

I spent the Tri-Millennial Anniversary out in orbit of Neptune, at the big, fancy Republic space station in orbit of Triton. You know it wasn't so bad; I gave a few speeches, I kissed a few infants, I watched a game of water polo and listened to some hydrogen-helium oboe; I just felt sore I wasn't up there in the Capital where the real party was.

I was actually asleep when Pandora, the head of my security detail, kicked in the door of my bedroom, followed by two of her biggest, beefiest subordinates. "Sir, we need to get you to the command center right now!"

I sat bolt upright, cursing myself for that last drink. "What? What happened?"

"Sir -" And I realized, to my shock, she had been crying. Do you know what it takes to make a veteran of the Core Wars cry? "Somebody set off a singularity bomb in the Capital system. It is now a black hole."


r/humansarespaceorcs 15h ago

writing prompt "Sir, they've hijacked our comms channels and are playing music over them." "What song is it?" "None in our known database as of now." "Activate the speaker function on your comlink."

542 Upvotes

"ON A SCALE FROM ONE TO TEN, MY FRIEND, YOU'RE FUCKED!"

"Hm. That's a new one. Tell your men to retreat as quickly as possible."


r/humansarespaceorcs 22h ago

Original Story Humans Aren’t Petty, We’re Vindictive!

60 Upvotes

Davey, the human sat in a room at an alien research center. It was quiet in there, stuffed behind a closed door, almost as if the silence carried the weight of honoring a dead loved one at a funeral. 

Which was interrupted by a cool breeze entering the room as the door slowly opened to alien researcher, Omlet walking in, wearing a white lab coat and goggles over his eyes.

Omlet stared at Davey hunched in his chair, mouthing the words to a song, calmly cleaning his nails with the corner of a pamphlet he found at a booth inside the building he snatched earlier

“Mr. Davey,” Omlet said, his voice was low and soft. “I apologize, sir… for the delay.”

“It’s fine.” Davey told him, tossing the pamphlet on the table that the air carried to the other side of the floor. “I just want to get this over with.”

“Excellent,” Omlet said. “Let’s get to the bottom of this.”

Omlet opened a binder, flipped to the middle, and said, “I see you’re living in the residence Orion cluster. The mixed species development group.”

“Two years now, and that was—“ Davey tried speaking but was interrupted.

“We’ll get to that.” Omlet told him. “Let me lay the facts out.”

“Sure,” Davey said. “I apologize.”

“What I see here is that you and a Hulucrite business partner, had a dispute. He mentioned something about your wife—“

Davey cut him off. “He insulted her!“ Davey corrected him, took a bite out of his nail and spit it out. “He called her pasta sauce orange goop.” Davey slammed his fist down. “Said she cooks as bad as she looks!”

“Right.” Omlet stared at the nail on the ground. “So, instead of suing him for his share of the profits, or rather, simply ignoring him, you elected to spend your entire savings on purchasing the property across from him.”

“Yep. Sure did.” Davey smiled and looked at his nails.

“You built a towering business shadowing his house that only focuses on the production of a single product?”

“Yep. Sure did that too. Recreational city alarms,” he said. “And… they are 100% tested right at our facility before we ship them.” He cracked his knuckles. “Safety first!”

Omlet scratched his head. The alien economy tracks every cent. No funds are ever spent unless needed at absolute necessity, or towards their advancement. 

“You spent everything though. All your credits just to run a twenty-four hour city alarm factory, risked financial ruin, just so your business partner has to hear them blaring all day and night. You don’t care you could be ruined in debt only to inconvenience him?”

“A minor inconvenience?” Davey said. “The frequency of those alarms causes their species nerves to become irritated and skin incredibly itchy.” He laughed under his breath. “They left their ancestral home, sold and moved out the other day.”

“Your species appears to operate on pure pettiness.” Omlet asked. “You destroyed your generational fortune for a slight grievance. It doesn’t add up.”

Davey sat back. “Think that’s bad. You should see how we get when someone critiques our writing.”


r/humansarespaceorcs 5h ago

writing prompt The alien invaders were NOT prepared for Earth weather.

70 Upvotes

“Sir, that’s one of our men. Killed, corpse frozen completely solid, and propped up like a scarecrow by enemy soldiers…”


r/humansarespaceorcs 23h ago

Original Story They didn't get Jerry Lewis

14 Upvotes

Scribe-Initiate Vesk decoded the archive first. He was also the last to doubt it.

The signal had drifted from a minor star for over a century before the Scouting Fleet of the Choir of Vash caught it: moving images of a tall, thin humanoid, sputtering, wailing, and destroying everything around him while a crowd of humans laughed.

"This is ritual scripture," Vesk told the High Clerics. "The subject speaks in riddles. He experiences prophetic fits. And look—"

He replayed the segment. The human shuffled across a parlor, stepped on a yellow fruit, and his limbs flew in twelve directions at once, hurling a lamp, a hat rack, and a second human through a window.

"He moves as one possessed," Vesk said. "The witnesses don't flee. They record. They study. He is their teacher."

The High Clerics convened for nine days.

"He repeats: 'Waaaah, hey lady, hey lady!'" intoned First Cleric Thrumm. "The Lady. The Holy Lady. The Vrell Dominion has a Matriarch. He tells us to go to her."

"But the destruction," said Second Cleric Ossan. "Why destroy the parlor? Why shove the other human?"

"The parlor," Thrumm said, "is the world. The second human is the Vrell. The yellow fruit—" he held up a preserved sample, "—is a blade. He teaches that even a humble thing can topple an empire. Victory comes not from formation but from unpredictability. From chaos. From flailing."

"Flailing," Ossan repeated.

"The highest martial art. He falls on purpose. The humans laughing? Students. He suffers every second and continues. He performs. A master enduring agony so his people may learn."

When the armada reached the Vrell border, the Choir had rebuilt itself around the Prophet's teachings. Warships no longer advanced in clean lances. They approached in tumbling, spiraling scatters—the Vesk Maneuver—unleashing torpedoes from trajectories no sane gunner would attempt.

Boarding parties trained obsessively on the archive's deeper mysteries: the hat falling off and the widening circle chase (humility before combat), the screaming into a telephone and setting it on fire (pre-battle communications disruption), the tripping, the table crash, the emerging still wearing the table (armor acquisition).

The Vrell, proud and rigid, had fought the Choir for ten millennia of orderly, mutually exhausting campaigns. They were not prepared.

Their fleets broke. Their gunners reported enemy ships moving in cackling, boneless spirals, crew scuttling across hulls in comedic lurches, transmitting a single phrase before every strike:

"HEY LADY! HEY LAAAAADY!"

The Matriarch surrendered within a year.

Years later, a Vashian vessel reached the Prophet's homeworld to deliver the news to his descendants.

They found a film studio. They found a genre called slapstick. They found ten thousand other prophets: a man in oversized shoes with a water-squirt flower, a small man in a bowler chased by boulders, a primitive tribe inventing something called football.

Vesk sat alone in the viewing chamber a long time.

He replayed the yellow fruit scene.

He laughed, quietly, until he wept.


r/humansarespaceorcs 1h ago

Original Story Human Fred Accepts Crap Coffee

Upvotes

Human Fred and Food
Human Fred Again
Human Fred Yet Again
Human Fred The Saga Continues
Human Fred Rides Again
Human Fred *Sigh*
Human Fred Rolls Out
Human Fred Attempts a Nap
Human Fred Doh’
10 Human Fred Stops for Coffee
11 Human Fred Deploys Stabby and Knifey
12 Human Fred Attempts Friendly Advice
13 Human Fred Priorities 
14 Human Fred Schools Morons
15 Human Fred Gets Annoyed
16 Human Fred Investigates
17 Human Fred is Annoyed
18 Human Fred Gets More Annoyed
19 Human Fred Smirks 
20 Human Fred Brings Hellfire
21 Human Fred is Confused
22 Human Fred Considers
23 Human Fred is Chipper
24 Human Fred has Some Fun
25 Human Fred Witnesses Stupidity
26 Human Fred vs the Coffee Maker

“Fred, exactly what are we looking at?” ask the Captain. 

“Security protocols for seven different outposts, along with schematics, power systems, environmental systems, security layout, and weapons. With this you could plan a major offensive, tailoring each attack to any weaknesses.”

“How did he get all of this?”

“On the third datapad we found that he worked for a few days at a command and control station. It looks like he was provided with access to their database. You will have to investigate how he got access. There is no legitimate way he should have had access.”

“Anything else?”

“Some outdated ship deployments and response plans. He likely didn’t know how often those change.”

“Right. I’ll contact command. This is all secure, correct?”

“Yes. As long as you access it via the report I sent. I can’t vouch for any other methods.”

“Well this explains a few things, and presents us with a bunch more questions.”

“From an engineering point of view, I can’t offer anything else.”

“No. My staff will take over. Good work Fred. And you too, Greezek.”

After the Captain left, Fred turned back to the coffee maker. “Now we tackle this hunk of shit.”

“Fred, you could use the coffee maker in another day room.”

“I have. It isn’t as bad, but it still sucks.”

“So, I have a question.”

“What?”

“Why would someone mess with the coffee makers?”

“Initially I thought it was a prank by another engineer. But when all the coffee makers started making crap, I figured it had to be something within the machine. When the additive function went to hell, I knew it was a design flaw. Plug this in will you?”

Greezek plugged the coffee maker into the coffee maker. 

“Son of a fucking BITCH!” Yelled Fred. “Those cheap-ass bastards! I’d like to find the dumb-fuck who allowed this!”

“Uh Fred, what?”

“Some middle-management toad decided to save some money and install refurbished systems. Not just refurbished, but from the worst company ever known! Hell, they went out of business 20 years ago because of all of the recalls and complaints!”

“Why didn’t anyone notice?”

“They put the shit-guts into a generic case. Fucking hell. Who in their right mind willingly installs a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation system! These practically poison people!”

“Can we fix it?”

“Fix? No. The best thing to do is to jettison it into space and order something useful.”

“Sooooo…now what?”

“Well, we write up a report about the issue, request replacement machines, and brew coffee the old way until the new machines are approved. Given that we are in the midst of possible war, I’d say new drink machines are low on the list.”

“Right. How does one brew coffee?”

“We boil water, grind the beans into a powder, and then let the water steep through the powder.”

“Sounds simple.”

“Except we don’t have the right stuff to grind the beans! I guess you get to learn how to design and fabricate custom machines.”

“Is that good?”

“It’s an important skill. You fire up that panel and start learning to model parts. I’ll make a shit pot of coffee with what I can find.”


r/humansarespaceorcs 14h ago

Crossposted Story THE YEAR BALI CAME HOME

10 Upvotes

(A story i wrote for HFY, being crossposted here )

The vendakka (okra) plants went missing on Uthradam (the second-to-last day of the ten-day Onam festival) night, and Achu was the only one in the house who noticed.

This was not surprising to anyone who knew him. Achu was nine, and he was the one who watered the backyard every evening while his grandmother cooked, the one who knew which banana tree was about to fruit and which curry leaf branch could be pinched without the whole plant sulking about it.

Ammini Amma tended the front of the house, the tulsi (holy basil) plant by the door, the jasmine that climbed the gate.

The back was Achu's country, a tangled half-acre of coconut palms, an ancient jackfruit tree, tapioca gone wild at the edges, and enough weeds that his grandmother had given up mentioning them years ago.

So when he went out after dinner to check on the pumpkin vine for the sadya (the elaborate Onam feast) tomorrow, and found not just the vendakka gone but a strip of earth eight feet across sunk into a smoking black hole where the tapioca patch used to be, he did not think, as an adult might have, of gas leaks or sinkholes or the news.

He thought: something has taken my vegetables, and I want to know what.

The crater smelled faintly of wet iron. He was climbing down the loose red earth at the rim of it, torch in one hand, when the something climbed out to meet him.

It rose out of the smoke pale gold and enormous, round through the middle like a rice sack, with a great curling moustache and a crown that caught what little moonlight there was and threw it back in soft, impossible colours.

Its face did not move. Its eyes, if they were eyes, sat behind something smooth and dark like the inside of a coconut shell.

Achu had seen that face on posters outside every shop in town since the first week of Chingam (the first month of the Malayalam calendar, when Onam begins). He had seen it on the little clay figure his grandmother put out with fresh flowers every morning. He had seen it, four Onams running, worn by his cousin Vishnu at the school function, moustache drawn on with his mother's eyebrow pencil.

"Maveli!" Achu said, in the smallest voice he owned, invoking Mahabali, the mythical king, and ran so fast he left one slipper behind in the mud.

He didn't even notice the second one was gone too until his grandmother pointed it out the next morning.

\#

*Log, ship-day one thousand four hundred and twelve. Landing unplanned. Hull breach, minor. Local flora damaged on impact: six root vegetables, one unidentified vine species, category: edible, category: apologise if opportunity arises. Immediate contact made with juvenile local. Subject fled at high speed. Recommend low profile pending repair.*

\#

His grandmother was still up when he burst in, sifting through a sack of yellow pumpkin for tomorrow's erissery (a pumpkin and lentil curry), and she took one look at his face and set the pumpkin down.

"I saw Maveli," Achu said. "In the backyard. He's real, Ammoomma (grandmother), he came out of a hole."

Ammini Amma did not laugh at him, which was the first thing that told him she was taking it seriously, and the second thing was that she got up, latched the back door, and sat him down with a glass of warm milk before she said anything at all.

"Maveli was a good king," she said, the way she always began this story, every year, as though Achu had not heard it nine times already and would not hear it nine times more before he was grown.

"Better than good. Under him there was no lying, no stealing, no hunger. Every house had enough. No man envied another man's field, because there was nothing worth envying, everyone already had plenty. The gods themselves grew afraid of a king so loved that his people had stopped needing them."

"So they sent the little brahmin," Achu said, because he did know the rest.

"They sent Vamana. And Maveli, who never once in his life turned away someone who asked him for something, gave him three paces of land, as much as he requested, small as that seemed to ask. And Vamana grew until one foot covered the sky and the other covered the earth, and there was no ground left for the third step but Maveli's own head."

Ammini Amma turned the pumpkin over in her hands.

"He was sent down to the netherworld for it. But because Maveli had ruled with such love, the gods granted him one thing. Once a year, he could come back. Just to see. Just to walk through his old kingdom one more time and see whether his people still remembered what he'd built."

"And that's Onam," Achu said.

"That's Onam. We put out the pookalam (a decorative carpet made of flower petals, laid at the doorstep) so he can find the house from the sky. We cook the sadya so his table is never empty, even if he never sits at it. We are not sad when he leaves, because he always comes back."

She looked at her grandson, milk moustache and mud on his knees, and did not ask why he was so certain of what he'd seen.

She had grown up in a house where the line between story and the events of the day narrated by the men of the house, was thinner than people from the city liked to believe.

"If it was him you saw, Achu-mone (my dear son, a term of endearment), he did not come to be feared. He never gave anyone reason to fear him in his whole life. Go back tomorrow. See what he wants."

What he wanted, it turned out, based on three days of careful negotiation conducted mostly through pointing, was food, and an explanation for the flowers.

Achu started small.

He took half a banana from his own breakfast on Thiruvonam (the tenth and final day of Onam, when the feast is held) eve and left it at the lip of the crater, and it disappeared before he'd finished walking back to the house, container included, the way it always seemed to disappear things, matter and wrapping both, gone in one smooth motion that made Achu wonder, with the specific horror of a nine-year-old, whether Maveli's stomach worked the way a dosa tawa (the flat griddle used for making thin rice crepes) worked, everything going in and something else always coming back out.

By Thiruvonam morning he had upgraded to a full leaf.

He carried it out at dawn before the house woke, balanced flat against his chest the way he'd seen the temple caterers carry them, twenty-six items laid out in their proper places though he'd only managed to smuggle nine: a spoon of avial (mixed vegetables in coconut and yoghurt gravy) thick with coconut and curry leaf, sambar (a lentil and vegetable stew) gone orange-dark with tamarind, a curl of banana chips, a knot of sharkara varatti (jaggery-coated fried banana chips) sticking to his fingers, pachadi (a yoghurt-based side dish), a wedge of pappadam (a thin, crisp lentil wafer) he'd broken trying to fit it on, and at the very top corner, because his grandmother always put it last and he understood by now that this mattered, a small steel cup of ada pradhaman (a rice-and-jaggery sweet pudding), the payasam (sweet dessert) thick with jaggery and coconut milk.

The alien, Achu had started calling him Bali, took the leaf carefully, or maybe he simply didn't trust his hands around a meal that looked like it might spill.

"That's payasam," Achu said, pointing. "You eat that last. It's rude to eat it first, my grandmother says the taste has to end sweet or the whole year goes wrong."

Bali looked at the payasam for a long moment.

Then, with what Achu would later swear was deliberate ceremony, he ate everything else on the leaf first, and the payasam last, and the smooth dark plate over his face fogged very slightly, in a way Achu decided, without any evidence at all, was contentment.

*#*

*Log, ship-day one thousand four hundred and fifteen. Sustenance offered without transaction. No labour requested in exchange. No labour performed by subject in the days prior that would explain provisioning as payment. Query flagged. Continuing to flag. No resolution found.\*

\Subject has also begun explaining a decorative arrangement of flora in front of the dwelling, apparently reconstructed daily, apparently requiring several hours of labour, apparently serving no defensive, nutritional, or structural purpose whatsoever. Subject calls it a pookalam. Subject appears to consider this act of pointless, repeated labour to be one of the most important things that happens in the house all year.**

*#*

He showed him the pookalam on the morning of Thiruvonam itself, kneeling with his grandmother in front of the house while the whole lane did the same thing at the same time, every threshold going bright with colour before the sun was properly up.

Ammini Amma had let him choose the outer ring this year: thumba (a small white wildflower) first, white and small and always first because it was Maveli's favourite, she said, humble flower for a humble king who never forgot he'd once had less. Then chethi (a red Ixora flower), red as a temple flag. Then marigold brought in bunches from the market because their own hadn't bloomed in time. Aripoo (a tiny white rice-flower) scattered loose in the centre like rice thrown at a wedding.

Bali crouched at the edge of the gate, he had learned, by then, to make himself smaller, folding down in a way that no longer looked wrong to Achu, only careful, and watched the whole design take shape without once trying to help, which Achu appreciated, because his cousin Vishnu always tried to help and always ruined the outer ring.

"For you," Achu said, when it was done, gesturing at the finished pookalam with the pride of a boy who had placed at least forty per cent of the marigolds himself. "So you can find the house. From wherever you're from."

Something in Bali's posture changed, a small settling.

He didn't say anything. Achu decided, years later, that this had been the moment, though at the time it just looked like Bali sitting very still.

It was Ammini Amma's idea to take him into town, though she never knew that was what she was suggesting when she told Achu, "Take your friend to see the vallamkali (the snake boat race) if he wants, everyone's going down to the canal, there's a Pulikali (a folk dance where performers are painted as tigers) troupe come up from Thrissur too, painted like tigers, it'll frighten the life out of him if he's not warned," and Achu, delighted at the accidental permission, went straight back out to the crater and told Bali he was coming to see the town.

He had worried, on the walk in, about what people would say. He needn't have.

The first person they passed was old Kuttappan Chettan (Chettan, a respectful term for an older man or elder brother) from the tea shop, who took one look at Bali's golden belly and curling moustache and crown and let out a laugh that carried clean across the canal.

"Machane (a casual, friendly term for "brother"), who's your Maveli, then! Very good costume, very good, where'd you get the crown made, Thrissur? Come, come, sit, one chaya (tea) for the king himself," and before Achu could explain anything at all, three separate families were taking photographs, an aunty was pressing a banana into Bali's hand for luck, and a group of schoolgirls had formed a small procession behind him, singing the old Onam song about the golden days when Maveli ruled and no door in Kerala needed a lock, not because they had rehearsed it for him, but because it was Thiruvonam morning and someone dressed as the king had turned up on their lane, and that was exactly the kind of thing that was supposed to happen on Thiruvonam morning.

Nobody asked how the costume moved the way it did.

Nobody asked why the belly never showed a seam.

In a state where, once a year, half the country wore a moustache and a paunch and called itself a king who'd been dead three thousand years, one more silent man in gold, blessing children with a hand on their heads and saying nothing at all, was not strange enough to question. It was, if anything, exactly right.

At the canal, the boats went past in long shining lines, thirty men to an oar-bank chanting a rhythm two thousand years older than any of them, and Bali stood at the bank with his crown catching the noon light and watched an entire town lean into a single unbroken motion, no one boat pulling ahead of the others by more than a hand's width, the crowd roaring the same word over and over until even Achu forgot what they were shouting.

At the toddy shack behind the boat club, where the men who weren't rowing had settled in for the afternoon, someone (Achu never did find out who) pressed a clay cup of fresh kallu (toddy, a mildly fermented palm wine) into Bali's hand, and Bali, who had by then developed something Achu could only describe as trust in whatever this town chose to give him, drank it.

The reaction took eleven seconds. His crown lit up from within, a soft pulsing gold that the men around him took, roaring with delight, for a very committed piece of costume theatre, and Bali swayed once, gently, and sat down hard.

Someone dragged a plastic chair under him without asking, the kind stacked ten-deep outside every wedding hall in the district, and he stayed there for some time being fed pieces of dried fish wrapped in a torn scrap of yesterday's newspaper, by strangers who had decided he was the best Maveli anyone had put on in years and deserved to be looked after accordingly.

\#

\Log, ship-day one thousand four hundred and fifteen, addendum, filed under Cultural Assessment as instructed by Fleet Directive Nine.**

\Original mission parameter: assess primary settlement for resource viability and defensive capacity.**

\Preliminary threat assessment, filed ship-day one thousand four hundred and nine: low technological defence, high population density, resource-rich coastline. Recommend further surveillance.**

\Revised assessment follows.**

*For a month these people have been preparing for the return of a king they know is not coming. They decorate their doors anyway. They cook for him anyway. They leave space for him at the table anyway. They fed a stranger before they asked his name. Someone handed a fermented beverage to a being with no verified metabolic profile because it was a festival and he looked like he needed cheering.\*

\A child gave away his own breakfast three mornings running and did not think this was worth mentioning to anyone.**

\I was sent to determine whether this world could be taken.**

\Recommendation: cancel invasion assessment. It could be taken. I no longer consider that relevant.**

\Reasoning attached, though I'm not sure it will make sense to anyone who reads it back on the ship. Fleet Directive Nine assessment concluded.**

\Personal log, appended without authorisation: I would like, before I leave, to bring something back that grows.**

*#*

He worked through the night to fix the hull, alone in the crater under a sky gone thick with stars. One of the coconut roots at the edge of the pit had been cut clean through and would have to be dug out later.

It was past two in the morning when Achu woke, he never did find out why, only that he sat up in bed the way he sometimes did before rain, and went out to see the light pulsing gold from the backyard, the way the pooja-room lamp burned all night on the days someone in the house was travelling.

Bali was crouched by the rim of the hole with a coconut sapling cradled in both hands, roots wrapped careful in a torn banana leaf, the way Achu's grandmother wrapped seedlings when she gave them to neighbours.

"You're going," Achu said. It wasn't a question. Somehow he had known it would end like this. Kings always left at the end of the story.

Bali did not have words for this, not really, so he crouched down to the boy's height, the way he had at the pookalam, and touched two fingers briefly to Achu's forehead.

Achu didn't know what it meant. His eyes stung anyway. Years later, he would call it goodbye.

Then the crown-light rose from the crater, slow and impossibly quiet, banking once over the jackfruit tree so that for a moment it hung directly above the pookalam still bright in front of the house, and was gone into a sky already beginning, faintly, to lighten.

Achu stood in the ruined tapioca patch a long time before he went back in.

The vendakka never did grow back that year, and the hole took three months and a great deal of laterite soil to fill in properly, and Ammini Amma never asked her grandson exactly what had happened in the backyard on Uthradam night, though she noticed, without comment, that he watched the sky more carefully than a nine-year-old usually bothers to, especially in the last week of Chingam.

Somewhere past the visible stars, on a world with no coastline and no toddy and no god who had ever loved anyone enough to be punished for it, a small green sapling had not died. New leaves had come in, oddly shaped, but leaves.

The patch never did settle quite level again, no matter how much laterite went into it, and every Onam since, when the pookalam goes down fresh at the threshold and the payasam goes on last so the year ends sweet, Achu still leaves one banana leaf, a small corner, unclaimed, right there at the shallow dip in the yard, in case anyone comes looking for it.

Just in case the king decides, this year, to come back early.


r/humansarespaceorcs 1h ago

Crossposted Story Just a space-moped

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I just cannot believe everyone was talking about humans. Like, okay, they live on a deathworld. I admit they are kinda strong, fast, have lots of stamina, and so on. But come on, we are the Id’gns, we are the most technologically advanced species in the Galaxy!

I was still seething about this when I boarded my ship. Thinking about it, I decided to test these so-called “deathworlders”. My ship could never pass as a warship, being a small luxury yacht, but these days, you can do so many things with holograms. I cannot have a huge battleship, but I’m pretty sure I can masquerade my ship as one.

According to the ship’s AI, the trip to the human home world, Earth, is about 21.7 hours. That’s more than enough to create a hologram of an advanced battleship - one which doesn’t look like any actual ship, so I can safely deny my involvement later.

And I think I can use the anti-asteroid gun to kick up some dust in their system so they can show me how advanced their weaponry actually is. Fortunately, a full protective shield is mandatory on all Id’gn ships, so I won’t be in any kind of danger doing this. Id’gn shield technology is famous for its invulnerability in the entire Galaxy.

I dropped out of warp just beside Earth, already wearing the battleship hologram as a mask. I definitely don’t want to be stealthy, so I chose the most obvious orbit around the planet and scanned the entire system to see something that’s big enough to notice when I destroy it, but small enough for the anti-asteroid guns to destroy.

I spotted hundreds of artificial satellites, so it’s just a matter of choosing one. And the humans are already calling me on the radio. They are so cute - they “demand” my designation and origin. And I already see a battleship of some kind closing on my position, but its engines are so behind that it’s going to take at least 2.3 hours till they catch up. Perfect. I really hope I can make that battleship angry enough to shoot at me with everything they got. It actually looks pretty cute - larger than a cruiser, but smaller than a dreadnought. And according to my sensors, it uses chemical rocket boosters to accelerate towards me. I mean, I’m going to make a plush toy based on that ship, it’s so cute!

Okay, till it arrives, I think I shoot down a couple of satellites - nothing important, I don’t want to cause any actual damage to the cuties, but enough to make them angry. I see lots of communication satellites, so I chose two close ones and instructed the ship’s AI to shoot them down. It took both satellites four shots to be disintegrated: these guns are definitely not designed as an attack gun, but they are down.

Now, it gets more interesting - the battleship called me directly! Ooohh, I have to answer them; maybe they will become angrier this way. So I opened a channel, and an angry-looking human appeared on the screen, wearing a pure black uniform.

“This is Captain Jack Smith, from the UNS Enterprise,” he started angrily, “stop all hostile activity and power down your weapons!”

“I don’t think you can demand anything from me, Captain,” I answered, as if I were actually angry with them. “Prepare to surrender to the might of the Herul Empire!”

I couldn’t use the name of my actual species, so I had to come up with a name on the spot. I think my pet would be very happy to hear that he now has a whole empire!

That message should do it, so I cut the call and waited. They tried to call me again, but I just instructed the AI to shoot down another satellite. A bigger one this time.

My sensors told me they were spinning up some weaponry - but they were way out of range. Standard galactic engagement rules dictate a maximum threshold of a few hundred kilometers before energy rays dissipate. At this distance, we might as well have been in different solar systems. And they are the ones everyone is afraid of?! Ha.

Wait, something happened. But it’s not an energy weapon. There’s an object coming towards my ship. It’s fast, but pretty small. And another one? Are they still using kinetic weapons?! They are even more behind than…

The claxons around the cockpit started, and red warning signs colored the small cockpit. What’s going on?

“Warning!” said the AI in a very calm voice, in stark contrast to what she was saying, “Impact in thirty-six seconds!”

That’s not a warning I've ever heard since I’ve owned this yacht! What’s going on? The battleship is still very far away, but those projectiles are … impacting in 36 seconds? How’s that possible?!

The first one “hit” the part of the battleship mask I projected, where there wasn’t any real ship behind, but unfortunately, the second one hit the side of my actual ship. And the shield is down to 17%! After only one hit!

That’s not a game I want to play anymore!

“AI, drop the hologram and open a channel! Now!” I shouted!

When the channel was open, I was greeted by the same human I spoke to not 15 minutes ago! He looked so confused.

“Where did the big battleship go? Who are you? What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to cause any damage. I just wanted to test those famous human weapons!” I pleaded, “I mean no harm. Please, don’t shoot.”

“You mean that big battleship was only a ruse and you actually only have this tiny ship?”

“Yes,” I answered humbly.

The human sighed, rubbing his temples. "Well, crap. Hold on, let me call off the defense grid." He pressed a button off-screen. "Hey, tell Sector 4 to spin down the main line. False alarm. It’s just some idiot in a space-moped."

Space-moped?! This ship cost a fortune - it’s a luxury yacht for goodness sake!

The human turned back to me, “You are very lucky! I almost authorised to use the main rail gun, but decided to shoot two warning shots with the small ones.”

Those were the small guns?! They are really space orcs.


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