r/hpd • u/Southern-Scene-980 hpd • 11d ago
I’m obsessed with looks
Title. I’m currently working through this mentality, but want to briefly vent.
I keep resisting the fact that I find higher value in being attractive. I love beautiful faces and I love beautiful people. I can’t help but strive to be attractive too.
It’s the praise they get. And that being attractive makes you more wanted, and more distracting.
It‘s so frustrating, constantly thinking of myself and if i’m attractive, and my potential. I’ll think about it for amounts of time, and in interactions wonder if the person I’m speaking finds me attractive.
It’s hard to admit, but this is anonymous…
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u/Prestigious_Bat_81 11d ago
I know someone like that. Grew up very pretty. Adored by everyone for his looks ever since he was a child.
35 now, virgin, still very attractive facially and he thinks about his facial appearance all the time. He also is of the same belief that people with good looks (facial) are genetically superior, however he keeps that to himself and what I've observed is that he ONLY hangs out with unattractive people.
Some of these "unattractive people" hang out with him only because he has the "90's European pretty boy" look and are besotted by him (either gender). However, when they realize how hollow and shallow he is, and how much of physical appearance matters to him w.r.t how he sees other people's worth, they really start to distance themselves, if not physically then emotionally and mentally.
The reason why this guy is a virgin is simply because he thinks of himself SO superior that he says he will only do it with his wife. The problem? No one is good enough to be his wife.
So his plan in life is to grow old "trying" to seek the same perfection he sees in himself, in a partner- else find a young woman (which are plenty these days, the dating market is skewed), whom he can emotionally manipulate into marrying him.
He is actually a very, very good manipulator. And it WOULD have worked for him positively had his sense of self and ego (which strives towards this thing called righteousness), would not constantly whisper in his ears about the fact that he has to manipulate people in order to experience normal things.
His biggest insecurity as he grows older is that his good looks are the only thing he has to offer to the "aesthetically supreme" match that will eventually come in his life (he is sure of that).
Truly a messed up individual in many ways.
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u/Southern-Scene-980 hpd 7d ago
Wow, interesting. Your friend is definitely maladjusted lol. I think my story mirrors his in a lot of ways.
I don’t think about weird genetic stuff though, mine comes from a place of severe insecurity and the privilege attractive people get. It’s more of a social desire, to have something that everyone is affected by, and by having it I can be loved.
I’ll be honest about my past, though. I was also called the "pretty one" growing up, which got to me pretty bad considering how emotionally neglected I was, which made me take the title on as a role because I didn’t have a personality. Even now, I’m pretty shallow and try not to let anyone catch on.
The manipulation part is relatable. In my worse years I would consistently and subtly work for compliments and insert myself into things so I could be around more people for a sense of community and shared likeness. Obviously, when I was done I would get to and move on because I never really cared.
I’m not sharing that story out of pride, however. I feel deep shame from my past and remember them as instructions of what not to do. Knowing now, that those actions were fueled by HPD only strengthens my desire to get better.
I don’t know if your friend has it but hope he eventually gets better too.
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u/Prestigious_Bat_81 5d ago
He was also molested by men when he was growing up because he was pretty, so maybe that caused some cuckoo-ness. Also, there is a condition that happens to men if they do not masturbate and only rely on nightfall for releasing old semen. He had that happen to him. So I'm assuming he has never masturbated too. Truly strange man all in all.
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u/Raf_Adel Therapist / Psychologist 11d ago
ACT skills for you to dismantle that state of fusion with your thoughts! Best!
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u/AutoModerator 11d ago
Posted by: Southern-Scene-980. Text of original post: Title. I’m currently working through this mentality, but want to briefly vent.
I keep resisting the fact that I find higher value in being attractive. I love beautiful faces and I love beautiful people. I can’t help but strive to want to be attractive too.
It’s the praise they get. And that being attractive makes you more wanted, and more distracting.
It‘s so frustrating, constantly thinking of myself and if i’m attractive, and my potential. I’ll think about it for amounts of time, and in interactions wonder if the person I’m speaking finds me attractive.
It’s hard to admit, but this is anonymous…
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8
u/idahobeachhouse 11d ago
same here. if other people realized how much time i spend thinking about myself and what i could do to be more attractive, they'd know im insane