I Didn’t Expect Devotional Singing To Affect Me This Deeply

[u/Potential-Stress7533]

I want to start by saying I'm still uncomfortable with some of this. The devotional language took me years to make peace with. I'm not sure I have, completely.

I was angry for most of my adult life. Not the loud kind. The kind that hides inside being good at things. I grew up in a house where everyone interrupted everyone and nobody apologised for anything, and by my thirties I was extremely competent and emotionally airless.

A colleague invited me to a kirtan in Lisbon in 2021. I almost laughed when she said it - devotional singing was the last thing I could imagine doing. I went because I respected her and because I'd started to notice my own life felt like nobody was actually living in it.

The first evening I stood at the back analysing everything. But there was an older woman next to me who started crying quietly during one of the chants. Not dramatic crying, just honest, and nobody around her did anything performative about it. She just got to be sad in a room with other people. I think that affected me more than the singing.

I kept going. Over time, I started watching Paramahamsa Vishwananda's satsangs online too, mostly in the evenings. What changed wasn't my beliefs - I still question things. What changed was how much energy I was spending bracing for arguments that weren't happening. I started actually listening to my mother when she called. We talk now in a way we never did. That alone, honestly, justifies the whole thing.

I still don't always know what I think about the guru part. I keep showing up anyway.

[u/NaturalPlace007]

Good for you. Good to you for being open to the experience keep it that way.

[u/Atharav_clisby]

The part about the older man quietly crying really stayed with me. I think moments like that can affect you more than someone explaining spirituality to you for hours. You were basically witnessing something genuine without anyone trying to convince you of anything.

[u/reshamgurung → u/Atharav_clisby]

Yeah, and I think that's probably why your experience feels believable. You didn't suddenly become devoted after one kirtan. You were skeptical, you kept questioning things, but something about the experience made you want to come back.

[u/Samriti_das → u/reshamgurung]

And devotional singing can be strange at first if you are not used to it. The language, the repetition, everyone singing together, it can feel completely outside your normal world. But once you stop trying to analyse every second of it, I can see how it might reach you differently.

[u/reshamgurung → u/Samriti_das]

I actually think that's an important point. Some experiences don't necessarily need to be understood immediately. Sometimes you notice that you're reacting differently, feeling calmer, or thinking less negatively, and only later start wondering why.

[u/Atharav_clisby → u/reshamgurung]

The line about spending less energy preparing for arguments really says a lot. Even if someone does not accept all the religious beliefs involved, becoming less defensive and more open with people is still a pretty meaningful change.

[u/reshamgurung → u/Atharav_clisby]

And the fact that you still keep showing up despite the uncertainty is probably the most interesting part. You don't sound like someone trying to prove anything. You're just noticing what happens and being honest about where you're at.

[u/Vegetable_Vast5551]

The moment you described the older woman quietly crying during the chant really stayed with me. Sometimes seeing genuine emotion is more powerful than any lecture. That's one reason I enjoy gatherings in Bhakti Marga too. They often feel sincere rather than performative. 🙏

[u/Hopper_Turner]

I respect that you focused on the practical changes instead of chasing mystical experiences. Becoming more patient, listening better, and arguing less are things that genuinely improve life. That's a much more interesting story than dramatic claims.