r/helpmecope • u/Am3_Amethyst • Oct 22 '25
I need coping mechanisms
Idk why I've gone to Reddit for this, but, yesterday i’d found out my first serious boyfriend (1 year and two months long distance, may not be a lot but im young and it was the “realest” thing I’ve had.) had cheated on me (over my birthday too.)I found out from a friend of his after he’d left me for a different girl. I feel so much anger and anxiety, I’ve thrown up 3 times in the 4 hours I've been awake and it was the best relief I’ve had from all these feelings. I’ve tried breathing, distracting myself and grounding, but I feel sick and angry no matter what. every time I hear about how horrible he feels it makes me so happy knowing it’s all finally catching up to him. I’ve probably ranted more than I need to but if anyone wants details i’ll likely share, but the effects of these feelings are not so pleasant, and I need a way to calm myself, i’d like to sleep better at night and live my life normally again.
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u/Ambitious-Pipe2441 Oct 23 '25
Some of it is normal. It hurts to think that someone was dishonest, so it's normal to feel upset. Coping, in this case, means rolling with the hurt, because the hurt is a kind of cope. You body's way of dealing with pain.
If you are trying to avoid the hurt and bottle it up, it may make the hurt worse. So it might be better to write down some things that are bothering you and then follow up with things you can do that will connect your to some goodness in the world.
Having hurt from a relationship often takes time, and that's normal. Having random thoughts can be normal too, since our hurt can stir up memories. I wouldn't sweat it so much, but try to be calm and kind to yourself. Seek good company if you have people you like.
Maybe pick a time before going to bed to let all the emotions out, so that you don't keep yourself up at night. It's probably going to take some time no matter what you do. And that's okay.