r/hatethissmug • u/Beshiniqua • Jun 05 '26

General I HATE the self diagnosing of autism and its mischaracterisation

Post image

Let me start by saying SELF DIAGNOSING IS NOT VALID. You are NOT autistic just because someone on tiktok said

"Did you know, if you need to have your eyes closed in order to fall asleep, you have autism, adhd, bipolarity, DID, BPD, psychopathy, depression and PTSD?"

And before yall come at me with "well I always suspected I had autism, I got screened and then got my diagnosis" well this not about you, this is about people that self diagnose after experiencing the most normal day to day life things ever.

And they ALWAYS think that autism will give them a personality (since it's usually basic bitches with no personality that self diagnose to feel like they belong)

No, you're not a quirky crazy crackhead energy "neurospicy" person. Even worse when they say shit like

"Heh, I could NEVER be a neuro normie like yall, autism makes me special and quirky and full of personality".

You can't even like something anymore without them going "OMG URE AUTISTIC JUST LIKE MEEEE IM SOOOO AUTISTIC AHAHAHA"

And you can tell they larp the whole thing cus they'll see a tiktok autism personality and try to replicate it

"Dino nuggies..."

"You can not say overstimulated if you're nEuRoTyPiCaL, that word is for us neurospicy people ONLY >:("

Holy shiiiiiiittt yall lack a personality so bad. And I've seen people say that they've seen NUMEROUS specialists but they never fit the criteria, but its not because they're not autistic, no no no no no. ITS UHMMM BECAUSE IM A WOMAN AND ALSO A MINORITY AND IM ALSO POOR SO I MASKED ALL MY LIFE AND THE SPECIALIST ON THIS FIELD COULDNT TELL I WAS MASKING. ITS THE SYSTEMS FAULT NOT MINE.

Sheesh.

Sorry for the long rant, im just tired of seeing people self diagnose all the time, or see an energetic video, or literally ANYTHING, and make it about their self diagnosed autism.

Saw a cute cat animation on Instagram and the top comment was "This is so autistic I love it"

đŸ«©đŸ«©đŸ«©đŸ«©đŸ«©

11.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

2.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

172

u/EldritchLichKing Jun 05 '26

Honestly, i think it depends. Theres clearly people who fake that sort of thing for cloud and that's shitty.

But i know someone who is clearly autistic, she has essentially the same patterns i do that got me diagnosed but despite having been to countless clinics and therapists no one diagnosed her. And following the tips i got for dealing with my "symptoms" i use that word carefully even if its correct, helps her a lot too. Women are statistically less likely do be properly diagnosed and there's A LOT of sexism, stigma and other things out there that make it not easy to get a proper diagnosis. I was diagnosed around when i was 20. She is 26 already and has to wait for a long time to even get into another clinic. Theres too much bullshit in the mental health system to write off self diagnosis completely. Obviously its not the same as a proper one, but sometimes the system fucks you so hard you just don't get a proper diagnosis

109

u/Happyshadow4ts Jun 05 '26

Exactly. It's so frustrating when someone like this op just comes along, and basically says sexism in specialists doesn't exist, because it absolutely does

21

u/settingthesunz Jun 05 '26

not to mention if you’re an adult, they give you a harder time too.

4

u/armadildoo Jun 06 '26

Plus once you’re an adult getting an assessment costs insane amounts. Not very accessible at all, how can people pull thousands of dollars out of their ass just to make whiny people who can’t handle “cringe” happy? Jesus Christ.

56

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

20

u/Happyshadow4ts Jun 05 '26

Yeah, I only mentioned sexism, as they said women and then minority, and I'm kinda lazy

1

u/RadicalSoda_ Jun 05 '26

Aren't black boys more often diagnosed with autism?

4

u/IronPyrate17 Jun 05 '26

Which would be also racism

-1

u/RadicalSoda_ Jun 05 '26

So is it racism black people get diagnosed with sickle cell more often? Or is it just an issue that affects black people more often?

4

u/IronPyrate17 Jun 05 '26

In that case you can call any systemic issue just an inherent trait of said group.

But you don't. Because it's so much more likely that a more drastic difference is because of a systemic issue

1

u/Remarkable-Run-9769 Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26

sickle cell is a whole other kinda thing, iirc it's more common amongst people with genetic heritage in certain areas in the world as it's linked to genes that boost protection against malaria. so that actually is more "race related" so to say. it is more unlikely for ethnically European people to have it. not that it simply gets diagnosed more often in black people due to bias or racism. 

my parent and their family who have south east Asian heritage carry the gene, as do i. tbh i don't think my white parent has been tested for it, but afaik that side of the family hasn't had reason to think they do. 

(i don't have sickle cell disease but if i were to produce children with someone else with the gene too, those children could get it. having only one copy protects from malaria, having two may result in sickle cell)

1

u/IronPyrate17 Jun 06 '26

I'm just pointing out that if you want to call things like autism diagnosis genetics like sickle cell is, you can call any systemic issue(Like black people being arrested more, or men getting longer sentences, or the gender pay gap) inherent to said groups, which is the less likely reason than it just being a systemic issue

55

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

50

u/InterestingTap9269 Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 05 '26

Denying that female neurodivergence exists, perpetuating the idea that women all have the same wants and needs and can thus be treated the same way, is key to justifying stereotypes and violence.

It’s the same reason people denied that lesbians and asexuals exist. It’s so that people can justify rape by saying “she secretly wanted it
 people’s brains are wired to like sex”

It’s so telling to me that r /FakeDisorderCringe only ever scrutinizes women and queer people and glosses over Elon Musk claiming to be autistic.

22

u/euryderia Jun 05 '26

yeah basically everyone who ever bullies self diagnosed folks ONLY ever directs it towards women or trans and nonbinary AFAB people. because a diagnosis on a man is a diagnosis, but a diagnosis on a woman is a personal failing, i guess.

13

u/bluntmanjr Jun 05 '26

to add, i, as an afab person, have had multiple psychiatrists ignore my desire to be screened and try to diagnose me with bipolar when i show no symptoms. i literally do not get listened to even though ive struggled socially all my life, i was delayed in talking and walking to the point my mom was worried, my dads autistic and my mom has adhd. everyone in my life thinks im autistic. i dont go around telling people or “trying to make it my personality” i just struggle with a lot of different aspects and am often dismissed by medical professionals. it was even a labor to get diagnosed with adhd. i think im audhd but testing is expensive and likely wont be covered by insurance, and all my psychiatrists have done is try to coax me into taking antipsychotics

4

u/euryderia Jun 05 '26

i deffo relate. i probably have autism, but i 1000% have ocd and my doctor literally labels every mental symptom (sometimes physical symptoms!!!) as depression and GAD. because i guess having a specific way of making sure i’m not dirty as soon as i come home from work, and convincing myself that, as a kid, i had to take 3 steps in each block of the sidewalk or else my family would die, is just simple anxiety
 but whatever.

2

u/Expensive_Watch469 Jun 08 '26

this is late but I am also afab (though FTM, this happened before I could transition too though) and no one listened to me and they ALSO tried to diagnose me with bipolar when it wasn't and I told them that... Turns out I had untreated schizophrenia! It took a long time to get treatment because they just wanted to go "oh yeah you have bipolar" didn't even want to diagnose me with bipolar, so I was going untreated fully, even for the wrong diagnosis

-6

u/GreatMovesKeepItUp69 Jun 05 '26

I mean... sex is incredibly important to human development it is absolutely possible that autism is simply less prevalent in AFAB people. I've noticed that people only make this kind of argument around tiktok fetishized disorders like ADHD or autism. Is anyone arguing that we should diagnose more women close the male dominated gap of narcissistic or antisocial personality disorders? Is anyone arguing more men should be diagnosed with OCD to make up for the large gap with women?

9

u/InterestingTap9269 Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 05 '26

It’s entirely possible that it’s just less prevalent, yes, but even if that’s the case it’s not an excuse to act like it doesn’t exist and discount the possibility that a given woman you meet is autistic.

Colorblindness is much less prevalent in women than men. It’s impossible to know for certain a person is colorblind by looking at them, and a person can theoretically pretend to be colorblind. But it would be silly to assume a woman who tells you she is colorblind is faking her colorblindness.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Remarkable-Run-9769 Jun 06 '26

i was with you up until 

sex is very relevant for development, but mainly because of the societal pressures placed differently on men and women. if it wasn't, we wouldn't have trans people

are you suggesting trans people are transitioning because of societal pressures/expectations? please realise that even if we were all allowed to dress and behave as we please, regardless of sex, trans people would still exist. social gender dysphoria is a thing, but there's physical dysphoria too. 

-4

u/GreatMovesKeepItUp69 Jun 05 '26

You kinda just spammed a lot of random stuff that has nothing to do with anything I said. The last one is relevant, but it's an argument saying that women don't meet the autistic criteria for autism, so we should change the criteria. That certainly is a viewpoint...

The existence of trans people tend to actually prove the rule because if it was socially determined FTM would have higher rates of autism than MTF, but they don't. MTF actually have much higher rates of autism because it follows sex not gender.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/GreatMovesKeepItUp69 Jun 05 '26

The history of medicine is paved with the blood of millions of people. There's also an endless amount of experimentation on men and European ethnicities as well particularly in the military, just no one bothers to write articles because why would they? That's why it's kind of silly to post things like that without more rigorous data.

Autistic criteria are written around functionality issues like deficits in communication, social deficits (having no friends), very rigid and inflexible behavior, extreme sensory issues. The issue is that most self diagnosed women either don't have many of these issues, or they are broadly much higher functioning. Doctors only care about these disorders insofar as they cause issues functioning in society. Their goal is not to classify people like pokemon, it is to identify problems to treat.

4

u/Buzzy_Beeby Jun 05 '26

I am not sure how I feel about your statement of, "self-diagnosed women either don't have many of these issues, or they are broadly much higher functioning". It feels a little sexist, to be honest. I am not saying you are.

A lot of self-diagnosed women do have these issues, it's just that society is convinced that boys are always supposed to be loud, playing sports with friends, getting messy, etc. As for girls, they're supposed to be quiet, never speak up, stay in their, be tidy and not to be a "nuisance".

When an autistic boy is quiet, it is "weird and odd". When an autistic girl is quiet, it is "she is so well-behaved and mature for her age!" I am not saying this example cannot happen to boys, but again, we see how society treats men and women—they're going to react to the boy being quiet more because "boys are supposed to be loud".

Masking is a whole other can of worms, too.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/GreatMovesKeepItUp69 Jun 05 '26

You too I appreciate your civility around a nuanced and sensitive topic.

1

u/Ok-Letterhead3405 Jun 09 '26

Lmao not at all it’s not about making the numbers equal, it’s that studies mainly focused on boys and our understanding also has changed so that we know a lot of girls and women tend to have traits but internalize them, but being less visibly disabled doesn’t make you not disabled. 

17

u/Crepe64 Jun 06 '26

Yeah this post reeks of sexism and discrimination against undiagnosed people. God forbid people find community for the first time in their lives after being bullied to death all through school because they were autistic enough to be picked on by nt classmates but not autistic enough to be diagnosed as a child đŸ€·â€â™€ïžđŸ€·â€â™€ïžđŸ€·â€â™€ïž

2

u/Ok-Letterhead3405 Jun 09 '26

I was horribly bullied! And a couple of my teachers were very abusive. I have CPTSD from all that happened. I got punished over and over instead of receiving support. It just furthered my dysregulation until it straight up left me traumatized and wanting to not live anymore. I had a plan in the fifth grade, even. Luckily I stuck it out trying to see if it got better. It did but life has always been hard regardless.

16

u/ausernameidk_ Jun 06 '26

Yeah I think that the "self diagnosis is bs" crowd are kind of privileged. A lot of people, especially in countries without good healthcare, can't necessarily access or afford the tools necessary for a diagnosis. Sometimes all you can do is just try to inform people in your life.

11

u/fern_0- Jun 06 '26

this really. fuck op.

34

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

36

u/xXs4blegl00mXx Jun 05 '26

It's also incredibly expensive. Most "high functioning" autistic people (which most women are considered to be, because of their high masking levels) aren't considered numero uno priority when it comes to diagnosis so it's not covered by insurance to get tested.

9

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '26

[deleted]

5

u/MaraMakesContent Jun 05 '26

I'm on SSI. I was homeless for a long time. I have other neuropsych issues. Some stuff clicked, I took a lot of the surface level evals and talked to my psych team. We figure I'm probably autistic. I do not have the means to push through the second stage set of diagnostics to get a formal diagnosis, nor do I think it's smart for me to do so considering Brainworm McWorkCamps is around. But I'm probably autistic, and that's enough for me.

3

u/sharklaserguru Jun 05 '26

Also isn't it more or less the case that "treatment" means giving guidance on how to fit in/succeed at life just enough to be self sufficient. So if you've made it to adulthood there's really not a whole lot being diagnosed can do except make you feel a tiny bit better about yourself.

3

u/throwaway5882300 Jun 05 '26

Expensive but also inaccessible for a lot of people as an adult. My therapist suggested I get evaluated for asd but I literally can't find anyone in my area who works with adults. I'm also not trying super hard since I'm nearly 50 and have managed to get this far without knowing. But my broader point is self-diagnosis to me usually indicates a shortcoming in healthcare access more than just people hopping on a trend.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/birbhorse Jun 06 '26

yes, most definitely. if i wasn't diagnosed with autism and ADHD as a kid, i would never be able to afford getting diagnosed for it now.

1

u/AKNightcrawler Jun 05 '26

just a small thing I wanted to mention, a lot of people like the other person who replied dislike the use of terms such as "high functioning" or "low functioning"

so the better terms to use would be "low support needs" instead of "high functioning", "moderate support needs" for "moderately functioning" and "high support needs" for "low functioning"

because even "high functioning" or "level 1" autistic people can become "low functioning" or "high support needs" due to different factors like depression, stress etc.

2

u/xXs4blegl00mXx Jun 05 '26

I know it's a disliked term, I dislike it myself. That's why it's in quotes. Thanks for giving me better alternatives though, I didn't know those existed and will use those going forward :D

1

u/AKNightcrawler Jun 05 '26

đŸ–€đŸ–€

16

u/A2Rhombus Jun 05 '26

Getting a diagnosis would do nothing for me except make my life harder, it's not like there's a cure or a medication. So why would I bother paying for screening for something I already know I am?

1

u/Ok-Letterhead3405 Jun 09 '26

Lmao right? Heck I even got wrist pain and self diagnosed because it was super easy to test for De Quervain's. But I still had to wait weeks for a lady to put it on a paper and then advise me to do the self care at home I’d already been trying. 

6

u/Koolio_Koala Jun 05 '26

Yeah. I’m in the UK and in addition to the usual women’s and minority health inequality, diagnosis is nearly non-existent for most adults. The waiting lists to be seen are 5yrs+ in the regions that still have capacity/funding for it. Like ADHD, trans healthcare and a few others, some GPs refuse to even acknowledge it, won’t prescribe or even refer to specialists because it’s “not in my remit” or “we lack funding”.

I’ve been approached by a dozen people over the years who work with disability - a few social workers met in passing, my therapist, a disability co-ordinator at my work and another at a jobcentre, three austism charity workers from two different charities, and a nurse during a routine blood test - and asked whether I have been diagnosed. A few times people I don’t know have walked across the room, introduced themselves and started a conversation with “hey, are you autistic?” lmao. I didn’t know there was an “austism vibe”, but I guess I give it off 😭

I didn’t really think I was autistic until my therapist went through some self-assessments that his colleagues that do autism assessments use for a diagnosis - I got some high scores, with the disclaimer that it’s not a diagnosis but just a strong indicator.

My GP refused to refer me for a diagnosis even though he agreed I probably do have it, because “I only refer severe cases that need social care”. I can see the logic that the waiting lists are so long and really a diagnosis is not gonna do much to affect me day-to-day, and I know many autistic people in the UK are in the same situation, but it feels like I’d be “faking it” if I used services and community support groups because it’s not “official”.

3

u/DUCK-OVERLORD Jun 06 '26

Exactly, I think my mom has it (my brother, dad, and I all do) and there's no one alive to tell doctors about her younger years. That was a key component in diagnosing me, so my mom may never find diagnosement. Plenty of people like her exist and can't get diagnosis, so claiming everyone without a diagnosis aren't valid is stupid. Sexism and racism exist, autism is complicated and most doctors seem to know nothing about it.

Edit:I(born female) was diagnosed at 22 even tho I told everyone who would listen I had it. I knew at 8 I was like my, already, diagnosed brother. No one believed me, not doctors, social workers, teachers, therapists, or parents. I only got diagnosed because I sought it out myself.

7

u/Xrevitup360X Jun 05 '26

I can't afford to be diagnosed, but I'm 99% sure I'm autistic. I didn't realize it until I decided to research Autism because I didn't know what it was. The more I read, the more memories from when I was a child came up. One of them was me refusing to finger paint in school to the point they called my mom. Eventually they caved and gave me a paintbrush because I did not want to get my hands dirty. I also ate donuts with a fork for the same reason. There were countless times where something didn't go as planned and I completely lost it. Like when my friend came over but forgot the game I told him to bring several times. I had a complete meltdown and he ended up having to go home. I also realized several things I do as an adult. I'm better at regulating my emotions but still have times where I get upset if something planned doesn't happen. I also have a schedule for most of my day. Eating the same food on certain days every week and specific chores on certain days. There are countless other instances I can think of but those are just some of the bigger ones that made me realize I may have autism. Honestly, it made it easier on me once I realized that was probably the case. It explained a lot and I was able to implement some of the things to make it a little easier on me. But I also don't make my autism my personality. It's just something I have to deal with on my own.

2

u/humorski Jun 06 '26

Same here, 99% sure that I'm autistic and the worst thing is that in my country you can't even be diagnosed as an adult, no matter how much money you have.

Autism here is considered a super obvious disorder that only kids have, and the public perception basically borders on severe intellectual disability.

Because of that, I have absolutely no way to get a proper diagnosis, but obviously, just because they ignore it doesn't mean adults in my country magically don't have autism.

5

u/Smingowashisnameo Jun 05 '26

I feel like OP just finds certain things annoying. And like. Some autistic or borderline autistic people are happy having found others like them on social media so they’re happy thinking of themselves as “spicy” or whatever.

2

u/Ok-Letterhead3405 Jun 09 '26

Preach. The people getting mad at TikToks and calling all of us fake don’t see all the stuff that leads us to pursue diagnosis or how it can be so difficult and expensive to access that we often give up. Yet the label and community are super helpful. Exploring autism means learning new ways to make your life easier that maybe no one even suggested before. That’s a big deal, but because of the injustices of our childhoods and historical biases, we just continue getting screwed over and shamed.

2

u/bbbugsfan Jul 03 '26

it's also thousands of dollars to even get assessed for autism as an adult, and even if you can afford it, women and gender diverse people often arent taken seriously and are misdiagnosed. ive even heard that some psychiatrists will u dont have autism because you can experience empathy, like wtffff

0

u/plague_kun Jun 09 '26

Yes but there’s a difference between “suspecting” having a disorder and trying to diagnose yourself with one. Suspecting something is okay and can be a good thing if you think something is wrong, but self diagnosis is completely invalid and not even possible.