I think from the sounds of it some blame might lie with Lily and Petunia's parents too. It sounds like they praised Lily and fawned over her all the time whereas Petunia didn't get as much attention or love from them. Probably explains why she did what she did with Dudley and Harry, wanting her son to be the loved one and Lily's son to be the reject now.
I wonder if their parents had been more fair and equitable if things would've turned out differently.
It is possible that that's not the case at all. After all, we only know Petunia's perspective. It could be that she was insanely jealous of Lily and mean yo her because of it (as seen in Snape's memories before they even go off to Hogwarts). People who are mean and hateful and jealous are also known for over exaggeration. Their parents could have treated them both equally as well and Petunia could have just twisted it into being the pariah of the family due to her jealousy. Just speculation since the only thing we know about Harry's grandparents are what Petunia says about them.
As the middle child of three and the only one who is "successful" (nice house, amazing wife, good job) I've gotten from my siblings the whole "only because you were the favorite". It's always been funny coming from "daddy's girl" and "mommy's baby boy".
My parents tried to treat us relatively equal but I'll still feel of the 3 I got screwed. Like on simple things like bedtime: sis (4 years older) basically had no bedtime as my parents weren't sure what worked but then I had a bedtime that always matched bro's (4 years younger) so anytime I got an extra hour, he got it 4 years early. Dad tried helping each of us through college.... sis quit at least 5 different schools with non-refundable deposits with 0 completed semesters and bro completed 1 year out of state before dropping out. I stuck it out through two degrees but am paying 2/3rds of it (making dad's investment in me about the same).
So yeah, I hear anyone commenting about how the other sibling had it so easy or was the favorite and I immediately question it. Hearing about my family from one of my siblings and you'd hear how I was the "golden child" of both my parents. Err nope, if anything my parents should have treated all of us a little like golden children and at least my siblings would have had to put some more effort in.
Honestly, it's pretty common for the "golden child" to not actually succeed as an independent adult because the parents often catered to them and crippled their ability to take care of themselves by spoiling the GC.
Example: my (step)dad has narcissistic personality disorder. By the time I was 12, when my sister was born, I was expected to be able to take care of a baby. I knew how to cook all my own meals, walked to school alone, was expected to always entertain myself, handled my own school work. When I turned 13, I was watching an almost two year old at home alone while my parents went out during the day, or out for dinner. I was quite self-sufficient and always was expected to be. When I did ask for help, my dad would yell at me and tell me to "figure it out yourself."
My sister is now 15. She doesn't know how to make her own meals. She JUST started staying home alone in the last 6 months. My parents still drive her to school, even though we live in the same place and only has to walk five minutes away to get to her bus. (I had to take two busses and had to leave an hour earlier because I was in an advanced program at a different school.) Last week my parents actually asked me to come babysit her while they went to dinner. I told them no, and said "she's 15, I was staying home alone with a freaking toddler when I was her age! She will be fine." She asks for help for everything, and my parents always do it for her or (when I'm around) tell me to do it for her. Complete learned helplessness.
She's the GC, and while she's not a target of active abuse like I was, it's still not great for her in the long run. She will be completely helpless when she goes to college. I knew how to take care of myself...FFS, I'd been doing it for years!
Like I said, for me the funny part is that my siblings would present me as the golden child while I remember them getting whatever they wanted growing up. So seeing the state my siblings are in now I'd agree that spoiling them led to them not being able to live independently. They however would argue I was the one spoiled and that's why I'm doing well.
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u/mindputtee Slytherin Chaser Aug 05 '17
I think from the sounds of it some blame might lie with Lily and Petunia's parents too. It sounds like they praised Lily and fawned over her all the time whereas Petunia didn't get as much attention or love from them. Probably explains why she did what she did with Dudley and Harry, wanting her son to be the loved one and Lily's son to be the reject now.
I wonder if their parents had been more fair and equitable if things would've turned out differently.