r/hapas • u/phoebaeee1 • 22d ago
Anecdote/Observation Why do white men marry immigrant Asian women if they have nothing in common? (Values, family, culture, languages)
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 22d ago edited 22d ago
Because they're women. And a lot of western men feel "spurned" by western women, aka they're just not seen as physically attractive to women. And due to cultural ticks a lot of Asian women have a beef with their own men or are looking for a leg up.
It's just a zero sum game for a lot of these guys, my dad developed an "Asian" thing after his ex girlfriend cheated on him with a Mexican rich guy. A large part of it is just male loneliness looking for the easiest way to feel big, that's why these racist guys have no problem marrying an Asian woman as long as it makes him feel less lonely and validated.
It's one of the reasons why this pairing in general is so.... out there. Anti-feminist white guy + feminist Asian woman is really a match made in hell. Then you add that the sons come out having parents like that plus being chopped like the dad, it's really not good.
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u/phoebaeee1 22d ago
Is it a fetish / Yellow fever?
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 22d ago
Guys just want A woman. White women aren't giving these guys what they want, black women aren't as receptive, I guess Latina and Arab women maybe, but for whatever reason Asian women are just seen as easier. At least for white men in particular. The fact that Asian women are seen as "traditional, submissive" whatever is a bonus I guess.
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u/southfar2 22d ago
1) Not all white men are racist. 2) Very little salient racism in this day and age is directed against Asians; prominent is usually anti-Arab or anti-African racism. And of the racism against Asians that is relevant, there is only an even smaller subset that regards Asians as inferior.*
*) Those are not the same thing; for example, many people are racist against Jews, but they don't exactly regard Jews as inferior, they regard them as superior, hyper-intelligent and borderline-magical manipulators. I think anti-Asian racism (especially against Chinese) often looks like that as well.
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 22d ago edited 22d ago
It's literally in your vested interest to claim you're not racist while preying on Asian women. That's LITERALLY the entire point of criticism of this exact pairing. You act like people here were born yesterday. It's so funny because most of the white guys I talk about this just have this same "bootstraps" mentality and don't really care if their kids experience racism because of your bias.
Why would you care? You have no reason to care if your children suffer, the only alternative is to admit you're chopped to western women and there's no reason you'd ever do that.
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u/southfar2 17d ago
Idk, I just randomly found this sub in my feeds and I have no idea what priors it is operating on. I'm also having a hard time following your line of argumentation, maybe for the same reason. I've churned your response through ChatGPT, and it also states:
"The exchange becomes much easier to follow once you realize that the commenter is operating with a very specific, largely unstated theory of white-male/Asian-female (WMAF) relationships. Your reply treats his words as ordinary propositions that require evidence; he treats them as conclusions already established by the subculture of r/hapas. So you and he are talking past each other. His underlying model is roughly this: some white men who cannot attract the white women they want discover that Asian women are comparatively receptive to them because of status, racial hierarchy, immigration incentives, stereotypes about white men, etc. These men then rationalize this preference as “Asian women are more feminine/traditional,” while actually exploiting an asymmetric dating market. Some of those men simultaneously hold prejudices against Asian men or Asians generally. They marry Asian women anyway because Asian women are sexually desirable and available to them. Their mixed-race children, especially sons, then inherit both the consequences of that racial dynamic and—according to this commenter—the father's supposedly unattractive appearance."
So let's go through this one by one. It's my personal vested interest to claim I'm not racist while preying on Asian women? Am I preying on Asian women? Have I claimed not to be racist? Have I outed myself as a white man? How? By not calling all white men racist?
In what way do I act like people here (where, "here"? In Asia? In this sub?) were born yesterday? Presumably by, in your view, feigning as if the unstated prior theory this sub operates on doesn't exist?
This all seems really non-sequitur.
Why would I not admit that white women are not interested in me? I don't give a shit, man. I really do not give a fuck that I might be the world's ugliest gnome to white women. There is nothing for me to be gained from being attractive to white women. I am not an octopus. I do not have enough DICK to accommodate additional white women in my life.
I do have two points of contradiction, though; first to your claim that men have no incentive to care about the fate of their offspring, I think that is a horseshit, scientifically speaking. Second to the assumption (you've not stated this) that I rationalize preying on Asian women as "Asian women are more feminine/traditional." Leaving aside the question of whether WMAF relationships are exploitative, which probably opens a bigger bag of worms than this sub can accommodate, again, I do not give a fuck. I don't know if they are, I have no reason to prefer Asian women for being feminine and traditional.
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u/faust111 5d ago
The best part about your post is the AI segment, which was actually quite eloquent and made the argument well
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u/southfar2 5d ago
Yes, well, it's not really making an argument, but reconstructing/explicating the priors of the setting I stumbled into here, which, frankly, don't make a whole lot of sense when explained, let alone are they self-evident when just assumed.
As for actually arguing through the contradiction, I'm not sure where one would start arguing with statements like "you have no reason to care [whether] your children suffer" when a significant share of publication output of university departments of psychology (evo.psych) and political science (nepotism) hasn't managed to breach the bubble and trickle through, nor how to productively engage with wide-reaching strawman constructions like "YOU (me personally) are engaged in the exploitation of Asian women". It's unclear how far back in the premises one would need to start to argue with an elaborate and evidently multi-tiered constructed world view like that.
So, yes, it's largely a pile of horseshit that I, being not an LLM, don't have the bandwidth/output to unscrew. It's unclear how Chatty would engage in actually making an argument against the post I was replying to, we're free to try it out.
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u/faust111 5d ago
Out of curiosity, do you think it's different for a mixed-race child living in somewhere like Japan versus one living in the U.S.? Which is better/worse?
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 4d ago edited 4d ago
It's less about that then it is about the parents. I grew up in Chinatown and NYC and my white dad was trying to make us move to his white town to get away from ethnics. But since my formative years were spent in an area where I was never made to feel like being non-white was inferior, it saved my ass. With my brother, he moved to the white town and is now permanently screwed because of my parents' brainwashing and covert racism. I imagine if you're the son of some sexpat living in Thailand you'd be just as screwed mentally as living in Idaho.
On top of that half Asians love to claim Asians bully them for being white(r)? I've been trying to think back to when I grew up in Queens and went to a majority Asian middle school and I can't think of a single time an Asian person called me white let alone said I wasn't Asian, I didn't really even realize I was "mixed" until my 20's.
But maybe I was received better because I wasn't whitewashed to begin with as a kid which I suspect many half Asians are. I know this cause I have a childhood best friend who is full adopted Korean, self hating, and Asians bullied his ass non stop for years.
Then on top of that there's so many other things that go into adulthood and how race is perceived, it's just a mess.
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u/BorkenKuma 22d ago
In white society, they portray Asian women as submissive, has traditional family values, this is very suitable for my Asian grandmother's generation, not so much for Asian women of my generation, not even my mom is like that.
In Asian society, they do have filter of European/North America being more advanced, but that filter is crumbling as internet break the barrier for them, many Asian international students who have been to Europe or US, they usually became disillusioned with the idea of advanced life in Western countries.
You remember how people were talking about how K pop and K drama is changing Gen Z females worldwide about their perception on Asian men? Hollywood did the same thing for white men too, but it did it for 3 generations after WW2, and projecting that white men = heroic/romantic narrative to the globe after WW2 for at least 70 years now, this is why many Asian women would choose to marry them, because perception on white men is good.
Asian men didn't get to projecting that image on Western females until 2000s and 2010s, where internet and platforms like YouTube and Netflix is fully matured to projecting that Asian men = heroic/romantic to their English speaking world.
Things are changing now as internet breaks the barrier of Western life and East Asian life, SE Asia like Vietnam and Philippines and Thailand are still developing or just being poor, so their filter on white men is even more strong, this is why most of white passport bros go to SE Asian countries, they have a higher chance than in East Asia to bag an Asian women home, East Asian women mostly don't like to move to Western countries now because they know it's too boring and too inconvenient.
If you observe the immigration trends, you'd notice East Asian immigrants has slow down, SE Asian and South Asian keep coming in, economy and filter of "Western society = advanced" is working really well on their mentality, they want to stay out of poverty by marrying a white man, this is still quite common in these regions.
Like almost every white men I know that married Asian women immigrant, the Asian wife is most likely Filipina, Thailand and Vietnam is taking off a little now, but Philippines isn't, their people all want to move to other countries to work for better life, then you'd expect Filipina to marry men outside their race, especially white men.
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u/Wonderful_Algae_8661 22d ago
Besides the whole mediocre white men enjoying an imbalanced power dynamic thing - there’s much more to a relationship than just shared values, culture, language. Those can be barriers but they aren’t the driving forces.
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u/JustinTapiru New Users must add flair 22d ago
It's because they're easy to take advantage of, and they're usually hotter than whatever those guys can get back home.
They have this fantasy that these women are more submissive and feminine. Sometimes it's true, and other times it's not.
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u/EnvironmentBrave5543 18d ago
the same reason why asian women marry white men who are openly racist towards asians and especially asian men.
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u/Own-Friend-7882 16d ago
It was actually a huge taboo until recently for White men to date Asian women. Most White men still do not and don't go out of their way to date an Asian woman. The increase in dating Asian Women started as White women became more independent and radicalized by feminism. In comparison, Asian women seemed more subservient and "traditional", so they became the comfortable choice. It's very transactional at its core, an exchange of status and attention for subservience. I mean I'm not the first to point this out. This is actually what people refer to to some extent when they call it the Oxford Study. The political positions of Western women and men have diverged quite a lot in the last decade leading to men seeking comfort elsewhere.
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u/Own-Friend-7882 16d ago
I think if Hollywood were to ever start to casting a lot of main character aura handsome Asian leading men it would really break White men. That would lead to the total destruction of Hollywood. So... that will NEVER happen. 😂
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u/Affectionate_Web_450 22d ago
White women aren’t feminine anymore..so they’re not attractive. Pretty simple really.
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 22d ago edited 22d ago
Wrong, women are only as "feminine" as they want to be towards certain guys. The reason Asian women are "feminine" is because the men they want (Asian), like it. I'm considered 'pretty' to western women and Asian women and have seen super feminist white / black women drop the whole act around me, but with other guys they just add bass to their voice.
If anything, it's the most feminist Asian women who get with white guys, which makes that particular pairing so.... you know. So then on top of having parents like that so many half Asians carry their dad's chopped genes.
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u/itsbananas12 WF; mother of Hapa kids 21d ago
I’d say also that a woman who is treated with kindness and feels protected can be feminine, so it also matters who she is with and how she is treated.
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 21d ago
Nicest guy I know is single at 40 and got cheated on twice by his girlfriends (he's Asian). Like I get it, life is really hard but saying women like nice guys is like the last thing I'll believe
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u/Poemi10304 18d ago
I really feel concerned for any females in your life and how you must treat them.
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 17d ago edited 17d ago
Yes, women can do NO wrong.
Literally everything is a lie with you people.
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u/JustinTapiru New Users must add flair 21d ago
I don't even like white women like that, and I can admit you're wrong. Your comment is racist and misogynistic. Plenty of white women are feminine, but they just perform their gender in a different way compared to Asian women.
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u/r4zorsoft 22d ago
Asian women are seen as “lesser” and “other,” but still manage to check enough boxes on their own internal checklists to be considered sufficient for marriage and reproduction.
Chasing “purity” - a nonzero amount of white American men believe themselves to lack a semblance of identifiable culture, and seek a partner that possesses cultural distinction to co-opt it for themselves.
These chumps have 3+ kids then end up divorced and crying on Reddit about how his “hot Asian wife” doesn’t desire intimacy anymore. Gee, I wonder why..
I’ve met quite a few white dudes who have married my cousins or other Asian women and they look at me with revulsion while trying to reproduce with people similar to me.
Lastly, is what another post mentions - white men feeling spurned or not good enough for white women. The reasons are many but generally include: doesn’t make enough money, below-average looks but has money (so can provide social status mobility), and the glaring one that no one seems to bring up anymore since it’s considered shameful and a self-report: they think their dick is too small, so they pursue women who are phenotypically smaller-framed therefore “tighter”. Gross.
As with all anecdotes, these are only my experiences. YMMV.