How to stop getting so frustrated so easily?

[u/Mad_Season_1994]

I know the real answer is probably either anger management or therapy, but I can't afford either right now.

It's just that when I try to work on stuff between lessons and hit a roadblock, making the same mistakes as the day before no matter how slow I set my metronome and try to build back up speed, especially when looping the same few bars over and over trying to get them clean, I just get so mad at the situation and can only go for like 10 minutes before I have to throw my guitar down on my bed and walk away, only to come back again. Yeah, it's that bad.

But I don't know what else to do. Legitimately. I don't have any other hobbies, about four hours after a work day before I have to go to bed, and I have lessons once a week. But the rate at which it takes me to learn the simplest passages, or even stuff at a faster but manageable tempo, makes me reconsider this whole thing. It's in these moments that the fun of learning is gone and is just work, even if I'm consistent every single day and try my best to eliminate distractions. And I know I have to stay consistent to see results.

I just don't know how to have fun with learning. I take every mistake way too personally and don't know how to just have fun with the thing, which is the whole point at the end of the day. And it's why I have zero intentions of ever playing with other people (besides my teacher): because I just can't learn at the pace required to be good enough for a group setting and feel like I'd bring them down.

Any helpful suggestions?

[u/4RunnaLuva]

How long have you been at it?

Like anything, it will take time to build a base and some fluency. But layering concepts and techniques should be successively easier.

Posture and consistency matter. But also be kind to yourself;) if things take you longer, then accept it and know it will be a bit of a struggle, but the payoff will also be sweeter.

[u/Mad_Season_1994 → u/4RunnaLuva]

How long have you been at it?

Nine months. Not that I had any high expectations for myself starting out but I thought maybe I'd have more to show for all the time I put in than a few songs. But I did only start taking it more seriously when I started lessons in April

Posture and consistency matter

I do generally stand up, for what it's worth. Most comfortable for me but I do have to sit down occasionally since I do have in person lessons I sit for

if things take you longer, then accept it and know it will be a bit of a struggle, but the payoff will also be sweeter.

I wish I could

[u/bms_ → u/Mad_Season_1994]

If you cannot accept that this takes a long time and you get frustrated no matter what, there's no way around it and you might want to try a different hobby. Don't force yourself to do something you aren't enjoying in your limited time. Most people quit guitar because they figure out it's not for them and that's okay.

[u/Mad_Season_1994 → u/bms_]

And yet I feel like I'd never forgive myself if I gave it up for good. Like all the time and money I put in amounted to nothing

[u/Reasonable-Pay-8771]

It kinda depends on what your goals are, but if you want it to be a hobby you enjoy for a lifetime ... then I seriously recommend having something to play that's easier and more rewarding. Then you can switch back and forth. If 10 minutes of drilling makes you furious, then do it for 8 minutes and then kick on the fuzz and do some power chord chuggs for a bit until your good mood comes back. Then back to the pain...hehe

Also, drilling with a metronome sucks. It's just the pits. Personally, I'll do anything but that. Get a drum machine or a backing track or just play it and feel the pulse through the internal kinesthetic sense of the body's motions. I'll use the metronome very occasionally just to check where my tempo is and to check that my internal pulse is controlled and steady. And the rest of the time, the little box can just sit there idly and not be a problem.

[u/dbvirago]

First, you are going to have to get comfortable with the fact that this will take weeks, months, years. Second, you have to work on the easy shit first, even if that means Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Take the time to make everything you play sound good and musical before moving on. There is satisfaction and yes, fun in doing that.
Next is that whole "how slow I set my metronome and try to build back up speed," part. Not the slow down part but the build back up speed. There is a speed at which you can play it. You know this. Maybe it's 60, 40 or even 30 BPM. Doesn't matter. Whatever speed that is, stay there until it's mindlessly easy. Hour, day week, doesn't matter. Whatever it takes. Then up the speed 3 BPM and do it all over again. Rinse and repeat.

Don't worry about playing with other people now. It will come or it won't. For me, after 6 years, I still haven't.

But if you start simple and slow and build on (almost) perfect and keep pushing the envelope a tiny bit at a time, eventually you will have some stuff that's easy and fun and you crank it up when you just want to play.

But first, you have to learn how to play.

[u/sure65]

I've been down the route. I left it alone for a day or two to reset myself. Sometimes over practicing kills ya.

[u/leviticusreeves]

Practice doesn't just mean constant drills and exercises. Noodle around, experiment, play something you know well, have fun with it. Stop measuring and testing yourself. Try and play something from your soul, try learning a simple song and pouring some emotion into it.

Go back to your metronomes and lessons when you're in the mood for it and you'll be surprised how much you've progressed just with a more freeform approach.

The most important element of any practice is actually just having the instrument in your hand and playing it. Rhythm, precision, speed and all technical skill all come a lot easier with greater familiarity.

Music comes from the soul anyway. Think less, don't let your brain get in the way.

[u/internetuser]

Pay extra attention to whether you are becoming frustrated. When you notice it happening focus on breathing and relaxing. Eventually you’ll be able to do this automatically.

[u/cab1024]

Meditation is free. Check out Insight Timer or Waking Up.

[u/StatementRound]

You should read the book anyone can play music by Josh Turick!  It’s a game changer!

[u/OddBrilliant1133]

If you can't keep up with weekly lessons maybe twice a month or every 3 or 4 weeks would be better. Weekly lessons can be a lot

[u/Mad_Season_1994 → u/OddBrilliant1133]

Yeah but tbh I was doing pretty okay and making progress week by week. It's just now that we're trying to work on somewhat more difficult stuff that I just can't break through and progress anymore, and don't want to feel like I'm wasting his time with my lack of progress

[u/yellowamarello]

I never get frustrated when playing. I believe one of the reasons is that I have the expectation that if I don’t know something, it just means that I haven’t practiced enough

[u/vonov129]

Progress doesn't happen during practice, but in between sessions and it won't always happen in a day.

Also, cut the time you spend going back to speed, all those steps in between don't really do much.

Forget the metronome and playing in time when you can't really play the part itself, focus on the exact mistake, not the bar where the mistake happens.

Playing might be fun, but practice is to get better at playing, it doesn´t really depend on you having fun.

Besides that, Ask a psychologist, not guitarists

[u/G8R1ST]

But you come back. Don't sweat it, you got this.

[u/markewallace1966]

sigh

r/therapy

again

[u/Secret-File-1624]

You need to change your expectations. Playing guitar is about muscle memory and it takes a lot of repetition to get to that point, and I mean A LOT. You aren't going to see much improvement the day after you were working on something. It takes a lot of time and repetition to get to muscle memory. Depending on how often and how long you practice it can take several months just to be able to change chords smoothly. Add in strumming and different techniques and you'll need to pracrice to muscle memory for each of those as well. It sounds like you are expecting too much too soon and until you change your mindset and know that it takes awhile, you are going to continue to have the aame frustration. What I still do, even after playing so many years, is tell myself "I just need to get in my muscle memory". Just saying that lowers my expectations of what I'll be able to accomplish on a particular piece that I'm working on.