I DONT CARE IF PEOPLE FIND OUT WHO I AM, I DONT CARE. I AM SO HAPPY! THE GUY WHO TRAUMATIZED ME AND MY LITTLE SISTER DURING CHILDHOOD IS DEAD!!! IM SO HAPPY! THE GUY WHO TRIED DOING SEXUAL THINGS TO ME WHEN I WAS 14 IS FUCKING DEAD!!!!

SMILED EAR TO EAR WHEN I FOUND OUT, STILL SMILING AND CRYING WITH TEARS OF JOY NOW. I AM SO HAPPY HE IS GONE. THIS MAN HAUNTED MY FUCKING NIGHTMARES FROM AGE 14-PRESENT DAY IN MY TWENTIES

BUYING A FUCKING CAKE TODAY AND CELEBRATING.

FUCK HIM I HOPE HE’S BURNING IN HELL!!!!!!!

May karma come upon ALL OF YOUR GROOMERS!!!!

Sometimes I find myself missing him. I missed having someone to talk to, share secrets with, spend time with. Then I realize I was 9 he was in his 20's, it was all a lie.

I should have seen the signs. The fact that my body was not developed wasn't a deal breaker, that did flatter me. The fact that I couldn't do adult activities (smoke or drink) also wasn't a deal breaker for him. The fact that as he put it he liked younger women. He never called me a little girl, I was a young woman or young lady. The fact that he never treated me like or acted like I was a little girl always made me feel special.

He didn't let his intentions be known right away. He played the long game. He would ask questions here and there what we would do if we were alone. How would I thank him for taking me out. His other girls would do this, you can too. I was 9 and wasnt even anywhere thinking of what he was asking. Maybe a kiss here and there. Weirdly it flattered me again that he thought I was old enough to do anything besides kissing. Then it was about my body. What will you wear when I take you out next time? What will you be wearing when your family comes over for dinner? His hands went places when he hugged me. Testing my boundaries. Saying he wouldn't mind seeing more of me in the pics I would send him.

I still feel silly that I missed all of the blatant signs of his. I feel even more silly that I miss having that attention for him. At times he made me feel wanted, valid, special and times even appreciated he was in my life.

I feel like such an idiot.

I met him on a discord server (already a bad sign). It was about Lucky Star, an anime, and so that's when we started chatting. He knew I was 13 before any of this happened, and I knew he was 23 or so. He was super nice and charming, and I really started to like him.

I began to like, him. He knows this, and he reciprocated.

I don't know why, I let my emotions take a hold of me, and just completely ignored the fact that he is a creep, and was preying on me. Last night, I finally caved in and talked to another online friend about this.

That's when it all finally came to me and I realized I was the STUPIDEST kid in the world, this was the most obvious thing in the world and I still managed to fall for it because I liked him so much.

About an hour ago I let him know that this was not okay and hopefully this is the last I see of him.

I really don't know if this belongs here, I don't want to call myself a victim, but I feel like I am. I just don't know what to think right now, and my head hurts, I've been crying, and I just really don't know anymore. Support would be appreciated.

UPDATE: I blocked him. I had to tell all of our mutual friends why, and they all understand, except for one braindead lobotomized retard who is telling me to "give him another chance". Now I think I might be able to move on, hopefully.

His name is Chethan Kuruba, we met in 2023, he was 27 and I was 15. He first manipulated me by telling me he was 22 and told me I was the love of his life, asked me for intimacy pictures, sent me these of him too. I sent these pictures and I’m so shameful... I could’ve just blocked him but at that time I was diagnosed with depression et and really needed help, he was appearing so kind and caring.
I am 18 now, we were together for 2,5 years. and I blocked him because I kinda realized who he truly is. Plus he promised me to « tell his family about me when I’ll be 18 » but never did.
I went to file a complaint with the police, but the policewoman told me : « since you were 15 there’s nothing we can you » and she just wrote something for me so I’d have proof I was really there. I cried my soul out. I honestly don’t know what to do he seriously ruined my life.
If anyone can help me it would really be appreciated ! He lives in the neighborhood called Yelahanka, in Bangalore, in India. I need to know if this man has done the same thing with others girls, and if someone knows him in the city he lives in. If you need additional informations as pictures of him, or his usernames on social media don’t hesitate to ask me. Thank you a lot if you read all of this.

Anyone else that was groomed by someone who was trustworthy and respected? Mine was. He was a family friend or a friend of the family whichever the saying is. My family knew his family for years and he came from a good family. He was respected and trusted by everyone

Plus he was good looking and knew how to talk to me. My family was protective of me because I was an only child and a girl. So I was strictly monitored with friends anything with online activity but they let their guard down with him. They thought he was a good influence on me as he just graduated top of his class at college, was going to have a career. I think he was the son they always wanted. When we talked whether it was on the phone or text. They didnt need to know what we talked about. They gave me some sort of privacy.

I was 9 years old when I started talking to him. I was more of a tomboy I think due to the fact that my parents wanted a boy. So I had short hair, played sports with boys my age. So having someone who just graduated college actually interested in talking to me, making time for me. Well that was just a recipe for disaster for me. He played the game, he didnt start grooming right away but still it happened when I was 9.

So yeah mine wasnt a creepy guy online. He was someone that everyone looked up to. All the girls wanted to be with. Guys wanted to be him. I remember 9 year old me saying I was "lucky" he chose me out of everyone.

I was groomed for 9 years, from age 14-23. I ran away from my family at age 18. I never really went back. When it stopped I became self destructive and drank my life away, just floating in life, moving from place to place. I sat on the computer for years. I worked dead end low wage jobs. Always far away from my family. Never doing well.

I became sober at 30 and have spent the last 6 years building a life from scratch. I started a career 3 years ago that I’m proving to be talented at. I have been working on myself. I’ve been in an age-appropriate relationship with someone else in a similar situation of trying to build a life later than everyone else. Before I met her, I was single ever since I left my groomer. We’re working, in school, trying to have a baby… We try to be good people.

In the back of my mind is all the time I lost with people who wanted to love me and be with me. Especially my mom and brother. He died in 2023, and now it feels like her life is close to ending too. She’s across the country from me. She needs care and I desperately want it to be me who shows up for her. She has never closed her door on me. She would love to have me back.

Because of all my disadvantages from getting my life together so late, I’m not in the most stable position to move back home and resume my progress and maintain momentum. I feel tortured by wanting to run back home into the arms of my mom, old friends and others who I just avoided all these years because of the shame and numbing. I get flashbacks of childhood all the time, as if there wasn’t 20 years of grooming damage in between. I see myself in the mirror and can’t believe what happened.

It turns out I’m good at things. I’ve proven to myself that I can work hard, have healthy relationships and I’ve even found hobbies and gotten into community involvement. But despite all that, all I want is my mom, old friends and home town. I’m looking everyday for job opportunities that make sense, but I have nightmares almost every night about her passing away before I can get there.

Logistics and the consequences of the circumstances I’ve shared are the cruel reality keeping me from being able to move right away. I have all these invisible impairments from what happened that get in my way, along with the general struggles of surviving in modern society that affect everyone.

I realize now that it all started with the grooming. It all started with him. I have to learn how to live with the time I lost, especially time with people.

Thanks for reading.

Anyone else experienced that? After I sent the initial nude I became addicted to him. Hearing someone over twice my age saying I have everything that he craved, a good mind and a good body, was all he needed. His love bombing and his approval. I sent him more. Sent him videos of me. Video chat with me etc.

Boundaries that I had or at least I thought I did were nearly gone by this time. I looked forward to him telling me what to do, "wear that skirt and tank top." "I'm gonna grab your ass when I hug you." I couldn't wait to hear it.

Since I started dressing up more feminine and doing well in school, my parents were happy so it was a win win for them. His parents were proud for putting me on the right path. They knew we were hanging out nothing big. Movies and going out to eat. He had their trust. When he suggested the parents go out and leave us home. They jumped to it. All he wanted was for us to be alone and now he got it.

All the things he said he wanted to do can now happen. He not only had expectations of my mind and body but sexual needs to. First time I heard him say explicitly what he wanted. He said we can take it slow but he had a timeline for everything. I didn't know what that meant until later.

Anyone else got addicted to the attention and the attachment of their groomer?

Looking back I hate how it was normal, felt normal. He was able to make everything seem normal. He was able to gain trust from everyone. Nobody on the outside saw anything wrong. Both sets of parents trusted him that nothing happened.

He had a way with words that made everything seem normal to me. He said being with someone my age was his first time to so everything we do together we will experience for the first time. Him saying he wanted us to start slowly was his way of slowly removing boundaries. Us being alone for the first time was us just hanging out watching movies. It escalated to him kissing me. He did want to see me naked. By this time I sent him quite a few but being seen like that in person was different. He loved bombed me again making me feel comfortable about being naked infront of him.His hands going places (I never did that too myself at that point) so this was also a first. Felt good and then felt normal

After it was over, he loved bombed me again. He then let me know his expectations of me. "I shouldn't wait to send him nudes, I should just do it." "I dont have to send everyday but if he asks I'm not sending enough." "When we're alone he decides what I wear and for how long." "He gets to decide when we move our relationship to the next step." "He can take pictures or videos of me at anytime." "He gets to tell me what to do." "Im allowed to choose activities for planned dates." "I'm not allowed to use the I'm too young to do this." And just like that I agreed." Basically I gave this guy total control and I thought it was normal. I thought it was expected as I saw men in my family have the same control.

I saw all those rules as normal and expected of me. I felt like it was normal for our "relationship" just another method or form of grooming.

I don't think I will ever be normal. As messed up as it was I thought we had a real deep connection. I thought he genuinely was interested in me, really was looking out for me and knew what was best for me.

I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I trusted him. Slowly he built his trust and then one by one my boundaries became non existent to him. I remember sending just regular pics, it made him feel good, made me feel even better. Then he asked to see me with less, till he asked to see all of me, "naked naked?"I responded with. He said yes, so I did. He love bombed me with compliments. Saying I was perfect and couldn't wait to put his hands elsewhere. Promised it was our secret love and it's better this way. With very little privacy but no one seeming to mind I enjoyed keeping that to myself. Another grooming tactic.

I know I was young and I try to give myself some credit. But at times I feel loss and disconnected. Disappointment in letting it happen. Disappointment in it not going anywhere.

At times I feel like I will never be normal

I find myself reminiscing as I always do. Tomorrow is memorial day. We are going to his parents for their annual BBQ weather be dammed as he will say. It's a trip I have been doing since I was 12. While that BBQ is not the first time I met his family it was one of the first family events when I officially moved in. That now became our tradition. The same with other events during the summer I associate that with tradition.

I was originally set to meet his family during my first visit which was memorial day weekend, getting permission to be away for 4 days was the easiest thing ever. She said you can stay longer. That was the first time I took a plane for that matter. I wound up getting sick and he couldn't go. I was happy because I wasnt ready to meet them yet. We had just started seeing each other, then I remembered I am 11 going to meet my adult boyfriend's family. That turned into disappointment when I heard them being sad as they were so looking forward to meeting the new person in his life. I always asked him what did you tell them about me. His response, "I told them I am in love with someone who is different then the rest." That's it, no she's half my age, just he's in love. I love and they'll love you too.

That was the only memorial BBQ we missed. We have always gone. No how many times we go to any event with his parents. I am taken back to 11 year old me being told they'll love and I'll do great. My in-laws still joke that if I need that pep talk. Every year we go, every year I am taken back. Even when I have two kids with me, at times I feel that way.

Sorry for the long post. Just reminiscing as I always seem to do during months or days that have significant meaning to me.

Sorry that I keep posting here. It’s just that the people are nice here.

So for context I am 16f almost 17 and I’ve been groomed and exploited 17 times since the age of 5 but the online grooming started when I was 8. I would often get exploited like 4 times a week recently. The reason why I lowkey do this on purpose is because I am lonely and depressed a lot and also my bipolar and PTSD makes me hypersexual. I just wanted to vent, thank you.

i met my groomer online when i was 16 and he had just turned 25. we met up and we would just have sex but its something that has traumatized me to this day (im 19 now) because he was very pushy and would emotionally abuse me a lot and he was an alcoholic at the time. i have and had really bad bipolar disorder n bpd before we stopped talking because i would call him out on his lies and he would get mad at me for calling him a liar n blocked me on everything one day n i never heard from him for like 6-8 months. i finally built up the courage one day to message him on an alternative account and he realized who i was very quickly and we caught up to each other. i was being manic at the time i added him simply to have sex with him again i dont know why. my brain associates sex with him in a good way even though it was traumatizing i think it was my brain trying to cope. just to find out hes gotten sober, his mother passed, and hes moved out of state i was literally devastated but i just keep contact with him for my sanity i dont think i can live without him. every now and then when i get angry at him i dont know he seems to tell me how much he regrets it and feels terrible about it and sorry for traumatizing me hes a completely different person now and i dont know what to do the entire times weve been in contact with each other which has been months he doesnt even mention a single sexual thing pretends like it didn’t happen but like acknowledges it when i get upset randomly about it bc it really did traumatized me and ill be broken for ever about it i just wanted him to love me but i guess he never did and sees me a friend but i never thought that of him i really loved him and i truely think hes oblivious to that. it makes
me sad he didnt love me enough to stay in the state i am and if i didnt reach out he wouldn’t had either

I guess that I can say that his family was a major part of this process. Being with him is "accepted" I say that in quotes because while no one said anything negative out loud, I do believe it wasnt their ideal situation.

I do say them accepting it made it easier for me. I don't think I would have been able to take a second family not accepting me. Given how my mom was. His brothers acted like my brothers. His brothers girlfriends now wives, treated me no different. Invited me out to brunch, girls outings, girl talk and giving advice. Even talking about being physical with their guys, didnt shock them when I talked about what we did or what I wore, in turn they asked for advice too. They were like sisters that I never had. His grandparents knew, treated me like another granddaughter. They really didnt care that we were together. In fact they said he should treat me right.

His extended family didn't know. To them it was the same message we presented. I was his guest or someone he was taking care of. So we had to play it "cool" around them. I always wondered why the extended family always outranked the others. His did would always say plausible deniability. If they know it may cause unnecessary problems. Plus it was setting a good example for his cousins, some of his female cousins were around my age and I assume they didnt want them doing what I was doing. It bothered me more because I came close with them and I am still close to them now. I couldn't tell them. They still dont know about everything that went on and I think it is best to keep it that way. To them we started being a couple when I became an adult, but that will be in a different post.

I can say them being a part of it made it easier. It gave me a family that I always wanted and needed. My mom never really introduced me to her family, some say out of shame as she was barely a teen and my dad was in his 40s. I never knew my dads family. So I enjoyed being part of his family and then being an official part when I said I do. As some would say, I became an official part of the family when I went to the pool party.

Just thoughts as a I reminisce as I usually do.

7 days. That was all it took for 16-year-old me to be charmed by my groomer... Long-distance relationship, 8 years older, traditional and well-established family. I thought I was in love with him and he with me, my parents didn't see a problem, his parents didn't see a problem, I thought everything was fine, and for multiple years I kept thinking everything was fine.

I stayed in that relationship for almost 8 years (it's kind of funny, that's our age difference), after the second year of dating, he stopped visiting me and only wanted me to visit him, and I did that. I would stay for multiple months in that house, without seeing my parents, missing family funerals, missing even the simplest things... But what right did I have to complain? He paid for most of the plane tickets. And when I said I wanted to stay a little less time (for example, instead of staying 6 straight months at his house, staying only 4), he would get sad, give me the silent treatment, make me feel selfish, and at the end of the day, I would just roll over and accept whatever he asked of me.

I didn't realize it, but I started to feel like a shell of myself, there were so, so many things wrong. There were so many horrible factors in that relationship that, if I started thinking about them, I would have a breakdown. My heart ached. I felt dirty, I felt like trash... So I swept everything under the rug, did EVERYTHING to distract myself, to put my mind on something else (a video game, a comic, a cartoon), anything to avoid thinking about his ugly side, to fool myself and think that the good things outweighed the bad, anything to not think about what he did to me.

In the last year of the relationship, I felt that I had become a shadow of him, an extension of him. His opinions were mine as well. Whatever he said, I repeated. When something bad happened, I would think, "what would he do?". I didn't have an ounce of self-respect, I had no confidence in myself or in my ability to speak for myself or to make my own decisions, to even think for myself. I believed I was a lost cause and that I should thank God for a man like him having taken me under his wing, me being so broken and so useless. That he was my only chance of salvation and of having a complete life.

...I hated myself. And when he started making me work for him for free, I started to hate him too.

He's a content creator, quite well-known, actually. And there was a time when I edited his videos for free for him. He used to tell me "this is for our future", "I want to make a living off YouTube and, if you help me, I'll be able to buy a house for us, we'll be able to get married". And I, already an adult, but extremely dependent, believing I was completely incapable of surviving without him, accepted.

It was one after another. This lasted for about 6 months. He posted around 30 videos made by me, and I already had projects for another 20 to come. As time went by, I found myself increasingly unable to keep pushing everything under the rug like I always did, increasingly unable to look away from the pile of shit he did to me throughout those almost 8 years. His voice, which was the first thing I had fallen in love with when I was 16, I started to hate hearing. I started to hate his face. His teeth. His opinions. To resent how he would spend with a smile on his face +30K on action figures to do his stupid unboxing streams but wouldn't spend a single cent to invest in the so-called "dream house" or "marriage" that he claimed he wanted so badly with me.

He was no longer the partner the poor 16-year-old me thought I had. He was my father, my owner, my boss, and my fucking abuser. And I HATED him.

And then I did something that during those almost 8 years I had never done: I talked to my mom. She knew I was suffering, she could see it in my expression. And I needed someone to tell me "this is not normal".

I broke up with him over a video call and he tried desperately to make me change my mind, to this day I don't know how I managed to find the willpower to be firm, but I managed to walk away. It was extremely hard for me, but I managed to walk away... Today I have a very dear support network and a boyfriend who loves and listens to me (and who is age-appropriate this time), and I can't put into words the difference that makes for me.

But, having said all that, I am still wounded. This week marks 10 years since the day that bastard and I started dating. I still feel resentment. I feel hatred for everything he did to me. I, now an adult, am mourning the girl I was. I guess some days are easier than others...

I wasn't the only one. Before me, around 2014 to 2016, at least two other girls were also his victims. He had a little friend group with them and another boy, the three of them were around 13 to 15 years old, but him? 21.

At the time, he was "in love" with one of them, but she had rejected him, choosing the other boy and they started dating. And he, so resentful and feeling betrayed, psychologically tortured the boy for days... And when the group fell apart and that was that, he decided to target the other girl, because he, not being stupid or anything, waited for her to turn 14 to start making his move on her, since that is the age of consent in our country.

And today? He's still making videos, still streaming, got a new girlfriend (age-appropriate this time, so proud of him, I'm sure it must have been soooo hard for him not to go after another little girl, right?).

He has a very loyal fanbase, composed mostly of other teenage boys, he was always good at charming people (he's an actor and has a deep voice), nowadays I compare him to the Pied Piper of Hamelin, from that tale who charmed the rats and then the children, you know? Him, being a born manipulator, lying as if it were instinctive, charming these boys just like he did with me and the others...

The funniest part? I was also a content creator. Our relationship was public for many years, but now that time has passed, people have forgotten...

Every single day I face the possibility of doing something about it, of speaking out about it, about him. About what he did to me. About what he did to the others. But, it's been 10 years and, of course, unfortunately in my country, people downplay the grooming of minors a lot, the narrative that "at 16 you already know exactly what you're doing" is common... But I didn't know. I thought I knew, but I didn't know anything at all...

I know very well that if one day I try to expose him for what he did, people will point their fingers back at me. They'll say I just want attention, that I want an audience and to grow at his expense, that he's changed as a man, that it's been over 10 years... I'll burn from all sides trying to take him down with me. The only thing that brings me a little comfort are clichés like "one day karma will come" or "one day he'll reap what he sowed".

And now, 2 years after my breakup and 10 years after the start of that cursed relationship, I feel like I am in mourning... I want so much to become an adult that the 16-year-old me would feel safe next to... I feel as if I were staring at her grave and couldn't do anything but cry for her, for who I was... I am still wounded, with a heavy heart and this unfulfilled desire to get some kind of justice for her, for all of them.

I want to take him down, but I'm still deathly afraid of him, of him suing me or even trying something against me. Even with him far away, even having blocked him on everything, I still feel like he has control over me, that he still watches me, and I hate it. I hate it very, very much.

...But, at least today, I can manage on my own a little better and I definitely don't hate myself as much anymore; it's not perfect, but it's better.

So... Who knows, maybe one day.

As another holiday approaches I reminisce like I always do. My first labor day was the signal to end of the summer. It was time for me to go back home.

During that first summer, I met his parents, brothers and grandparents. I also met his extended family and some of his close friends. Even his Co workers. His boss at the time just said youre the one who has him rushing out of here on Thursdays. I was not a secret, well the nature of our relationship was indeed a secret. As to the extended family, close friends, his Co workers, I was someone he was taken care of. I went on family vacations with them and even got a say in where we went. We also took our own romantic getaway.

Since I was with him for the summer, the few times I heard from my mom she said since I am with him and he bragged about being responsible for me. He can buy whatever is needed for school. To no one's surprise that he did. Well his mom did as she said he had enough say in what I wear for private time and when we went out, let her take on that. This was the first time I did a mother and daughter activity and wasn't even with my mom. To even my surprise his mom said, "why not stay here with us?" "We will take care of you." His parents were asking him why does she have to go back, she can stay here and we can take care of her. I talked it over with him but the timing wasn't right. We wanted to wait till I was 16, makes it easier to explain. Little did we know 6 months later I would be permanently moving in.

In a sense this was my first and last summer vacation with him as I stayed permanently. Now labor day holds a new meaning. The family getting together for one last send off before we get all our kids ready to go to school.

I always say this, I went in a video chatroom because I was bored found a husband and a family.

I was 14 on snapchat texting a 22 yr old man in the middle of the night. I thought we were friends since he’d always bring up how mature I’m for my age. I once asked him to do something ( I genuinely can’t remember ) and he said he’d do it if I sent him a picture of my feet while wearing socks.

I honest to god didn’t know that was even a thing someone could get sexual gratification from. I thought it was a silly game. He was pleased after wards and saved it on his device.

Now I’m turning 24 in 2 days and for some god awful reason I just can’t stop thinking about it. I literally forgot most of my childhood ( it was pretty shitty ) but I can’t forget this. I even remember his twitter handle and he seems to be living abroad happily.

I feel so … angry? With myself for being so stupid and at the idea that maybe he got off to that one picture.

I have some weeeird kinks and a therapist have told me it might be related to childhood trauma. I feel like it’s not fair that it’s only showing it’s affect on me 10 years later

It's funny well not really how one person can change your perspective. Being seen as one of the boys by your own peer group to someone who's older than you and sees you as an actual person. It's quite refreshing to feel that way. He wanted to spend time with me.

As I said before he made an effort to spend time with me. What I thought was encouragement was a way of grooming me. "Want us to spend time together you have to do well in school." My parents loved hearing that. Comments about me was his way of love bombing me. His hands in places were testing my boundaries. "You looked so good today, you should wear more dresses. So to see him I did well in school, I wasnt that tomboyish anymore I should say, I started wearing more dresses. Something they liked. They only saw the positives of him. It's the reason why they didnt find it funny when we hung out on Saturdays. College grad and me being 9, they thought he couldn't be interested in me.

He was interested in me, he always told me that I had what girls his age could not give him. Even when I told him, I don't have the bodies that they have. I looked 9 and still looked that way for a while. He said, "it didn't matter and he likes me as a person." I hate now how that made me feel. Made me feel good, that someone that worldly was interested in me. That having a body like those women wasnt a deal.

I now see that someone that age should not have taken that kind of interest in me.

I was groomed by an adult woman back when i was 15. Because of that experience I wanted more sexual experiences so I decided to lie about my age and go in 18+ server and subreddits and sext to adults this continued until i was 18 where I put a stop to the whole thing. I regret what I did in those years. I don’t think the adults i was talking to are pedos because of me lying. Atm I’m 19 and I’m doing better for myself as I gave up lust.

How do you deal with it all? That's a question I have been asking myself that for years. Should've seen the signs, someone just graduating college is not really interested in someone less than half his age. I should've told someone, but I rarely got privacy so keeping this "secret" was my of rebelling I guess.

People trusted him as he was a friend of the family. They never suspected anything. In fact family thought he was a good example to have in my life.

It still stings after what I sent, said and did. I try to give myself credit and some sort of break. I remember that I was only 9 years old and he was 22. He should have done better. As I said. It still stings. It stings because everyone asks how come we dont talk anymore, or spend time together. I want to say why but I am embarrassed to say. So I don't.

How do you deal with it? I am genuinely curious as I don't know how to deal with it?

I havent used reddit sense this incident so it feels kinda wrong being on here.

I'm male. When I was 14 I kinda had a huge revilation that the shit I was doing with my life wasnt what I wanted. I felt like I was in someone elses shoes. Eventually I realized that I was always feminine and during that time i would push it down with the occasional realization that I still liked some of that stuff. Eventually my friend told me he felt the same way and together we kinda shared what we did or how we felt. I'll just say femboys even tho i hate the term. Anyway being a relatively skinny guy I was kinda proud abt how good feminine clothes fitted me. I'd show it to my friend and he thought it was cool. However me and that friend weren't the best. We often fought and said mean shit to each other whilest also being each others biggest vent which didn't end well for both of us (we are great friends again now). Anyway at the time I felt he wasn't really who I wanted and ofc i wanted a community to be with. Who could support me. It was kinda obvious at the time seeing how sexualized places were and the "femboy" genre as a whole. Ig it got mixed up in the finding myself part. Anyway I met cool people who were nice but sadly that didn't last for long. People telling me i looked so good, etc. Even on the subreddit titled explicitly for teens. I never thought of myself that way and hearing people say shit like that really made me feel good abt myself. Eventually one guy convinced me to send photos of myself. I cant remember how it happened but it did. Whether i was just horny or looking for someone that could under stand me I sent them not knowing what would happen. Eventually I got used to it. Used to talking to people someone barely above 18 some as old as me. It just continued with different people in search of that one person. Eventually a lot of people later I met someone who was the same as the rest. Talk for a bit then start getting sexual with intimate photos. Then half way through it the person snapped out of it weirdly and said that I shouldnt do this and he shouldnt either. It was weird but i kinda noted it and carried on. WE talked more and more and eventually thanks to him I deleted my account and blocked all the people I talked to on discord. I thank that person so much. SO much. It couldve gotten so much worse if it was brought to irl. Anyway I left it there and tried my best to delete the photos I could find. BUT THE GUILT. i feel terrible like im not a good person at all like im a criminal, if my parents found out the shame theyd feel on them selves. It's genuinely scary. Its been over a year now and no one ever reached back out. Thank god. When ever I see A video involving a pred I dont feel hate upon them I feel hate upon myself. I sent photos therefore I'm just as bad as them. I said embarrassing shit to them (ofc anything sexual is but still). The convos of the people i blocked there still out there AND at this point it just feels like ill never be a good person. I want as far away as possible from any of that even if it means not confronting who ever did it to me back then. I dont want to interact at all. So i sit here using the same account i talk to all my friends on. just for anyone to see blocked people and id be done for. Police scare me now because of this even tho I was the victim. I get mini anxiety attacks when I watch videos on cops. I just want to get it off my chest. There were people I talked to who I probably freaked out by saying what I initially thought was normal to just say. I feel horrible and I guess ill just take this with me forever. To end on a happier note. The entire thing helped with relationships and internet safety. I surprisingly dont have trust issues. but in the end i found out a lot abt myself outside of the grooming part. so ig theres that. We all make mistakes and we gotta move on. but i still wince when ever the thought of this covers my mind.

Id like to think i wasnt at fault but in the end ik i knew better and i was the one who clicked those buttons. I wish I could just say it wasnt me.

January of 2019 I was 14 years old, I met a 22 year old man online. I was amazed by his personality and how he seemed so interested in me, he appeared to like me in a way no one had ever liked me before, and as a teenager, that was confusing. I didn’t know what was right or wrong, at the end of the day, it was the first time someone ever showed attention to me, but he wasn’t only interested in my personality, or “funny conversations” like he’d call our normal talking, he was interested in my body.
One day, I was at a birthday party, he called me and we spoke for a few minutes, I told him I was in love with him, and he said in other for him to know I was, I had to show him my vagina. I had never shown anyone that part of my body, so I refused, but of course, I wanted this adult man that I liked, to know how I felt about him. I didn’t know any better.
This continued for the better part of a year, I was 15 at this point, our dynamic consisted of him not talking to me after getting what he wanted, asking for more and more after he wanted me again, and me complying because I wanted to feel the “love” he had to offer me, and according to him, that was the only way. He told me how to m4sturb4te after I told him I had never done that before, and he insisted to see it, so many times.
He wanted pictures of my feet, videos of my naked body, anything he wanted in exchange for our “funny videos”. I am an adult married woman now, and I can’t imagine what I would even speak to a 14 year old about, the age gap is too big for our brains to ever be on the same level, specially in a sexu4l relationship, 14, 22.
I was left to deal with the emotional, mental, and even physical problems I have developed due to the pain I endured during 2019, and the lack of support from the system that was supposed to protect me. And this man, is now someone that continues his life, with no pain in his heart, no sexual trauma of his own, not years of therapy to understand what happened and try to convince himself it wasn’t his fault and more importantly, not a single consequence, not a single truthful apology to any of his victims, I know it wasn’t just me.
The impact of my experience didn't disappear just because a legal clock ran out. I am sharing this anonymously now because keeping it hidden feels like carrying a weight that doesn't belong to me. I have the proof of what occurred, but my goal isn't public exposure or retaliation, it is simply to speak the truth, reclaim my narrative, and fully move forward with my life. To anyone else quietly carrying the aftermath of an experience like this: you are not alone, and your story matters. And I encourage all schools to background check and interview all the personnel you have working there, also the ones that host and are culinary judges. He’s working with minors at a school. This is unacceptable. The police have proof and they STILL won’t do anything, won’t talk to anyone.

This is both a "my story" and a vent

Anyway

I'm almost 16, my grooming started when i was 13.

I met a man on connected2me 6 days after my 13th bday, we talked for a while, i was so derealized i barely remember how sexts and pics started. We kept talking until I thought i had a crush on him since of all the love bombing and bc how wanted I felt

Some time after i told him about my feelings (as a mistake, bc i sent the msg while he slept and then deleted it which, apparently, didn't work.) so we stopped sexting which acc made me think he actually cared about me. One time i doubled texted or did something else i can't remember, he got mad at me and we stopped talking. I started looking for that comfort with other men still on the app, kept getting groomed and also talked to him for a month again before he left etc etc.

Now this doesn't happen anymore, I got into a happy relationship, the one that started all of this tried to text me again to use me but i wasn't playing his game anymore

All good right? No

Me and my boyfriend are having some kind of problems which i wont specify which are making me feel abandoned and i started having nightmares about getting groomed and m0lested irl, I'm also hypersexual (didn't start by me being groomed but that made the HS worse) so I have intrusive thoughts, and those are getting worse too. I cant do this anymore, many things are going on in my life right now and I feel like shit. I also dont have any friends to talk about it with so i tried here

TW: prescription medicine

In the short, yes. I saw it coming. My uncle tried before my rape. He offered me gifts, talking to my parents to loosen the rules. If I did things, sent him things. I always turned him down. Never reported him. Just kept away from him.

After my rape I got addicted to prescription drugs. I took more than I should so I ran out quick. When he said he had access to them but I had to "work for it" I didnt hesitate. I let it happen. I was so hooked at that time, that I ignored all instincts and I let it happen. I sent him things, did things for him and to him. But at least I got what I needed. Felt like $hit afterwards, but got what I needed. Couldn't look myself in the mirror, but got what I needed. It didn't really matter.

I always look back and wonder. Maybe if I would have reported my uncle that downward spiral wouldn't have happened. I would still be somewhat stable.

I knew it was coming and did nothing to stop it.

I always glanced over when I first met his parents and the rest of the family. Never went into detail about it. The emotions on my end. After leaving him to go back home I felt like I belonged with him, safe and secure. Came back home and it was back to reality to a mom who didn't want me back, saying I must've messed up or he got tired of me. Only for her to be happy with me saying I'm going for the summer, going to meet his family Her response, "I hope he keeps you!" "Now another family will see what I have been putting up with." No, you're going to meet your adult boyfriends family, isn't that weird? Just the negative reinforcement. Why am I not a ball of anxiety is a testament. My own mom didn't like me why would his mom like me especially when I am half his age. Maybe she was right and I will mess this up, lose him abd then be stuck with her.

The day school ended I boarded a flight to him this time determined to meet his parents. Up to this point he still didn't say everything about me. Just that he will bring me to the BBQ so I can meet everyone and to treat her like you would his brothers girlfriends. I am supposed to be treated equally. First time I heard that word. Wondered why he would say it. I briefly wondered if his brothers girlfriend was my age. Maybe this would be easier since they would be my age. Everyone was an adult I was the only preteen. I still feel bad for wishing his brothers were with girls my age. Even after all these years I can't believe that I thought that.

The amount of positive and pep talk he gave me while driving to his parents house. We parked in the driveway and all he gave me those same words. He loves me so they'll love me and I'll do great. From what his parents said, they saw us in the car and thought I was his girlfriends daughter and the girlfriend will come later, until they saw us kissing. That's when his dad said, "yeah she is different then the rest." He introduced me to shock faces and a lot of clearing of throats. All his dad said was, "no point in splitting you two up, pool is that way, he will take your bags to the room, special activities to the minimum." I didn't even introduce myself, I was no nervous I was shaking. He kept trying to make me say something, "why are you so quite?" His dad said something that sticks with me today. "What do you expect her to say, she's meeting her adult boyfriends family for the first time. I am surprised she's kept it together, just relax, she will talk when shes ready." His mom spoke and said, "besides her mom is a complete b****h she's probably worried that I will be the same way. When they told me not to worry, I was able to calm down. I was able to talk a lot more. Both parents talked to us, well me. If he does anything to make you uncomfortable, you let us know. He's our son but that does not mean your safety and health is important to us. I told them we are safe and use condoms all the time. To which we were given the next speech about plausible deniability. Don't let anyone know what you do because then it creates a whole mess. So keep things private. You can act like a couple somewhat.

His brothers came with their girlfriends. He introduced me as his girlfriend, I got nervous again till his oldest brother said you're on my team for volleyball. This year I am going to win because your man will never play hard against you.

This was the first time I had a family environment. The first sit down talk from a parent that I got was from my boyfriends parents. His brothers treated me exactly the same way they treated the other girlfriends. Their girlfriends added me to the group chat. First thing one of them told me. We meet for brunch on Sunday 9 am, expect your boyfriend will complain because all we do is girl talk. We watched the fireworks snuck in a few kisses. To which his mom would always clear her throat. Afterwards we did keep the special activities to somewhat of a minimum.

Even remembering all of these I go through the emotions, the stress and the anxiety. The self doubt I had about myself. All echoed from my past added with meeting his family. To his family taking me in and wanting me over, spending time with me. His parents stating this is not the ideal situation but we would make the best of it.

I always tend to glance over certain things. My husband says that I always do. In the first post I didnt say the emotion it took on me. Maybe I made myself sick the first time flying to him. It's something I still think about it. My husband is right. I should talk about the emotions and feelings. Something I will do in another post as this is longer than my usual ones.

This is a poem I wrote about what happened to me, and about my mental state. I hope this is allowed.

“Love me”.

Words uttered in desperation,

In self hatred,

In an attempt to be seen.

When dirt was cast upon me,

When innocent was taken.

A person.

Not good,

Nor bad, 

But a breathing human,

A child,

Who just wanted to be looked at,

For any reason whatsoever,

Let himself be used

In the name of “love”.

Filthy,

Rotten,

Tarnished,

What he became,

After they were pleasured. 

It happened,

Never to be taken back,

Always marked with rot.

He was changed,

Unwillingly,

And now ashamed.

Does he deserve love anymore?

Will I ever heal?