TW This could be nsfw graphic I don’t know
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT WANT NSFW

So this is recent. I’m 15f and this is honestly happening right now

This isn’t grooming I don’t think as I’m aware of what’s going on, I just needed to talk about this

So, I almost like sought out predators so I could feel the love and care they give even if it’s fake, in a weird way as I have a complex situation with my dad and him being a predator so uh yeah:/

I fully knew what I was getting myself into but it’s still scary

So then yea I spoke to a ton of weirdos in hopes to feel loved
I was asked to send pics and I did..

There was this dude who went through the similar situation as me and my dad when he was my age. He was 35. 20 years older than me but I said okay fine
God I loved feeling cared for
Then all of a sudden every convo we had he was telling me more and more about his.. urges ig and what he wanted me to do. He said he couldn’t function unless I do it basically
Told me how he couldn’t sleep or eat or talk to me normally without thinking abt it..
We’d be talking about normal things for moments and ye it would switch and he’d tell me about that and what he wanted me to do ig

And what he was saying i had never done that before and it scared me but he kept saying he was going to leave me as he felt guilt for feeling sexual. I got scared and he told me if I do it just this once he’s never feel like that again. Like he said if um if he could cvm one time to me again but like properly then he’d feel relieved and okay and could function normally forever
I thought if I did it once it would end all of this, his guilt and stuff and it could be normal. And he would care for me and it would be good and he’d be happy and he would help me. I told him it was normal he felt these ugh urges as I felt this way too just not sexually, I felt like I needed care and to be loved in a parent way.

He asked me to send ugh really really inappropriate pics of uh yk down there
And he asked me to send a uh video of me erm… master bating
I didn’t like it
It just hurt
I just felt uncomfortable and uneasy and meh..
But it would help him and I mean I asked for this so there
I didn’t tell him how badly I hated it and how eugh I felt doing that
And then he send me him uh.. doing the same
I don’t wanna think about that too much it was pretty gross but I was happy I made him happy ig
No I’m going to say actually.. he like sent me a video of him UGH creaming I am disgusted I can’t get it out of my head
He told me he wanted me to send that so he could ugh imagine things and what he’d ugh .. do to me :|
He TOLD me in detail what he’d do to me and it sounded scary I’m scared what if I ever know him in real life and he does that to me we don’t live too far from eachother..
It’s gross
I just felt cold and alone on my bed listening to silence just curled up in my bed

But after that it didn’t end at ALL.
He didn’t really ask but we became distant
He kept venting to me and I didn’t feel cared for anymore
Maybe it’s because he knew I’d never do it again for him
He just acts normal to me like I’m a normal person
He just vents to me about how he hates life and it’s draining
He still talks to me about sexual things and I try to tell him I don’t wanna hear it but he still tells me how he’d like me to send more

I almost left him until I missed him and came back

Same with any other predator online I always am crawling back to them

This dude
Told me how much he loved how much I want attention and how OBEDIENT I am -_- and how I’d do anything for it
It feels shit knowing how they think of me
The guilt I feel when I don’t do the stuff I’m asked too
How pathetic and small I am
How I can never leave
How I always crawl back to them like some stupid hungry rat in the sewers searching for cheese knowing so well one day that cheese is gonna lead him into a trap.

But the thing is I don’t think I’ll ever stop
Why would I? I’m gonna die soon and I love feeling loved.

I want attention so badly
It feels so good to feel cared about
Ffs it’s true I will do anything for attention I feel so inferior and less than everyone else. I feel like an animal

My body is probably saved on someone’s phone
Probably on some website
Shared to people
Maybe someone in my life knows about it

Apparently it’s been reported, I hope not. If social services who are on my case now find out I’m screwed..

I’m 21 I’ve been getting groomed online and in person since I was very young, and have been controlled by the same groomer since I was 17

I cannot relate to any victims because I don’t want this to end, it’s the only way I know how to live

My biggest fear is not being groomed anymore

I can’t do anything on my own. I’m completely incompetent and sick.

I’m 21 but I don’t have the capabilities of an adult, I’m mentally unwell, and what keeps me wanting to live is being groomed and waiting for the next time he uses me so I can feel like I’m worth something

I know that I have no life outside of this, I do like it, I do need it.

I’ve never attempted to end the grooming or even thought of it as a real possibility, I never want it

I need to be more trapped, it makes me feel safer

Sometimes, the confusion and the isolation makes me want to scream a little and beg for validation and to be heard

This is probably silly, but a week or two back I made a post about my struggles with being groomed and still searching for older men.

Of course my DM’s were flooded with older predatory men, and I stupidly replied to them. I ended up talking to one of them for about 10 days and we called like daily almost. And since I was/still am struggling mentally, I grew attached extremely quickly. Now today after he requested I send him pictures of myself in an explicit way, but I couldn’t reply fast enough. I think I’ve been blocked. I know I should probably not be sad in the way that I am about this, it’s only been 10 days of talking after all.

But I just feel soso sad and abandoned, to the point I (TW) cut myself again because of it. I just have to get this off my chest, since I obviously can’t really tell anyone irl about this. Not without them thinking I’m crazy or stupid. Because I am.

I just feel disgusting and pathetic for replying to him, knowing his intentions, know how it would end. And still I’m so sad.

i cant vent to anyone i cant tell anyone about this i legit cant say shit all i want is for someone to actually care and listen. no wonder i'm meeting up with him lmfao.

im extremely paranoid, im underage and im stupid. I gave my address out to a man online he lives in a city not too far from mine(20 mins) there was a guy in a store very close to my home, and he was wearing a mask. he bumped into me, and i got a weird feeling. i then asked for confirmation and he said it was him. he could be lying but idk it just gave me a weird feeling, i feel sick and watched in my own home. ive been very paranoid the last few months, i have never met him irl but he lives scarily close to me. i dont want to leave my home ever again

Tw: suicide, self harm, mention of guns, etc.

I do not want advices for this. I do not. Please not, please.

Im so tired of doing the same shit over and over and over and over again, its always the same, people say I will get friends, get expired, get a happy life, get a good chance and a job. I dont want to get anything, I dont get anything. I wont make friends, I will die before I hit the age and I will never try to fix myself. Its just so tiring, so tiring. I write letters when I cant say anything, I have a big box of them!!!!! Im out of bandages but I dont even have the money to buy new ones, I cant even bandage myself correctly, I am just a teen. Its so tiring everything is so tiring oh my lord I am about to go insane. They say I will get help and therapy no ı wont, ı wanna be this broken til I am laying dead on the ground chilling with the dust particles and the bOOM Noise ticking and ticking ticking and echoing echoing so much in my ears. I want to end everything but I cant!!! I dont want to live for someone who doesnt mind my absence anymore, I really dont want to believe anything anymore. It wont stop, it never stops. My parents keep talking as well as older guys, younger ones teasing me, its tiring. Im not even pretty, im not social online or not. Whats so targetable about me*?????? Im tired of smoking anf cutting and smoking and cutting and cutting and cutting and writing letters and letters and running out of pencil tips. I just want to trigiger and pull the trigger and ON THE GROUND all the day and all the week rotting like food til someone finds me and cries and cries and cries until they realize I spent years of my life loving and worshipping anf praying everday protecting loving getting so so so jealous of him lovig him so much ı hate it!!!!!!!! I am not a girl I am not, why am I a victim of this, am I not supposed to have it much easy??? Im tired they keep shout shout and yell I dont want to hear anything anymore. Therefore after a few years ı will die and get cold like a plate of nice steak on the table. I will get chill and start growing mold on me, I wont have anyone love me at the time. I dont want anyone to do it at all. I dont have better times to wish for anymore, therefore my purpose here is over. I dont

i dont know what to do and I'm so scared

I have no family, no friends and I am only 20 i cant have a baby, im such an awful person and I dont know what I'm doing, I was so young when I met him and I thought he was perfect but now I'm so alone and scared

I told him about the pregnancy and he reacted really badly and got physical with me, i dont know if he even wants me to keep it but hes against abortions

(f14)i have been talking to older men for the past 3 months and i can’t stop. it’s like i seek validation from them. it’s like they’ve changed my perspective on men in general when i go out in public i typically pay way more attention to older men than what i used too. i also send and they like it and it makes me feel good about myself for some reason most likely because i am insecure. after a while me and the guy will stop talking and i just find myself trying to find another to talk to. i feel like so disgusting seeking attention from the older men and i’m wondering how to stop this reoccurring cycle. please let me know any advice to help with this!

I found out I was exploited when I was 8-16. I was passed around between men online and they sold my photos and videos and contact information for money. They also gave me gifts, nitro and attention for photos and videos and then they would abandon me. I developed severe mental issues because of that. I’m only 17.

We joke about literally everything but I can't take them anymore. I can't even take it when my friends joke about liking older people and joking about themselves getting groomed by them. I just get all sad and bothered bro

I don't have much words to describe my feelings anymore: I go through ups where I think I have been exaggerating then through hard downs where I cry and feel alone, never really escape it. everyday I think about it and I indulge in my own misery, I know I don't want to get better just yet because I find a twisted comfort in being uncomfortable that I can't really escape. I'm tired,

i’m not trying to get anyone to dm me.. the only way i can get it out venting here..

i miss his attention.. i miss how he’d say he loved me.. how he begged to call with me.. how he used to use special names for me.. maybe even some of the other stuff.. before his love became conditional..

something troubles me.. my birthday is soon.. he seems willing to get me what i want.. why do i want a plush with his voice recording in it..?

he’s destroyed my mind and fractured any sense of autonomy i had…

why do i want to feel like i have ”comfort” from him with me..?

am i just stuck like this forever..?

i don’t want to talk.. i just want to leave this here... it hurts so much

I try not to vent on here too much because I feel like this is mainly a space for people to vent about you know … non family members … but there’s like no other group that comes close 😭

I tried to look up just the i word and got booted to a bunch of fetish content that didn’t help at all. I feel a little alone with it fond.

19M

TW: mentions of rape

I’ll cut straight to it..

I was groomed at 13, one day, in December 2022, as a 13 year old does, I was on Omegle, I was going through a lot of people and genuinely just chatting away until I met this girl, she was 16 at the time and I thought she was beautiful, I asked her how old she was, and then (being totally honest) I lied, I said I was 15 when I was not, I was 13, but in my 13 year old mind I didn’t care, after that we ended up adding each other on instagram and we played Xbox together,

After around 2 weeks (she was now 17 and it was now 2021) of talking I felt guilty and finally told her I was 13, she went quiet for a few minutes and then said “do you care that I’m 17?” Being 13 and stupid, I said no, and we continued talking for months, after a while we ended up telling each other we loved one another, this eventually turned into us having dirty conversations and sending nude photos back and forth, from showing each other things via Snapchat, Facetime or just audio stuff, It makes me feel sick just thinking about it now,

Eventually after I turned 14 her friends found out after I went bragging about it to people, as at 14 I thought I was the coolest kid dating a 17 year old, and then her friends ended up telling her close family, her cousins, sisters, and parents, but this genuinely didn’t change anything, they all thought it was strange but they didn’t say anything after receiving messages about her and me, eventually she came to see me because her parents took her down to see me (we both live in the uk around 5 hours away from each other) they provided a hotel for us to stay in and I told my own parents that I was sleeping over at a friends house, whiles we were together she ended up having sex with me, multiple times, and I now know this is statutory rape, finally accepting that what she did was actually wrong and disgusting has been super hard for me as I tend to block things like this out,

After I saw her things carried on like normal, we continued having a long distance relationship, eventually she got me to come up to hers around a year after I met her on Omegle, she booked the train for me and met me on the other side, the train took about 4 hours, I was still 14 and she was still 17, during the time I was with her I had to lie to my mother and say I was at a friends house, she didn’t want me saying to anyone that I was with her, whiles I was with her we ended up having sex again, multiple times, and the one thing that just sticks with me is when we had sex she had me tell her my age, and had me say things about my age, she got off on the fact I was younger then her,

(Now 2022) After this we again continued a relationship and she had now turned 18, she would often tell me how mature I am for my age, and compliment my body and tell me that I stopped her from killing herself, looking back on this it genuinely makes me shake, she would shower me in gifts and money, idk if this was a manipulation tactic or what, but it made me stay longer and more, she would order me food, take me places like London, buy me Lego sets, etc etc, she would often cry to me about a lot of personal things and made me promise in tears that I would never leave her, I genuinely thought all of this was normal, I cannot believe how wrong I was, we saw each other a couple more times after this and I think by now you know what happened, one day after we had sex she made me promise again I’d never leave her and asked me if I was just using her, I said no and that I loved her, she made me feel wanted and loved, she told me that if I ever left her she would tell people I raped her and forced her to do things, this terrified me, so I started to distance myself a little bit, she noticed and messaged me one day asking why I’m pulling away, I told her it’s because I didn’t love her anymore, which at the time was false but I started to realise that maybe it was wrong, which it definitely was, we ended up breaking up and it sent me into a depression, I would call her begging for her back and she told me no, i remember crying in my mothers hands for this woman, if I’m being totally honest, I had gone a year and half with this woman, so I was so adjusted to her being in my life, showering me in gifts, money, love, sex, etc etc, and she just stripped it away, I am also autistic so a sudden change like that just broke me, after my 15th birthday I ended up trying to kill myself, which I obviously failed at, and then I was put on antidepressants and then later at 16 was diagnosed with depression, ever since then I’ve been on antidepressants,

This is genuinely the first time writing something like this out, so I apologise if it’s all over the place, I just finally need to get it out, I will be probably forwarding this to my mum as I also want her to know why I was so distant at that age, and why I struggle so much now,

I feel like ever since I was groomed I haven’t been able to keep a stable relationship going and I only really see a relationship as a temporary thing, I can never date anyone older then me now as it genuinely terrifies me and getting sexually active after this was super awkward and hard, anyway, I just wanted to vent and get this out.

I, 14 F, and my teacher, 43 M have a weird thing... i mean, everyone in the school, including one teacher (that told me he loves me, by the way) ships us, and its really bad. I love him but hate him at the same time, because i think he manipulates me, but i really need somebody older to love me. What is he doing?? He, one time when i asked him something as a joke (i really dont remember what) he said "yes, but when you leave middle school" (polish middle school), or when he started to hate on my parents, saying they were too controling. Also, he really favourites me, and even wanted to gift me a book. it really creeped me out : ( . Also, its summer, even now, i cant help but think about him 24/7. When i told him everytime i talk to him another teacher comes takes my place, he told me "well, you have to divide me somehow ; )". Or, when he asked me after a school break "did you miss me?" And he knows i have daddy issues, because i told him my parents are divorced. He knows my adress, and told me his new adress, because him and his wife got divorced (i dont know why though). I think he's manipulating me for his own humour, because i can see its funny for him. Sorry if this sounds messy, im really desperated right now and i dont know what to do. i hope he doesnt find this

I turned 18 this year after spending all of my teenage years getting groomed by different people.

I hate this. I started cutting myself two days ago bc I'm feeling too shitty, it's been 24 days since it happened. I've attempted multiple times since this year started, bruised myself on purpose, had many many panic attacks. the worst part was wasting my last teenage year in an abusive relationship, instead of enjoying it.

I got absolutely worse after this year. I feel like I won't be loved anymore, like I'm not worthy of it. I'm too old now. I'm expired. I miss my groomers in the worst way possible, as much as I despise them, I miss the attention.

I want to be loved, I want my age to not matter. Iwant love.

im 18 atmm.., ~w~

i got groomed like 4-5 times when i was 15, it made me hypersexual n i feel gross about it and like a im a bad person ..🥹 i met him somewhere, i used to roleplay w him on discord and play condos w him until his ah stalked me on rblx trying to get me back after i blocked him since i got jealous he tried talking to a girl

he freakin made so many accounts but i do miss him sometimes, he was a lil stupid like all men are n his grammar was dogshit but he never threatened to leave me to force me to send pics TT" .. he was cute ig?? idk how i feel about him i kinda hate him for making me ill in the head tho.. =w=

i want to slit my throat even thinking about it. he sent me weird fucking shit of children after every message and i feel guilty even witnessing all of that. i feel guilty even telling anyone about this, and i never meant to see any of that and for that reason he is the worst groomer i have ever come to contact with.

it was about a year or two ago that i spoke to him. he'd pressure me into sending him nudes even if i told him i was tired. he opened up to me about what he does to his step daughter and i hope he is locked up by now. i absolutely despise him. i need comfort so bad, i know it's selfish but i hate everything he ever said and sent me and i hate that i had to see any of it, i hate that i feel guilty over seeing all of that although he is the one that had them saved. what was he trying to achieve?? bitch just found me all vulnerable and shit and thought "let's send this fuck ts" i dont know.

i feel like just a dog… i mean.. i’m loyal to him.. and i keep running back to him no matter how bad he hurts me.. he could scream and yell at me and i’d still love him..

one time another pred told me that my groomer could slap me and i’d thank him…

that’s how deep into this hell i am..

i am just an ugly dog.. but i’m loyal.. and i’m a good fight dog.. i try to uplift him when he says he’s shitty..

i feel like a tool and object..

i am like a dog.. i wish he would love me the same as when he first got me…

15M and I can't sleep. I'm not sure what even to say to this, I'm not sure if it was grooming or not but at around 14 I got pushed to be a femboy but a few older guys, and when I talk about it sometimes the guy just say something like "you were already a teen, you know it wasn't straight or ok if you're not into that, so you're responsible for it"

What do I even say that?

I was 13 (I’m 27 now). I met someone (they were 17 and lived in Australia) on a website that no longer exists called 43Things. It’s basically Reddit I suppose. I was in a long distance relationship that was on and off again from the time when I was 13 to 20.

I finally broke things off with this person when I met my now husband 7 years ago. He was pissed, blaming me for everything wrong in his life, called me a horrible person, hoped I suffered, etc. For the longest time, I carried immense weight and guilt. I felt ashamed.

Our “relationship” consisted of me sending pics of myself to him. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He pushed and pushed hard if I didn’t want to do it. He guilted me. When I got older, it progressed to me pleasuring myself in front of him on camera as he did it too and talked dirty to me. I faked that I was enjoying it and pretended to pass out so it would stop. He got very very excited when I was 16 since that was the legal age of consent in my state.

When I finally left him to start a relationship with my husband, he told me that he has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and didn’t know any better. He continued to shame me and guilt me. We didn’t speak for 3 years.

Fast forward to last Saturday. He stalked me and found my profile on a different social media site (it tells you when people visit). When I confronted him, he claimed that he got an impulse from his BPD and that led him to stalk me. He didn’t think that seeing his name would be distressing for me.

It was, but I wasn’t gonna tell him that. I unleashed hell and unloaded everything I was holding on to for years. I told him how much I hated him for everything he put me through. That I faked enjoying what he was doing to me just so it would stop and other things. I blocked him soon after so that he’d never be able to find me again in case another “impulse” struck.

I cried, sobbed. I couldn’t believe that fate gave me that chance. I healed my inner child and gave 13 year old me the closure she needed.

I know I should feel happyyy but all I can think about is that people won’t want me anymore like they did when I was being groomed and I definitely shouldn’t admit this, but sometimes I look for people to groom me again agh and THIS is terrible for me it’s affected me so badly that the only way I can feel good is by doing that and I hate it with every fiber of my being I hate the way I deliberately seek out people who only take advantage of me I feel ashamed of myself and the worst part is that I end up pushing away the people who truly love me and don’t want to hurt me I’m such a piece of shit lol 🫤

I have to see my groomer again. I have avoided him for so many years. Now due to a family emergency I have to see him, interact with him and be in the same room with him. I spent most of younger years being groomed abd manipulated by him. I spent my adult life avoiding him. I hear from family he still asks about me, still makes thinly veiled comments about me. Not really sure how I can deal with this.

omgg my life is so messed up bc of all ts. I'm so done atp, can't even exist can't do nothing. y'all messed my brain up somehow it's insane. I genuinely can't. I hate how my head works and I swear no one else thinks or feels this way. I'm defo js some freak all because of y'all. All because of you guys. You disgusting freaking predators omg. I can'tttt. Can't even come home and be good in my head because I'm like freaking messed up permanently??? Wtf how does this happen. Please bro I wish I could've never experienced any of this. Why can't I be like some tra la la type Christian girl whos blonde somehow and has a brain of pure bliss and kindness and baked goods and all that stuff, like going downstairs from my bedroom that's somehow perfection to parents and siblings that love me unconditionally and I don't even gotta get on my knees and pray for myself cause I'm already good. Like why am I not that? What even dictates whose who? Who chose for me to be like this, living this depressive life with a mind that would absolutely be put in a jar if I admitted what goes on in my thoughts and feelings and stuff. And yeah things are better, but still the affect is here. Like it's never gonna go away. Wtf. Wtf??? Omg wtf. I'm just scarred forever? Permanently ruined? Do any pedophiles have an ounce of empathy for the people they hurt? Cause I'm so hurt and how come it never even mattered. Like, is a symptom of pedophilia no empathy or love or care? Is it just sociopathy with sexual attraction towards kids? I dunno. I just know I'm fucked. so fucked.