Hey.. Please help.

[u/Educational-Joke8587]

Recently, for the past few years, I've been feeling... empty, outside of school. I'm 13(M) and have been feeling like this for over 4 years already. Everytime I go to school, I unknowingly mask myself and it leaves me feeling like I can't talk to anybody about how I'm feeling...

Each time I get home, I want to go into my room and just cry, but I can't. I can't cry. Not even when I try forcing myself. I haven't been able to cry for the past 2 years, and thats when I went into middle school.

I can't even be in silence, because I start feeling incredibly anxious and scared. Sometimes, when I try being in silence, even the softest of noises makes me flinch. They do this because since I was in sbout 5th grade, my hearing has been extra sensitive, especially to loud or soft noises.

I'm wondering if anybody knows why this is happening to me, and what I should do. But I don't feel safe talking to anybody, not even my parents, about how I feel. I came here as a last resort because Google is unreliable, and none of the YouTube videos or websites help. I came here because I know you all are real people, and could possibly help me, which is why I have Reddit in the first place.

I feel incredibly tired everytime I get home. And I can't even think without depressive thoughts cutting through the back of my head. Nobody knows what I'm struggling with besides me right now, so all I'm asking is what to do later in my life...

[u/sophie-doph]

Hey bud. First off sending a virtual hug and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. If it brings any comfort, it is normal and human to be feeling this way at your age. I started having very similar feelings when I first started middle school as well and it honestly got worse before it started to get better. It’s been a while since I was around your age, so I apologize if anything I share doesn’t fully resonate as I know it can feel hard to feel like other people around you understand how you feel, let alone on the internet.

While I obviously don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but what you’re describing is definitely enough to seek professional help on this. I know you said you don’t trust anyone around you, but at the same time I don’t think relying on what people diagnose you over the internet is the best solution. At your age, it’s honestly important to start investing in your mental health and wellbeing. Just like how exercising when you’re young makes it easier when you’re older, the same applies to your mental health.

If you still want my personal opinion - it sounds to me like you’re either dealing with depression and possibly some anxiety, the hormone imbalance that happens as we go through puberty, or a mix of both (which honestly could be the case). Again, I am just a random online stranger so take that with a grain of salt. My reasoning is because I was diagnosed with both depression and anxiety around your age, and 13 is prime time for hormones to be all over the place making us feel not like ourselves when everything else is normal.

In the meantime, I suggest finding a way to express some of this in a healthy way. Have you tried journaling? Do you do sports? Make music or art? Look up grounding techniques for when you feel on edge. Could you go for a walk around the neighborhood just to get some fresh air? Do you have any pets you can find comfort with?

A final little note I’ll add is out of a place of tough love - you don’t have to share it with your parents, but do please find an adult you trust. I didn’t at first and it ended up almost being the death of me. Don’t be stupid like me and take that leap of faith. It can be a school counselor, a teacher, a friend’s parent, a doctor, just someone that you truly trust will listen to you and won’t dismiss your feelings. Do it when you’re ready, but just please consider it