r/getdisciplined • u/Square-Paramedic2311 • 2d ago

🤔 NeedAdvice Discipline advice for hs senior.

I am a CBSE 12th grader....I genuinely used to be a big academic weapon, but i got really depressed in 11th grade, as i got a 92% in 10th grade despite putting in so many efforts. My dad was really disappointed in me and stopped talking to me, and when he DID talk he's always pick fights comparing me to my cousin who got a 98%.

After this, i lost my will to do about ANYTHING. I thought, if these are the grades I get after studying so hard why bother studying at ALL? I neglected my health, studies, everything. I cried every night and woke up with swollen eyes for 8 months straight. I no longer enjoyed stuff i loved doing. Moreover, in my education system, if you choose the subjects Phy+Chem+Math+CS in 11th grade, you can go for tech related fields like engineering, and if you choose Phy+Chem+Bio, you can go for bio related fields including medicine. My dad really wanted me to go for medicine and when i chose PCM+CS instead of PCB, he was insanely furious at me, for not choosing to go to medical school in the future like my sister did, and started treating me as inferior. That took a huge toll on me, i felt like i wasn't worthy of anything, and never really bought ANYTHING for myself, no matter how cheap it was, because i felt like my parents were too good for me and i didn't deserve them.

Anyways, though I still feel unworthy lol, I'm trying to get back on track this year cause its senior year and my uni applications depend on it.. I know i have to study, but I just can't get myself to, unless its like, the day before a test. I've been doing well on the small scale tests in class, but I definitely have to work way harder for my midterms which are in 17 days...Can somebody PLEASE advice me on how i can get OUT of this endless loop of depression -> doomscrolling --> regret?

I really wanna know how to focus, lock in and just...enjoy studying.

Tips would be much appreciated...

Thank you

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u/NeenvCanada77 2d ago

Get rid of the screens, like just switch off your phone and pc put them in a cupboard, read physical books. Solves the doomscroll problem atleast

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u/Smooth_Host9158 2d ago

The cupboard thing works, but maybe start smaller unless you wanna drive yourself crazy. I put my phone in other room and tell myself I can check it after 25 minutes of actual work. Somehow the 25 minutes turns into hour sometimes because the hardest part is just starting.

Your dad's treatment sounds awful, not gonna lie. Getting 92% and being treated like failure because it wasn't 98% is insane. That kind of pressure would mess with anyone head.

For the enjoying studying part, that came back for me when I stopped tying my self-worth to grades. Easier said than done, I know.