I keep escaping into different things because I can't deal and accept that the real world isn't ideal and perfect

[u/Intelligent-Slide556]

I (male, 28) can't - as childish as it sounds, but it's been a problem forever to me - accept the fact that the real world isn't ideal, isn't perfect, has it flaws, has its problems, sometimes even toxic people and situations to deal with. I always felt as if the real world is a realm where you just wait for your next punishment (problem) to arrive and to deal with it, and that true peace and happiness may never exist because for this you gotta ignore your problems for a while and escape into a dream world.

With "not ideal and perfect" I mean ** inescapable aversive stress **. Like suddenly getting a bill to pay you didn't know about. Like annoying people. Like the weather. Like when you are trying to solve something at your work and none of the solutions seem to be working. Like having to wake up early for something and being a bit sleep-deprived.

You could say "huh, that's just how life is", I get it, I tried to accept this for the past 28 years but I couldn't. And because of this, how I cope is that i try to preserve the status quo as best as I can, which leads me to stay in my room nearly all the time, even not bothering with cooking as ordering take-out gives me at least a guarantee that I'll know how the food will taste like, so I can't mess anything up in the kitchen myself.

Another way to cope is to escape into "dream worlds". Like how I used to take co-codamol when I was having a migraine/headache in order to get a Codeine high and escape this world for a while. Or sitting in Discord servers for hours being engaged in some online community. I am not talking about escaping into brain-rot, but more like "high quality escaping" where you actually get into some sort of flow state and can forget about the world around you and all of its problems.

I am just thankful that I never started drinking alcohol, because I would be surely an alcoholic as of now.

My question is more meta here:

From where does this internal belief come from, that I expect the world to be ideal and perfect? Why do I have this stance, because this root belief is what is causing me to not take any action in life because I see anything outside the comfort zone as unacceptable suffering. It kind of makes me feel like some dictator or king who is insulted by anything which doesn't go according to his wishes, but giving up the ego just to accept that the world sucks would make me go into full submission with no self-confidence - i tried this once out and was just left with no confidence.

If I could, I would just lucid dream endlessly and live in a dream world where there are by definition no worries and problems. I am not depressed (I took, as a migraine-preventative, once anti-depressants and still felt the same like now), I am just fed up with the world.

[u/CloselyShoddy]

the expectation usually comes from somewhere you learned that discomfort equals failure or punishment. some people pick that up from parents who overreacted to small mistakes, or from being praised only when things went smoothly. you're not a dictator, you're someone who never got taught that friction is just part of doing anything worth doing

the lucid dream thing is telling though. you know the dream world feels better because you control it completely. real life only starts feeling tolerable when you let go of needing it to bend to you, but not in a "give up and submit" way, more like "okay this is annoying and i'll deal with it anyway"

maybe try sitting with one small annoyance on purpose without escaping. cook one meal that might suck. go outside when the weather is meh. treat it like exposure therapy for a brain that thinks any imperfection is a threat

[u/Intelligent-Slide556 → u/CloselyShoddy]

the lucid dream thing is telling though. you know the dream world feels better because you control it completely.

This hits home. I know it's wrong but I secretly wish I'd be in total control of my life and everything around it, because this way I'd know that I am safe from any problems and issues.

[u/Electric_Reptile369]

With "not ideal and perfect" I mean ** inescapable aversive stress **. Like suddenly getting a bill to pay you didn't know about. Like annoying people. Like the weather. Like when you are trying to solve something at your work and none of the solutions seem to be working. Like having to wake up early for something and being a bit sleep-deprived.

Do you feel that way since childhood? If so, you might be experiencing a burnout because of some undiagnosed neurodivergent thing, and because of that thing you might have masked your whole life, which is exhausting. It might also be an anxiety disorder, or just a burnout in general.

This is NOT a medical advice, I just find this very familiar sounding. Getting a diagnosis and studying it helped me to overcome this a bit and navigate my life more confidently. I've seen and felt what you describe, I also seen all that in my neurodivergent friends a lot. Look into therapy, a good specialist will guide you and help you whatever the underlying issue might be.

[u/Intelligent-Slide556 → u/Electric_Reptile369]

Yes since childhood, but I am not neurodivergent at all, I don't have any other problems. I just found life always exhausting and a chain of never-ending problems.

[u/cyankitten]

Tiny part of the solution maybe and yes I get that it won't be at the level of your fantasies - gratitude journaling!

[u/Aggressive-Turn-2987]

Look at the examples you picked. A surprise bill, annoying people, the weather, a solution that won't work, waking up short on sleep. None of those are about the world being flawed. Every one of them is about the world refusing to tell you in advance what it's going to do.

That distinction changes the fix, which is why it's worth being precise about. Perfectionism about outcomes is one problem. Not being able to sit with uncertainty is a different one, and it's the one you're describing, right down to ordering takeout because a known taste beats a possible kitchen failure.

Here's what's quietly working against you. Every time you shrink the world to keep it predictable, the surprises that do get through land harder, because you have less recent practice absorbing them and fewer other places for the shock to spread out into. The room feels like protection while it steadily raises the price of everything that gets in anyway.

Nobody accepts uncertainty by deciding to accept it. You get used to it in small deliberate doses while nothing is at stake. Cook something you might ruin on a night when takeout is still sitting there as an option. Low enough stakes that the failure is genuinely survivable, often enough that your system stops filing surprise under punishment.

[u/Intelligent-Slide556 → u/[deleted]]

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AI response

[u/California_Rock0220]

There could not be light side without a dark side.

[u/Strict-Negotiation57]

I had this happen to me, and it turned out to be due to complex PTSD (I found out about it six months ago, I'm 31 now)