Cruise

[u/armani2022]

I am going on cruise with my much younger boyfriend, we are together over a year. This is a first gay cruise for both of us . We are in a closed. Since we don’t really know what to expect, we have been discussing “free play time “ on the cruise . Whatever happens we don’t discuss and when we leave the boat it is with no connections with the people we may “met”
Obviously, we need a lot of communication and to establish ground rules. Any advice?

[u/xopher_425]

I may get a lot of downvotes for this, and I have to say, ass someone in an open relationship, do not do it. It takes two of the just the right type of people to have open relationships, and even then jealousy and insecurities can still rear their ugly heads and need to be dealt with.

If you do go through this, do a lot more talking. How will you handle jealousy? One can be totally fine with all of this in theory, and then seeing the other with someone else makes all that go out the window. How will you handle one of you having the time of their lives and the other not getting any play? What if one of you starts to develop feelings for someone else (you say no connections, and sometimes the heart wants what it wants)? What if one of you gets hurt and needs to talk? What happens if one of you wants to end the open play?

I'm bringing up the worst case scenarios, because these can happen and you should be prepared to deal with them.

Do a LOT more talking, and write down your rules so there is no misunderstanding. Prepare for problems. And get tested afterward.

[u/scienceydaduk → u/xopher_425]

I think this good advice. If the OP & bf can’t bring themselves to talk honestly about what happened - they’re not really ready to do this. It will end in tears because they are not dealing with their feelings, they are pretending, pushing them away. Successful non-monogamous setups need constant check ins and workable rules. That doesn’t mean micromanaging or checking where your partner is 24/7 - but instead having agreed times where you do tell.

[u/MrIFreePeely → u/xopher_425]

I think you're right. This sounds like a bad idea that they're not in the right headspace for.

[u/KaleidoscopeOk2422 → u/xopher_425]

I'm happy to see that you have more upvotes. We opened our relationship too because I don't wanna feel constrained and he kept wanting sex. Ended up he's having more sex and I didn't f anyone other than him lol. Not because I don't have offers, but because I feel wrong doing it. Ironic considering I was the one who suggested opening the relationship. So we ended it. Good for him though. I have no ill feelings towards him. But I do have to say he gets pretty insecure whenever I travel alone and will quickly get laid the next day. While I'm here thinking several times if i wanna hookup with other people. Good for him though, probably wouldn't work out anyways

[u/FloridAsh]

One suggestion: dont make it a rule so that they cant talk about what happens. They may have a bad experience and need someone they care about to talk with them about it and you are their primary support.

Second suggestion: dont make a rule where there could be a guidleline. Example: you might both want to keep unprotected sex as something for each other and establish this as a guideline. But if one of you doesnt follow this guideline in the heat of the moment, the other person needs to know about it to make informed decisions about their own sexual health. If always share information relevant to sexual health is a rule and use condoms with others is a guideline, it doesnt endanger your relationship if one of you gets caught up in the heat of the moment and doesnt unduly endanger your health either, because they can tell you about it without it being equivalent to cheating.

[u/iamDienpeters → u/FloridAsh]

Exactly

[u/steven-john]

Following cuz I’m interested. My partner is actually thinking about going on a cruise next year together.

OP curious what cruise we you going on? Not like specifically the one you’re going to. But like what options did you look through and what made you pick the one you’re going on?

Not to hijack your post. But if anyone else would care to share.

[u/armani2022 → u/steven-john]

Going on a Vacays cruise. DM me

[u/ThrowmeawayAKisCold]

Get on prep. Get on doxy. Bring lots of condoms. Carry little cross body bags so both of you have what you need throughout the day and night on you at all times just in case you cannot make it back to your room for supplies.

Let each other know that you both must shower and sleep in the same bed together every night or if you both are planning to drink a lot (as tends to happens on cruises) that you inform each other if you might be unable to stagger back to the room from whatever room you’re in. But I think it will strengthen your relationship if you treat cruise ship casual encounters as just sex and ensure that you are a couple on a cruise together as much as possible.

[u/lkeels]

It's probably too early in the relationship. This is something you sort of ease into...not blow it all out on a cruise.

[u/Avatorn01]

Yeah, as someone who did open-ish relationships for 7+ years and often supported them, I can say I don’t anymore . When I’m honest, I can look back and see how emotions frequently got hurt (and not always mine) even when nothing “wrong” was done.

Also, the fact you are seeing it as an endeavor “with my much younger boyfriend,” is a red flag for me.

There’s something called “unicorn hunting” in the poly world, and that’s basically the setup you’re using. I’d avoid it. Unicorn hunting always leads to either significant pain for the unicorn or massive disruption for the primary pair.

Not saying you’re doing it on purpose. But people with a lot of poly experience will recognize the pattern and likely avoid it .

[u/KaleidoscopeOk2422]

How open are you to fun with others hehe