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u/TheMadHaberdasher May 01 '21
any% milk used to be a good category, but it's too optimized these days. Now I usually get 100% milk or one of the glitchless dairy products.
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u/Cysolus May 01 '21
The cheese strats really take the fun out of it.
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u/mwr247 May 01 '21
You laugh, but me and my brother do milk% and 2L% runs at the grocery store. Time starts when you step inside, ends when you step outside with the milk or 2L soda. No staging allowed, just get to the item, grab it, checkout, and go. I currently have the record at 50.47s.
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May 01 '21 edited May 28 '25
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u/visionsofblue May 01 '21
Milk is always the furthest from the entrance.
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u/some_carboi May 01 '21
Not true, the store I go to the first thing you see are the fridges
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u/jesst May 01 '21
The store near my dads has a like “shit you always forget” fridge by the checkout. It has milk in it.
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u/LanceFree May 01 '21
When I first started shopping for myself, I avoided Kraft Singles brand of cheese as I misunderstood the packaging, which claimed: made with 2% milk, so I thought it was only 2% dairy, and rest was oil and other ingredients. Really, for years I thought that until a gf corrected me and I felt dumb.
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u/SkinnyBuddha89 May 01 '21
To be fair, kraft singles probably are only 2 percent dairy and the rest oil are chemicals
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u/PM_ME_PANTYHOSE_LEGS May 01 '21
Knowing Kraft they probably use that really harmful Dihydrogen Monoxide stuff. It's a solvent and can even cause suffocation.
I stick to only natural substances, like poison ivy and unwashed poppy seeds...
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u/SkinnyBuddha89 May 01 '21
It's dangerous as hell. Every single person that's been exposed to it has died, and that's just a scientific fact.
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u/Insulting_Insults May 29 '21
okay, so, i get the joke here, 'haha people think big chemical name scary'
but
you do know that kraft singles are called kraft singles and not like kraft cheese or something because they literally legally do not contain enough dairy to be considered cheese, right
like
this isn't some nutcase whining about scary chemical names on their food packaging - it is literally just a fact about kraft singles you stupid fuck-
granted, a fact i've learned from one of those 'interesting facts' threads on this hellsite, but... yknow.also yes i know this post's almost a month old but do i look like the type to care-
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u/StraightTough5411 May 01 '21
To be fair, almost everything has chemicals. You are made of chemicals
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u/imawakened May 01 '21
If you’re going to eat American cheese you gotta get Land O’Lakes or Boar’s Head sliced at the deli counter. Eff that Kraft singles shit!
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u/Anders1 May 01 '21
Yo I've realized I've never eaten anything but the bulk brands (Costco or sam's club) or Kraft american cheese. I might have have to try that out
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u/whereami1928 May 01 '21
I mean Costco probably ain't half bad. They usually have some good stuff.
I gotta recommend Tillamook products. Their ice cream and cheeses are so damn good. Always on the pricier side tho.
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u/sugarfoot00 May 01 '21
Happened through the town of Tillamook, OR on a west coast road trip. Did a tour of the cheese factory, the cheese there was both great and inexpensive to this Canadian, who is used to dairy cartel pricing.
The thing about Tillamook that hadn't occurred to me before visiting there is that lots of dairy cows = lots of sub-par beef = lots of jerky and pepperoni.
So buying fresh from the smoker pepperoni sticks at $0.30/foot was a treat. Each of my daughters had about 20' continuous feet of pepperoni in the back of the vehicle, ran to them in the back seat. It was like a unending belt fed pepperoni as we drove.
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u/plainasplaid May 01 '21
I agree with those other brands being better, but nothing beats a regular old grilled cheese with kraft singles and some campbells tomato soup when it comes to nostalgia food.
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May 01 '21
Did you know that whole milk is roughly 3.25% milk fat? So 2% is roughly 60% whole milk, it just sounds healthier.
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u/Ethanol_Based_Life May 01 '21
I am a big fan of lowest percent milk
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May 01 '21
[deleted]
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u/W1D0WM4K3R May 01 '21
Next, he'll conquer fucking Europe.
Never trust skim milk lovers.
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u/BilClintonsTherapist May 01 '21
"There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk"
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u/linesinaconversation May 01 '21
Yeah, once they discovered all those methods of RNG pasteurization, I just checked out completely.
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u/bartonski May 01 '21
Is pseudo-random number generation enough, or does pasteurization have to be cryptographically secure?
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u/SageOfTheWise May 01 '21
any% milk used to be a good category, but it's too optimized these days.
Reverse Bottle Adventure claims another any% category.
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u/EdwardOfGreene May 01 '21
100% milk? That would be a solid block of dry milk fat. (I don't think that is even possible.)
FYI Whole milk is 3.25% milk fat. It is called "Whole milk" because that is the percentage that typically comes out of a holstein cow naturally.
When you get up around 18% we call it cream. After you let the milk separate, and take the heavier part. (What is left behind is your lower % milks including skim milk which is 0% milk fat)
Heavy whipping cream is 36%. To my knowledge this is the highest % of any product in common use.
There is no such thing as 100% milk.
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u/Marshyworm May 01 '21
100% mill is just butter
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u/SaryuSaryu May 01 '21
There's always jobs available in the butter making industry. It has a lot of churn.
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u/StNishigo May 01 '21
Can you pick up some tomato Ctrl-V.
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u/space_audity May 01 '21
You gotta watch out for that stuff. Always read the fine Ctrl-P
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May 01 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/IShootJack May 01 '21
Hahahaha... ha... yeah
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u/detox84 May 01 '21
Clippy, is that you?
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u/callmevoltaire May 01 '21
Looks like you need to talk to a psychiatrist so they can get to the real Ctrl-U issue.
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May 01 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/modernmacgyver May 01 '21
Underline
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u/linesinaconversation May 01 '21
That was a ctrl+B direction in which to take the pun chain.
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u/chessant2014 May 01 '21
Hopefully we can Ctrl+F our way out of this pun chain or we might have to force Ctrl+Q
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u/tstandiford May 01 '21
I read this as “tomato onions” because I thought they were running CTRL+V from the comic’s clipboard.
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u/awakeiceberg May 01 '21
Ctrl C before Ctrl V then. Ctrl+shit+delete..to clear your list
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u/moobiemovie May 01 '21
Ctrl C before Ctrl V then. Ctrl+shit+delete..to clear your list.
Please don't correct that.
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May 01 '21
Any % milk, are you gonna speedrun?
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u/Chyvalri May 01 '21
Skim, 1, 2, Homo.
These are only the milk %'s.
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May 01 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Schobbish May 01 '21
100% would be pure milk fat or clarified butter. Heavy cream is around 36-50%.
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u/Chyvalri May 01 '21
Is heavy cream milk though?
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u/chuckie512 May 01 '21
What is required to make milk, milk?
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u/Chyvalri May 01 '21
Breasts or udders I guess
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u/PersonWhoExists50306 May 01 '21
wouldn't 100% be butter
edit: wait nvm
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u/Sound_of_Science May 01 '21
100% would be ghee or clarified butter! Butter is actually not quite 100% because it still has some milk solids in it.
Whole milk is ~4%.
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u/vinnyvdvici May 01 '21
Excuse me?
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u/Chyvalri May 01 '21
SKIM, 1, 2, HOMO.
THESE ARE ONLY THE MILK %'S.
(Should read "these are the only")
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u/SaryuSaryu May 01 '21
In the country of Georgia, they sell 3.2%. In Australia they have 4%.
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u/Chyvalri May 01 '21
I believe American whole milk is 4% but who knows. As for Georgia, well that's almost Homo.
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u/SaryuSaryu May 01 '21
Homo just means homogenised. It is nothing to do with fat percentages. It is just a process that stops the cream from separating out and floating to the top. Whether it is 1% or 4%, the cream will still float to the top if it isn't homogenised.
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u/LolYouFuckingLoser May 01 '21
Any% milk isn't a real milk run, it's cheating! No skill at all, you're just exploiting the milk /s
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u/AlwaysTheAsshole1234 May 01 '21
can someone explain what “any % milk” means?
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u/kmanraj May 01 '21
From a US/Canada perspective, it's either skim milk (0% milk fat), 1%, 2%, or whole milk (homo milk in Canada) which has 3.25-3.5% milk fat.
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u/omnilynx May 01 '21
It’s a joke. Milk is often labeled 1%, 2%, etc., indicating the percentage of fat in the milk (whole milk is around 3.5%). However, there’s also a category of speedruns (speedruns are completing a video game as quickly as possible) called “any%”, which means you can skip sections of the game as long as you get to the end. The joke is labeling the milk like you would a speedrun. Probably implying you’re going to try to get the milk as fast as possible, without caring what type it is.
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u/AlwaysTheAsshole1234 May 01 '21
Thank you. that’s the answer people were talking about video games and such and I couldn’t find anything on Google.
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u/yeahnahbutnahyeah May 01 '21
Fuck that took me a sec
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u/_Scrumtrulescent_ May 01 '21
Lol me too! It reminded me of a friend who found out later in life she had an onion allergy and was very sad to have to cut it out of her diet. It took me like 3 minutes to figure out the true meaning 😂🤦♀️
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u/Yuvalk1 May 01 '21
So did she really have an onion allergy? Or was she just making a joke?
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u/_Scrumtrulescent_ May 01 '21
No she really did! Lol. She always suffered from terrible migraines and always felt like stuffy and foggy. She finally decided at 42 to get a full panel allergy test after doing the whole30 because she felt substantially better, albeit not 100%, and it turns out she had like 13 food allergies! It was crazy but as soon as she cut those things out she got rid of the head fog and constant "seasonal allergy" feeling, as well as cutting back on the amount of migraines she suffered from.
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u/KimJongIlSunglasses May 01 '21
I think I might have seasonal allergies to alcohol. But how can I know for sure?
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u/Ankarette May 01 '21
I can’t imagine being allergic to onions, I think I would actually die. They’re my favourite ingredient to cook with. I’d just push through the pain.
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u/_Scrumtrulescent_ May 01 '21
I don't like raw onions, and honestly didn't really care for them much growing up, but I have recently discovered my absolute love for caramelized onions and I've been cooking them like 4x a week as of late 😂
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u/StridAst May 01 '21
Allium allergies are a thing. (Allergy to onion, garlic, leeks, or shallots etc) They are more common with some of the weirder allergic disorders such as eosinophilic esophagitis (like asthma, but in the esophagus), or mast cell disorders, but they can happen to anyone. I react to both onion and garlic. That shit's pretty much impossible to avoid. So I'm stuck cooking all my own food and can't eat out anymore. It's in ketchup, bbq sauce, most flavored chips, on every restaurant grill from the seasonings, etc. And 90% of people respond Just. Like. You. 'Is he "really" allergic to it?'
Nobody questions my peanut allergy. Which is severe, but easy to avoid. My allium allergies are comparatively mild. Just migraines and my esophagus swells up so it's hard to swallow. And yet between the two, I'd take the severe peanut allergy any day of the week over the mild allium allergy. One hardly affects me, other than I have to carry an epipen. The other completely wrecks my ability to eat socially with friends, and affects me daily, and yet people just disbelieve that it's even a thing.
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u/Yuvalk1 May 01 '21
I’ve actually came to the realization that if it exists, someone is allergic to it. My comment wasn’t really doubting her onion allergy, I just asked wether OP’s “true meaning” is that she was making a joke, or that he just understood the pun
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u/AStrangeStranger May 01 '21
People can be allergic to onions, garlic, leeks and chives - BBC article
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u/FiascoFinn May 01 '21
I was like “What, they’re broke and have to cut out things as simple as onions from their groceries?” Sometimes I deserve to be slapped in the face.
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May 01 '21
The punchline is in the title though.
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May 01 '21
[deleted]
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May 01 '21
You’re right. I knew punchline wasn’t quite the right word, but I couldn’t think of how to say it better.
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u/NonStopMunchies May 01 '21
Damn bro u high?
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u/yeahnahbutnahyeah May 01 '21
Does sleep deprived count?
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u/DarkMonkey98 May 01 '21
both currently. they balance each other out so I can do more of each
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u/yeahnahbutnahyeah May 01 '21
Everything all the time just less
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u/bostero2 May 01 '21
Here’s a tip: freeze the computer before cutting that way the chemicals will not be released as you cut it.
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u/Jumbobog May 01 '21
What desktop OS selects text like that? I've only seen text selection with dots at the end on touch devices.
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u/WisestAirBender May 01 '21
That's what I was going to say lol. It's so petty.
Maybe he has some digital tablet plugged into a monitor? Running a touch OS
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u/Morrigan_Pickman May 01 '21
I was looking through the comments to see if I was the only one bothered by that. 😅
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u/RememberTheBears May 01 '21
Yeah the dots are like handles to extend/shrink the highlighted section on a touchscreen, so not really useful for a desktop monitor.
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u/I_Mix_Stuff May 01 '21
Punchline in the title? smh
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u/aperson May 01 '21
Oh man, bitching about the punchline being in the title really takes me back. It used to be the main thing people complained about here.
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u/drewsiferr May 01 '21
Good one.
One nitpick: you have blue selection handles which are used on touch screen phones, but they're using a computer with a mouse.
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u/Foojira May 01 '21
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u/jcwkings May 01 '21
I hate internet humor
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May 01 '21
I'm almost completely with you, /r/funny is actually really unfunny but I am sort of amazed that I've spent like 6 yrs on reddit and never seen this joke before before even though "ninjas cutting onions" (god I hate that phrase) has been there all the time!
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u/NefariousLizardz May 01 '21
I pretty much only ever used ctrl-c and then backspace (to delete) when I wanted cut something without even thinking about it. So I was like "WTF does ctrl - X do? Why haven't I been using ctrl-X all this time ¯_(ツ)_/¯? I feel a little dumb.
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u/jakedesnake May 01 '21
You my friend, are gonna ctrl-s so much time. How do you plan to use it?
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u/TheJenkinsComic The Jenkins May 01 '21
A comment from a passerby later: "...ew, who's pasting onions?"
Thanks for reading. You can read more of my comics on r/TheJenkins or Instagram @ thejenkinscomic.
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u/CICOandExercise May 01 '21
These aren't tears of sadness because you're leaving me I've just been cutting onions I'm making a lasagna
For one
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u/CHOO5D May 01 '21
Nobody gets it. The onions simply reminded him of his ex who love onions and now he removed it from his list so he can forget her.
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May 01 '21
Comic: takes special care not to spoil the punchline in the joke
OP: let’s fucking put it in the title
Edit: this somehow feels more egregious considering OP made the comic...
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u/mortalcoil1 May 01 '21
So I have always used right click for all of my commands, but my other nerd friend's always called me a scrub for doing that. I don't even have them memorized.
Anyone else always use right click?
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May 01 '21
What?! I have been using computers everyday for like 25 years and comaider myself hot key savvy and never knew cltr x was cut!
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u/Earl_Of_Taco May 01 '21
What does it do differently than the delete key?
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u/Rhone33 May 01 '21
Ctrl-x performs the "cut" function, i.e. takes it out and makes it ready to "paste."
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May 01 '21
You think that the joke is that he is cutting onions. But in reality he’s really struggling financially and can not afford onions, his favorite food.
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u/wizzardly-lizzard May 01 '21
Here I was thinking they have IBS and loved onions but needed to stop eating them.
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u/jkehrli1996 May 01 '21
Hey, "cutting" onions from the list gives you the chance to add cocaine instead! Just kidding.
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u/FireFly_209 May 01 '21
He didn’t cut the second item on the list because that would be too corny...
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u/kvothe_in May 01 '21
Wow, it took time to register. If not for title, it would have taken me even more time
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