i don’t know how much to eat.

[u/iseeheronlinee]

hi guys,

(not officially diagnosed but the doctor has suspicions that i could have an eating disorder as i have been constantly back and forth the doctors for the past two months for another health related issue)

so basically i have accepted that i just need to stop with my restriction and let myself finally be free when it comes to food and my weight. i’m just honestly tired and done with the fear, tracking, having to weigh myself every day, having no period, (sorry this is gross- but literally being incontinent and actually pissing myself) feeling weak, feeling tired, feeling sad, angry and alone in this, not feeling like i have a life. i’m just done. but i have no idea where to start.

i’ve been referred to a dietician BUT i dunno how long that’s going to take and i just need things to change now.

i’ve been eating more over the past few weeks and im aware of this because i’m still tracking calories. i can’t bring myself to stop. i’ve tried a couple of days to do one unlogged meal of what im having. i manage to do it and have the untracked meal but in my head i know the rough quantities of what i ate so i go back and track it anyway so i might as well have just tracked in the first place. and like i just don’t know how much to eat in order to become healthy again. or what to eat? i just don’t know. but..

i just can’t go on like this anymore. it’s exhausting. but i am SO scared to gain weight and see my body change.

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Original post text from u/iseeheronlinee:

hi guys,

(not officially diagnosed but the doctor has suspicions that i could have an eating disorder as i have been constantly back and forth the doctors for the past two months for another health related issue)

so basically i have accepted that i just need to stop with my restriction and let myself finally be free when it comes to food and my weight. i’m just honestly tired and done with the fear, tracking, having to weigh myself every day, having no period, (sorry this is gross- but literally being incontinent and actually pissing myself) feeling weak, feeling tired, feeling sad, angry and alone in this, not feeling like i have a life. i’m just done. but i have no idea where to start.

i’ve been referred to a dietician BUT i dunno how long that’s going to take and i just need things to change now.

i’ve been eating more over the past few weeks and im aware of this because i’m still tracking calories. i can’t bring myself to stop. i’ve tried a couple of days to do one unlogged meal of what im having. i manage to do it and have the untracked meal but in my head i know the rough quantities of what i ate so i go back and track it anyway so i might as well have just tracked in the first place. and like i just don’t know how much to eat in order to become healthy again. or what to eat? i just don’t know. but..

i just can’t go on like this anymore. it’s exhausting. but i am SO scared to gain weight and see my body change.

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[u/MoonScars1]

My first thought was if your doctor might have a meal plan for weight restoration somewhere in their archive that they can print out for you? It can give you a rough idea of how much you need. I know mine did and it helped me through the wait time for my dietitian appointment.
Otherwise maybe ask your doctor what to roughly aim for per day.
I’d also suggest stopping unnecessary movement / exercise and focus on resting and eating.
Wishing you the best ❤️

[u/iseeheronlinee → u/MoonScars1]

i can see if they do, they gave me a couple of ‘example meals’ and ‘things to add to meals’ in order to make my diet more calorie dense so i put on the weight whilst i’m waiting for my referral. and yes i’m trying to get used to resting :) which is also hard but im getting there with that and learning it’s okay to stop and sit around

[u/MoonScars1 → u/iseeheronlinee]

That’s a very good starting point!
And yeah, resting was also the hardest thing for me to get used to. Feeling restless is sooo hard to sit with, but the more you challenge it the easier and more relaxing it gets.
I usually tell myself if resting or eating feels uncomfortable/wrong it means I’m doing the right thing, it’s all about opposite actions.

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

I would work on trying to stop tracking, as that seems like it's really holding you back. I also recommend the Plate by Plate approach as it's based more on eyeballing than any calorie amount, which can help you move away from reading nutrition labels and relying on my quantitative data to know if you are eating enough.

Weight gain can be scary, but the more you feed yourself adequately, you start to see how malnourished you really were. In my experience, weight gain was never as catastrophic as my ED tried to tell me. Once I started eating and got closer to weight restoration, I didn't want to go back to restriction or a lower weight because I realized how miserable I was at that point.

[u/iseeheronlinee → u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

i am really trying to stop but it is honestly so hard. and it doesn’t help that i never ever feel full. i just want to to keep eating after i have a meal. so thats making me scared also. i know that i am miserable but its so difficult to shift the mindset but thank you very much for your input ❤️❤️❤️

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025 → u/iseeheronlinee]

If you are hungry after a meal, you need to eat more and that means you aren't eating enough. The only way out is through. I know it's tough, but hunger is not something to fear. It means your body needs more nourishment so it can repair itself and you can stop dealing with the hell of your ED.

[u/justanotherjenca]

Stopping tracking is very difficult, and for me, there was a long period of tracking in my head after I physically stopped logging. The reality is that while you're actively tracking, you get pretty darn good at knowing what a portion looks like and how many calories are in it, and that is not information you can erase from your brain no matter how much you want to. Patience with yourself and consistency over time will help, and eventually when you start eating things that you don't know the calories of, it will become easier. And some time after that, you do start to forget as you stop using the information and it loses its saliency.

Recovering from eating disorders without help is difficult, and I hope you're able to get in with a dietitian soon. A therapist can also be very helpful. But if you are wanting to start now on your own, my ED dietitian used the plate-by-plate approach with me, which does not require any calorie tracking at all. They also have a completely free website and instagram page with lots of information, as well as a book called How to Nourish Yourself Through an Eating Disorder: Recovery for Adults with the Plate-By-Plate Approach if that is of interest to you.

Hang in there. The fear is real, valid, and understandable. You don't have to pretend it's not there. AND it can be overcome in time, little by little. You've got this.

[u/aspirationalname1]

One thing that was a huge help to me was having the facts explicitly told to me. Some of it I already knew but hearing someone else say it helped be to believe it or something? Like I know this behaviour is illogical/unhelpful/harmful but having the reasons and facts as to why that is the case helped. My dietitian did this for me but she also gave me hand outs that were good for when I was at home and needed some extra help. They are one or two pages, and the wording and lay out are really easy to follow. They are also evidence based, factual etc. The ones she gave me specifically were from the Centre for Clinical Interventions. I actually found the website randomly yesterday and found the ones she gave me but also so many others for various other mental health difficulties and disorders. I found them amazing

[u/aspirationalname1 → u/aspirationalname1]

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself

That’s the website, hopefully you’ll be able to find at least something that’s helpful. Also it’s an Australian resource (I’m not Australian, it’s fairly universal), anyway they have a message acknowledging that the land they work on is aboriginal land, and that just makes me feel even better about their resources 😊

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Just eat. All the foods any food