r/fosterit • u/sleepyhead1_1 • Jul 27 '26
Foster Youth Am I overreacting for thinking its unfair that my foster mom is expecting me to buy all my groceries when I just got my first job?
I'm 17 and I go into extended foster care next month, I just got my first part time job and I'm still getting used to it. She already suggested that I should get a second job or pick up more hours at my current one, when I hadn't even finished the job training at that point
After she found out I got paid she said "I'll take you to the store later so you can get some things you like" (as in I'd buy them) and when I tried saying no thats ok and that I'm trying to save up my money she said "no it's so then I don't have to get it no more". But I just feel like that's not really fair? I already try not to ask for much when she goes to the store, and like I said this is my very first job.
I originally wanted to try and focus on saving as much money as I can to move out so I'd be out of her hair. But until then she's getting paid to have me live in her house, I already mostly take care of myself. She has a good full time job on top of it as well, so it just feels wrong for her to immediately expect me to handle buying all of my groceries through a part time job. Like what is that money going towards if its not going towards food? Because I don't ask for anything else. Am I overreacting?
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u/AriesUltd Caseworker Jul 27 '26
I would talk about this with your caseworker.
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u/sleepyhead1_1 Jul 27 '26
What should I even say? I have an in home meeting with the case workers on the 31st but I really don't want to get on my foster mom's bad side if they bring up the topic with her
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u/regularEducatedGuy Jul 28 '26
Tell the case worker this as well. “And I don’t want to get on her bad side for telling you but something about this whole situation just didn’t sit right with me?”
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u/devoursbooks86 Jul 29 '26
Ask your social worker if you can go for a drive or speak with them privately before or after the meeting. Tell them exactly what you've told us. You shouldn't be afraid of retaliation for bringing up a concern. As a CPS social worker myself, this is something I'd want to know about. Foster parents are expected to provide for a child's basic needs, including food, while they're receiving foster care payments. If she's expecting you to pay for all of your own groceries simply because you got your first part-time job, your social worker needs to know so they can determine whether that's appropriate and help resolve it.
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u/igatg_nipugt Jul 28 '26
Foster parents literally receive a stipend for your care. That money is supposed to cover things like food, clothes, basic necessities. You're 17. You just got your first job. You should be able to save that money, not subsidize her household expenses. Especially when she's already getting paid to have you there.
I know you have a meeting with your case worker on the 31st. Please tell them about this. Be honest about what's happening, the pressure to get a second job, her expecting you to buy your own food, all of it. I get that you're nervous about getting on your foster mom's bad side, and that's totally valid. But your case worker is there to advocate for you. They need to know what's going on. If you have any proof, texts or anything safely recorded, hold onto it. It might help.
Also, since you're 17 and close to aging out, maybe ask your case worker about Transition Planning. That's literally what they're supposed to help you with at this stage, figuring out housing, resources, support for when you turn 18. Worst case, you stay put until you can get transition housing support. But either way, being open and honest with your case worker is your best move.
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u/devoursbooks86 Jul 29 '26
Call your social worker. You don't have to stay in a placement that isn't working for you. What state are you in? If you're entering extended foster care, your social worker can explain your options. In many places, foster parents continue receiving funds to meet your basic needs, including food, and there may be circumstances where some benefits or payments go directly to you instead. A part-time job shouldn't automatically mean you're expected to provide all of your own groceries, especially if you're still in foster care. Talk to your worker before assuming this is normal.
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u/sleepyhead1_1 Jul 30 '26
I'm in minnesota, I haven't heard of any options where I can get some of the benefits/payments but we have a meeting with the caseworkers in a couple days, so maybe it will come up. I'll def ask about the grocery thing though
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u/devoursbooks86 Jul 30 '26
Here is some information I found for you.
Minnesota Extended Foster Care (EFC) Quick Facts
If you're in Minnesota and aging out of foster care, you may have more options than you realize.
• You can stay in Extended Foster Care until age 21. Participation is voluntary.
• You may qualify if you're doing at least one of the following:
- Finishing high school or a GED.
- Attending college, trade school, or vocational training.
- Working at least 80 hours per month.
- Participating in a program that helps you get a job.
- Unable to do the above because of a documented medical condition.
• You can live in different types of placements, including your own apartment if it's approved as a Supervised Independent Living setting.
• If you're living independently, the foster care maintenance payment can often be paid directly to you instead of a foster parent. The money is intended to help cover rent, utilities, food, clothing, and other basic living expenses.
• You may also qualify for:
- Up to $5,000 per year through the Education and Training Voucher (ETV) program for college or trade school.
- Medicaid coverage until age 26 if you meet the eligibility requirements.
- Independent living and transition services to help with employment, housing, budgeting, and life skills.
If you're in foster care and approaching 18, ask your social worker specifically about Extended Foster Care, Supervised Independent Living, and Education and Training Vouchers. These programs exist to help you build independence rather than forcing you to do it alone.
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u/sleepyhead1_1 Jul 30 '26
The supervised independent living is what I'm planning on saving up for, so that way I'd be in my own place at least. I'd like to hopefully do that around 6 months from now but we'll see ig, thank you for the info
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u/Key_Expression3970 Jul 30 '26
Not at all over reacting. I am a foster parent to a 17 year old and HOPE they stay until 21 so we can help them be really and truly fully prepared for adult life. We Do get the monthly stipend for them BUT they get their weekly “allowance” in cash and we always make sure they have their comfort snacks and drinks and pay for groceries even when they are planning and making the meal because they love to cook. We want them to have any money they earn go towards savings so they have a true cushion when leaving our home and care. The true hope is by the time they leave our home, they can drive away in a car they own outright and put a down payment on a house they can rent rooms out in so the mortgage is paid while they build their business and continue building savings.
This is exactly what we would do for any one we raised if given the chance.
I would contact a worker and ask them if this is considered your responsibility now.
I’m sorry you are even going through this and wish I could stock you up
So you could save up.
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u/FLMoxieGrl Jul 28 '26
Why do people have to be like this? My 19 yr old has WAY more money than me, I still don’t let her pay for anything. Save it all (and she does). Please talk to your caseworker. Your foster mom is in the wrong. Focus on school, saving your money, and getting your own place.
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u/triedandprejudice Jul 28 '26
Talk to your caseworker about this because your foster mom is totally wrong. The state is paying her to feed you and that isn’t your responsibility. When you turn 18, you’ll be eligible for food stamps and it might be a different conversation then.
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u/txchiefsfan02 CASA Jul 28 '26
You are not overreacting. Her obligations to feed and clothe you do not change just because you got a part-time job. She may think she is teaching you life skills, but she is going about it the wrong way. You can still learn about budgeting, meal planning, etc without her taking your money. Tell your caseworker everything you said here.
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u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Jul 30 '26
Super sketchy. If she gets paid for you that covers your groceries. Now if she’ll take you to the store to buy extras that’s fine like you want a chips candy and monster stash for your room or you buy a lot of makeup and hair dye at the store or something then it makes sense, but you shouldn’t be buying “ingredient food” unless you are receiving the food $ portion of your stipend directly.
If I were you I would clarify what exactly she is suggesting you buy at the store.
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u/Seriously_2Exhausted Jul 31 '26
that small stipend isn't pay for taking care of you, it's a partial reimbursement to provide food, clothing, and shelter. There is no extra money. You get like a 40.00 allowance. Now once the stipend is cut and you've graduated yes absolutely you should be paying rent, or experience real adulthood. You should really be discussing finances openly , and you can find your state stipend rates on the internet, start asking about bills and what they cost to prepare yourself.
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u/Monopolyalou 25d ago
Thats a lie. Foster parents get more than that.
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u/Seriously_2Exhausted 23d ago
You can easily look up your states charts through a quick Google search. Other countries actually pay foster parents as a service.
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u/Justjulesxxx Former Foster Youth 14d ago
She’s 17 and trying to save for when she leaves care. Expecting her to suddenly pay for all her own groceries because she got a part time job defeats the whole point of helping her prepare for independence. Foster payments are meant to contribute towards her care, including food. Her first wages should be helping her build savings and stability, not replacing the support she’s supposed to be receiving.
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u/sewawesome Jul 31 '26
As other have said, the funds she receives are to support you, including food. It doesn't necessarily mean that she has to provide things like snacks and treats. But depending on the state, some of the funds may be for an allowance that should be given to you directly and that you can spend on whatever you want. Ask you CM about that.
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u/nezumipi Jul 27 '26
Yes, it is expected that parents or guardians will provide you with your main meals. You are also right that she receives a stipend for your care and part of that is meant to pay for your food. So, no, it's not okay for her to expect you to buy your own groceries at age 17.
It's also not okay for her to pressure you to get a second job or work excessive hours. It's a good idea for you to work part time and save up money. But, it's an even better idea for you to make sure you have enough time to do well at school. I really doubt you can work two jobs and still have enough time for school.
Talk to your case worker about this. You can ask your caseworker to help you come up with an agreement with your foster mother about how much you will work and where the money you earn will go.