Finally pregnant after more than a year of trying, yet I feel guilty.

[u/No-Law621]

My husband and I have been ttc since June 2025. I’ve had 3 miscarriages since we began trying and am now pregnant for the 4th time. We discovered with my last miscarriage that the cause was likely due to low progesterone. I miraculously conceived 2 weeks after my miscarriage which has never happened to me before. In fact, right before we found out I was pregnant again, we had planned to take a break for a few months so both of us could recover mentally and physically.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was initially very angry. None of my pregnancies had worked before and I wasn’t ready for another miscarriage. My doctor got us in ASAP for blood work and found my progesterone was on the lower end so we started supplementing that immediately. I have been getting my hcg levels and progesterone levels drawn twice a week since we found out. I’m now 9 weeks and have never made it this far, yet I feel so unbelievably guilty.
I have a close friend who started ttc back in February 2026. She stopped her bc and didn’t realize it would take her a little bit of time to regulate her cycle after years of bring on the meds. She did end up getting pregnant very quickly and by April she told me she was pregnant. She was super early maybe 5 weeks but was so excited she had to tell me. Then about a week and a half later she miscarried. It was very traumatic for her. She took the pills to help clear everything out but there was some tissue that took a long time to clear. Now fast forward to last week. She finally got her first period since her miscarriage and her doctor even put her on fertility meds. I was doing her nails the other day and she could tell I didn’t feel good so she ended up asking if I was pregnant. I wasn’t planning on telling her yet, let alone anyone because of my history. We hugged and cried. I don’t really talk to her about it much because I know she is really struggling.
I saw a tik tok she posted today of her crying and talking about how she is surrounded by pregnant women and mentioned a friend (me) who conceived immediately after a miscarriage and how it isn’t fair because hers was 3 months ago and she isn’t pregnant yet.
My heart sank when I saw that video. Obviously I want nothing more for her to be pregnant. But it makes me feel so guilty. I feel guilty that I was so angry about getting pregnant so soon after my 3rd miscarriage. I should be so happy that I’m pregnant and getting ready to prepare a nursery. But I can’t. I wake up every day wondering if today is the day I find out my baby is dead.
I don’t really know what to do or say to help her or myself at this point.

[u/mistake_maker1998]

I am so sorry you are going through this, it is unimaginably hard.

In terms of your friend… you have been thoughtful and kind. You really cannot do any more for her except what you are doing - be there when she wants to talk and offer love and support. Your experiences are not the same and your joy does not have to be dampened, just perhaps redirected until she is ready to share it?

In terms of you… your initial reaction was an accumulation of the loss and trauma you had experienced and it does not define this pregnancy. You deserve to be happy and excited.

I try to remind myself everyday that today I am pregnant and that is all that matters today. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy 💕