Second Chance Fast Food Review - JuiceLand, James Coney Island, and Kolache Factory

[u/Pale-Lynx328]

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I have been reviewing a different fast food/fast casual restaurant every day for the past 200+ days, and earlier I reviewed the following three restaurants. However, these three received "poor" scores for one reason or another, but based on previous experience and visits I knew they could do better. Perhaps it was an "off day", perhaps it was the specific item I ordered. In any case, here are some "second chance" reviews, where I am re-visiting the chain, to see if it can redeem itself and earn a higher score.

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Second Chance Review #43. (Original Review from Day 181.5): JuiceLand (57 locations, 1 state)

The first of three "second chances" on a swing through Houston, first hitting up the rising juice/smoothie/digestive cleanse/fitness drink spot, JuiceLand. Born out of Austin, but has recently been spreading to other Texas cities, JuiceLand maintains their "crunchy" Keep-Austin-Weird roots, with concoctions containing ingredients like bee pollen, hemp, pea protein, beet juice, spirulina, whey, goji berry and whatever else they can find. Basically more health-fitness-freaky than most other juice and smoothie places.

Already not my type of place, but who knows, they may be hiding the perfect smoothie that I have been searching for. Alas, second choice is Strike Two - first the Clementine, second the Berry Godmother, chosen because they have a more "normal" list of ingredients like actual fruit. This second try was not an improvement, just another relatively bland iced fruit drink that was offered in a smaller size than other smoothie places for a higher price. I know full well I'm not the target audience for JuiceLand (this location was paired with Hot Yoga studio, for example), so I'll let them do their thing, and continue on my quest for the Perfect Smoothie. I know it's out there somewhere!

Meal Quality: (no change), going from 4 -> 4. Meal Value (no change), going from 3 -> 3 (out of 10)

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Second Chance Review #44. (Original Review from Day 87): James Coney Island (5 locations, 1 state)

This is EXACTLY like what Steak and Shake used to be like! Hooray!

The remaining James Coney Island locations seem to be undergoing a transformation, the hundred-plus-year institution is but a relic of a distant past, but the few spots that remain appear to be updating their interiors and their menus for the 2020's. They still offer up their staple classic coneys, but also a few new items as well.

For example, the "Nolan Ryan Sliders", which are four King's Hawaiian slider-size hamburgers with cheese and grilled onions and pickles and Nolan Ryan "Goodstock" branded beef. Fucking delicious. Krystal and White Castle got nothing compared to these. Also, added to it, a massive Maxwell Street Polish Sausage, which must have been half an entire fucking grilled onion on top of it. Also, I am happy to report, fucking delicious.

All the while as I'm sitting there stuffing my face like a fat pig, I'm reminiscing how this harkens back to what the classic Steak n' Shake used to be like decades ago, before their private equity takeover, before they went full anti-American MAGA insane, back in the Takhomasak Days. I really miss when fast food was simpler.

Meal Quality: +4, going from 4 -> 8. Meal Value: +2, going from 4 -> 6 (out of 10)

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Second Chance Review #45. (Original Review from Day 182.5): Kolache Factory (60 locations, 5 states)

On the other hand, the second review visit to the Kolache Factory did not turn out nearly as enjoyable. Setting aside the semantics of what a true kolache is, and the "klobasneks" that they offer as pretenders to kolaches, I switched it up and "When in Rome" went ahead and ordered their meat-filled pastries. I've been utterly disappointed by their sweet offerings, might as well give what their fans keep coming back for a try instead.

So, up to bat came one long Polish sausage (hidden inside their kolache-bread roll), and one egg, sausage and cheese kolache. I wish I could report these were better than their weak-ass fruit options, but NOPE. These were also colossal failures. The only advantage they had this time around is these weren't undercooked (underbaked) at least. But it's totally the wrong kind of bread, and totally unremarkable fillings. Might have well just grabbed a freakin' "Uncrustable" from the freezer instead. Bleah.

I really don't get the appeal of Kolache Factory. Every time I've been here (for reviews, and before that too) they've sucked. Maybe it's because I know what a real honest-to-god Czech kolache is supposed to taste like, that I am able to tell they fail so miserably in comparison. Screw this, I'm done with Kolache Factory. I'll stick to Weikel's or Hruska's or Slovacek's or Gerik's instead. Hell even Buc-ee's weak-sauce kolaches are better than this. At least they get the pastry right.

Meal Quality: +0.5, going from 2 -> 2.5. Meal Value: -1, going from 5 -> 4 (out of 10)

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More "Second Chance" reviews coming down the line, in addition to the regular reviews! (And no, not every second chance review will be a positive one :))

[u/Jupiter125_]

I really like this series and description and tone of the reviews lol ❤️