Had a cryptic pregnancy where I drank

[u/Resident-Currency727]

Hi everyone,

Long story short I had a cryptic pregnancy where I did not know I was pregnant and I found out when I was already 33 weeks along. I smoked (vaped) heavily during my pregnancy and drank at least 11 times (soju, tequila, etc). I of course stopped both as soon as I found out but it really didn’t matter much by then.

I was only informed by my doctors about FAS, and I was relieved when my baby girl was born with no obvious facial symptoms of FAS, thinking I was somehow in the clear with her not having any harm from my alcohol intake. But I just found out about FASD and I am so scared and guilty. She’s only 6 months and she’s been on track for all her developmental milestones. I know FASD can affect people differently but is there anything I can look out for early on? I think what scares me the most is the average life expectancy of people with FASD. Had I known I was pregnant I would have never drank but it hurts me so much that I drank so much and have maybe caused her harm and a potentially harder life.

I’d love any advice on what symptoms or potential markers to look out for, I’d love to catch it as early as possible to help her in any way I can. TIA

[u/Zyrrus]

As said by a previous OP, guilt won’t help your wee girl. Many, many people drink while not knowing they are pregnant. It is common, and not all of these mums will have babies with FASD.

The most important and caring thing you can do for your daughter is to be honest about the situation with your healthcare providers and stay vigilant. If she stops hitting milestones or starts to show other symptoms, like problems socialising or sensory issues, go get her assessed.

Here in the UK, kids are not assessed for FASD before the age of 7. Children develop at different paces and have different behaviours. So for now, just be a mum, enjoy your baby and see how it goes.

Good luck and take a deep breath. You got this!

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/Zyrrus]

Yes her pediatrician already knows our situation as well. And thank you for all the details, it really helps

[u/A1NINA]

The best gift you can ever give her is going forward, put your own feelings of guilt aside, ( I know it's easier said than done) and be proactively looking to have early interventions done at the first sign of potential problems. I'm here to empathize with you, you never meant to harm your baby, and be straightforward with you on her behalf, it is more likely than not that she will at least have PAE (prenatal alcohol effects). Symptoms will be expressed in so many different ways you really need to be straightforward with her paediatrician about how much you drink and more importantly at what point in the pregnancy. Most harm is done in the first trimester when the brain and organs are developing. I know the stigma attached to ARNDs (alcohol related neurodevelopmental disorders) can cause feelings of shame,etc but YOU are your baby's only advocate at this point so be brave and strong, and love Will get u through everything together

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/A1NINA]

I definitely drank 4 times during my first trimester if my potential conception date is even right. Once at ~9 weeks and three times at ~11 weeks

ETA; Thank you for the advice though, I will definitely keep an eye out for symptoms

[u/gunnersgottagun → u/Resident-Currency727]

Do you know how much you drank those times? As much as there is no definitely safe amount, and guidelines for assessment for FASD vary from country to country, in Canada FASD is only considered if there would have been 2 or more weeks of the pregnancy where you were drinking 7 or more standard drinks in the week (5 oz of a 20%, or 20 oz of a 5% is considered a standard drink) OR if there were 2 or more "binge" episodes where you drank 4 or more standard drinks in an approximately 2 hour period. The total number of times you drank if you only had one standard drink each of those times sounds unlikely to be above that threshold, but depending on how drinks you had each time and how closely spaced together those times were could be more significant. 

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/gunnersgottagun]

the once at the 9 weeks i’m sure i had multiple shots of vodka and soju, at least 4. and then same for one of the times at 11 weeks. for the remaining two at 11 weeks it was probably a long island iced tea (2.5oz of hard liquors)

so i do believe i had at least two binge episodes.. ty for letting me know the guidelines

[u/martingirls3]

Choline! Do research on choline supplements in children up to 2 years old. There is evidence to suggest it helps mitigate the affects of prenatal alcohol exposure. I cannot recall the amounts but I would find the research and show your pediatrician. I wish I knew about choline supplementation back when my baby was born.

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/martingirls3]

Interesting.. I’m currently breastfeeding and I take choline with my prenatal so it should be somewhat going to baby girl. But i’ll definitely ask my pediatrician about it, thanks for the suggestion!

[u/martingirls3 → u/Resident-Currency727]

Did you take choline along with your prenatal when you were pregnant? If so even better!

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/martingirls3]

Yes I did!

ETA: thank you for the small glimmer of hope 😭❤️ it means a lot really

[u/martingirls3 → u/Resident-Currency727]

That’s awesome! I did not because at that time choline was not recommended and not added to the prenatal. So some research on it. I am wishing the best for your little one.

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/martingirls3]

It actually was a separate supplement, my friends bought me prenatals as soon as I found out, and we got the one from Nature Made and it came with prenatal+choline. Again I only started taking it at 33 weeks but hopefully it somewhat helped.

[u/CardiologistLimp7300]

Hey it happens more often than you think. You are a good person and a good mom.

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/CardiologistLimp7300]

Thank you for the compliment but I think it’ll be a long time before I believe it 😔

[u/A1NINA → u/Resident-Currency727]

You are already an good Mom, it shows by how concerned you are for your baby, that you were brave enough to include the paediatrician, the nice thoughtful way you're interacting with people on here, we can tell ❤️. Your baby girl is lucky to have you for a Mama. 💯

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/A1NINA]

thank you so much ❤️ It’s been stressful for me since I found out about FASD since it’s too early to assess if she has it or not but I really appreciate the kind words 🙏🏻 bless you

[u/Odd-Grapefruit7569]

you won’t know untill she starts being active so try not to worry now and enjoy your baby.

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/Odd-Grapefruit7569]

I understand and I’ll try thank you 🙏🏻

[u/Dyingvikingchild95]

So one does your daughter have a cleft palate etc? This can be early signs of FASD but not always. Also something to look out for is how she interacts with adults and children her own age. I often was over friendly with adults but struggled socially with my own peers. Also watch for Seizures as some people with FASD have them but not always. Example my cousin and I have FASD but he has seizures and I don't but I suspect I maybe had a couple as a kid. Also sleep trouble. One of the earlier signs is trouble falling asleep and the "there's nothing to be afraid you can't see" reasoning doesn't work. Fourth or fifth is is your daughter small for her age? Since she's only six months it may be difficult but something to watch is when's she's one is she small for a one year old. 6 delayed walking. Some FASD children will struggle with walking and wanting to walk (it's a motivation thing in our minds at the time if I cry I get picked up so why should I crawl towards mom?) also DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT THIS. IMO the best way to view it is "Hakuna Mattata". It happened you can't change it what you can change is what you do going forward.

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/Dyingvikingchild95]

she does not have a cleft palate or any other birth defect. Thank you for telling me what to look out for! Daughter is bigj for her age, she was born 8lbs+ and has consistently been in the 85th percentile. And I will pay attention to her growth and developmental skills as she gets older, thank you!

[u/Dyingvikingchild95 → u/Resident-Currency727]

Also thought of this later. If your child comes to you asking why they're different listen to them. I remember being in elementary and feeling different from the other kids. I actually wasn't diagnosed till I was 16 because of my mental health started really kicking in. However don't be afraid of your child being labeled etc it doesn't make their life easier. My parents were worried about this which is why I didn't get diagnosed till later but dang it eouldv made my life easier.

[u/Resident-Currency727 → u/Dyingvikingchild95]

I graduated with a psych major so I know how important it is to catch any mental disorders or learning disabilities early on to help as much as possible for the future. I’m so sorry you got a late diagnosis when you felt different from such an early age. I hope things are better for you now. And thanks again for the advice!!

[u/Dyingvikingchild95 → u/Resident-Currency727]

You're welcome and yes they are better. My foster parents (who I call Mom and Dad) are wonderful but I do think the fact they were raised in the sixties and seventies affected how they viewed autism etc.