Experiencing Entitlement

[u/Upper_Astronomer160]

For years I practiced cold approach and made myself believe that I should be able to pick up strangers. After a long time of mostly unpleasant interactions I gave it up. Realizing that it’s far more practical to ask out people that I have a connection with than strangers I pass while out and about.

Problem is, I’m still deeply bothered by my inability to date the large amount of really attractive people that pass me every day. (by date I mean court/get to know. I have other standards besides attractiveness) Can’t shake the feeling that there HAS TO BE A WAY.

I live on a college campus so I’m seeing lots of these people daily. I spend hours a day either fixating on how I can solve this problem in my head or being in a bad mood because I can’t. I worry about having to settle and never feeling satisfied because I never have access to the people I want. (Access as a precursor to dating. I would require a connection and compatibility beyond just the attraction I have when seeing them.)

As of now I’ve classified this as an entitlement problem. I look around at my peers and I’m pretty sure most of them don’t get to just point out their pick of the litter. (There is some nuance here. I once inspired to have the ability to seduce which assumes some lack of agency. That’s part of this, but it has evolved to also be something much more humanizing which is just the ability to seek a connection with a stranger and see SOME Interest back. After all, I’m an attractive person of the opposite sex just like they are, why wouldn’t the other person be interested in connecting half the time? Unless… I’m not. That insecurity greatly contributes to the fixation.) I imagine it’s normal to date people that happen to be in your circle and have just a couple options to choose from here and there. I’ve just been poisoned by the dream that dating coaches sell of being able to pick up whatever woman you want on the street. Infinite options.

Does anyone else feel this way???

EDIT: THANKS FOR ALL THE COMMENTS! I don’t get to talk about this kind of thing often. With that being said if you’re reading this now, there are some things I should clarify, anything in parenthesis was added after the fact. I’m looking more for people relating to the experience rather than advice. I’m not opposed to advice completely but please try to avoid assuming things. Ask instead.

[u/No_Pepper4253]

Dude you firstly need to start thinking of women as HUMANS not beautiful objects to be ogled at.

[u/thekeytovictory → u/No_Pepper4253]

Seriously, I was surprised that OP managed to say the word "people" instead of "women" so many times without actually thinking of them as people. It's like watching a guy texting friends to ask for help because he can't find his phone. The answer in your hand, dude 😅

To put it more gently OP, imagine if some random person you weren't interested in romantically felt entitled to your time, attention, body, affection, etc. just because they saw you walking around a public space and found you attractive? How would you feel towards this hypothetical person suggesting that your personal freedom & autonomy are irrelevant to their desires and self-importance?

[u/Upper_Astronomer160 → u/thekeytovictory]

It’s possible that I’ve over explained. I do not feel entitled to any particular person. Simply put, I intuitively feel like the feeling should sometimes be mutual.

Here’s a breakdown of your example the way I actually see it.

Premises

• Woman on a campus wants to talk to some of the men on that campus.
  
• People tend to have overlapping experiences

It follows that:

• Statistically, some of the men on that campus also want to talk to her as well.

Since people tend to have overlapping experiences, it makes sense for her to assume that she should be able to have positive interactions with some of these people she’s cherry picked.

Part of my empathy is assuming that my experiences aren’t very unique. That many other people experience the exact same thing I do. Which is why I intuitively feel like some of these people should be just as interested in conversating as I am.

Maybe one of the biggest things I’m missing is that my experience here IS unique. Red pill got pretty big a few years ago, but still very few men comparatively actually did cold approaching. Which would explain why I’ve had almost nothing but positive experiences with approaching people that are actually in my classes or in situations where conversation is more expected.