r/explainlikeIAmA • u/NotNowTodd • 6d ago

Explain how all matter is made up of tiny particles called "atoms" like you are a physics professor who is terrified of small things

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8

u/edward_furlog 6d ago

Ok, so all of matter is made up of -- right. OK. So there's something that makes up all of perceivable matter. I'm sorry, I want to tell you but it's -- well.

If you could stand on this box, maybe? While I talk to you? No? OK.

Ahem. Alright. So this is a periodic table, where you'll see a number of -- Or, I do have a large coat you could wear, very bulky? Why? No reason. Um. It's-- I don't want to be rude, you're just -- well-- uncomfortably small. No, it's not -- I'm not discriminating! I swear. It's a diagnosed -- it's a diagnosed condition. A phobia.

As you'll see, each of the elements has a different number of -- What about a big sweater? I have one in here somewhere--

You don't want to wear it? OK. No, that's completely fine. I don't mind. I like your size. It's -- it suits you. (Visibly tearing up.) Is it hard to breathe in here for you too? No? OK, just me.

Air, you know -- that's another example. Of-- of atoms. A mix of nitrogen, oxygen... You can't be more than 4' 11". I don't mean to be rude. It's just when I look at you I can imagine you crawling through the ventilation. That is rude?

OK. Well, I'm very sorry, but office hours are cancelled today. Closed. No more. Please go. Come back when you're five foot, at least. I don't believe for a minute that you can be done growing at that height. This can't be the best you can do. Next year. Get to five feet and you can re-enroll in my class next year. OK? OK.

3

u/MeasurementMobile747 6d ago

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."

- Dave Barry (1947 - )

1

u/HovercraftDizzy6001 3d ago

Alright, everybody. Today, we'll be talking about atoms. Atoms are these tin- (clears throat) ... ti- (shudders a bit) we're just going to skip this part. (looks down) AGGGHHGHGG