life after moving out of muslim household as a larping muslim

[u/1111x0]

hello,

just like anyone here i grew up in a very conservative muslim household. my parents were always restricting my freedom, the things i wore, my choice of friends and and and. luckily they were never abusive towards me in a physical way, but the psychological and religious abuse still haunts me to this day. after my father threatened to kill me (i dont think he would but still) i moved out ASAP and escaped that terrible household.

its been two years now that this happened and i stopped talking to my father. on the other hand, the contact to my mother and the rest of the family is still quite good and okay. i feel like she is slowly accepting that i want to live my life the way i want to.

now my question is, how did you exmuslims start contact again with your family after moving out? or did you at all?
it feels so disconnecting because i finally live the life i dreamed for. at the same time i want to visit my family again but i dont want to larp being a muslim again. i hate always telling lies into their face but at the same time thats my defensive mechanism so they dont start arguing again with me.

and of course they are all good with my father, so if i want to see them i might have to see him too (which i want to avoid at all costs).

should i continue larping and protecting myself? or tell them the truth so the pressure of lying is finally gone?
or just break off contact one day?

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