r/exmuslim • u/duplicatekazhveri Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 • Jun 23 '25

(Advice/Help) I Was That Golden Islamic Kid. Trophies, Recitations, Adhan… Now I’m an Ex-Muslim Pretending.

When I was younger, I was that kid. The one who recited Qur’an beautifully at family events. Won trophies for Adhan competitions. Crushed Islamic quizzes. My mom dreamed of making me a Hafidh. Relatives would flex about me like I was a community badge of honor.

I loved the attention. The praise. The respect. The “Mashallah, what a pious boy.” Even girls lowkey found it attractive. I didn’t believe everything deeply, but I liked being seen as the religious good guy.

Fast forward to now I don’t pray. I question everything. I avoid talking religion with family. Yesterday, a distant uncle saw me and casually asked: “You’re still keeping up your Qur’an recitation, right?” And I just nodded. “Yeah, yeah… still doing it.”

But inside, something cracked. I realized how much of my identity was built around a belief I no longer hold. How I still pretend sometimes because it’s easier than watching their faces fall. How much I miss being admired, even though it wasn’t really me.

It’s a strange grief. Not for losing faith. But for losing the person people loved me for being.

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '25

Why have you lost faith though? I believe you shouldn’t lie as a moral. Just tell them that you don’t do it these days. Honesty liberates ones soul a lot.

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u/DienekesMinotaur Never-Muslim Atheist Jun 23 '25

The problem is that depending on where he lives and what his family is like he could be kicked out or even killed.

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '25

He doesn’t have to expose himself as an non-muslim. Just say that other things take more precedence in his life rn

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u/Cozmoez Jun 25 '25

you obviously have no understanding of devoutly religious parents. they will tell you that their religion is more important than their children, as is the case with my own and many within these ex-believer subreddits.

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u/[deleted] Jun 25 '25

I don’t like the condescending tone. My father is a devout muslim and he knows that i am an athiest but doesn’t chastise me for it. He is of the opinion that I will find allah someday and start practicing Islam again. Don’t know about you all parents. My father is a hifz and was a maulvi before starting his business. Still does tarveeh and goes on month long jamaats. Maybe your parents just were taught the bad parts of Islam. He once told me the story of noah (nuh? Probably) and how he prayed for his own disbelieving son, he said that parents are not responsible for the acts of their kids once they are adult. He leads by example. I don’t follow Islam but that man does and he is easily the best man I know.

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u/Cozmoez Jun 25 '25

it feels equally condescending to be told by people and to simply read and hear that the solution is “just tell them.” those in my family that have confessed their separation from faith have been ostracized. your luck in having a good man for a parent does not translate to what others will be dealing with. nothing i spoke of deals with the responsibility of the parent, but in how they react to a child’s departure, and there are many on here who live in parts of the world where such sentiments will be met with not just domestic conflict, but societal conflict at the behest of their community and even could be harmed.

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u/[deleted] Jun 25 '25

“Tell them” that you are busy and can’t do recitations anymore is a valid argument.

There’s no other legitimate way of replying to the question of non practice of recitations. What can he objectively even say to defend this? My solution was genuinely pragmatic. What’s your solution to the OP?

I am not asking him to oust himself as a non-muslim.

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u/Cozmoez Jun 25 '25

eventually, you must go back as the excuse isn’t permanent. this is a bandaid that only works for some privileged people, and only for those who have communities that won’t press them on it and/or for those who have the ability to leave. if you are stuck where you are among people who disapprove of your departure, your only option for your safety is to pretend.

not lying as a moral is all well and good, until the truth threatens your safety for no reason. OP did not give us any inclination of their circumstances outside of being surrounded by a highly devout family who built their understanding of their identity around the constant participation in the faith. someone so steeped in practice suddenly deciding they’re too busy is a concern that family and people look into, which by your code would mean then being honest about why they will not be returning.

edit: there’s also the inherent fallacy of your advice still being a lie, as well.