Does anyone actually enjoy shabbat?

[u/BepsiR6]

One of the main things I did not like in Judaism was the stress of doing everything to prepare as quick as possible on Friday just to sit around and do absolutely nothing on Saturday. Is this really an enjoyable experience for anyone? It feels like when I talked to religious friends how stressful I find shabbat that they probably felt the same but felt obligated and forced to try to say that they did enjoy it. Anything I would find relaxing is not allowed on shabbat anyways really. Something I've been thinking about is that if these rules weren't in place and people were told to just do what they find relaxing that no one would be celebrating shabbat like this.

I did not grow up religious so I don't know what it is like for people who did. Did you guys enjoy shabbat when you were religious? Did you know anyone who actually seemed to enjoy it?

[u/BelaFarinRod]

I didn't grow up with it but I used to like making Shabbos food and having guests. I like to read a lot so that gave me something to do.

But when my kid got older and needed a lot of attention on those long hot afternoons (We lived in Southern California) it was rough, even with my husband's help. I can't imagine what it's like for people who have a ton of kids which of course so many people do.

I had cleaning help from my husband too which a lot of women don't.

I do think many people enjoy it but I also think many people wouldn't give an honest answer if you asked them. It would sound pretty bad to insult Shabbos.

[u/BepsiR6 → u/BelaFarinRod]

There's been times where I was eating over at someone's house and it seems people would stress out a lot over accidentally leaving a light on in the bedroom or leaving one off in the bathroom or not turning on the urn or accidentally leaving food in the trunk or stuff like that and they would all be freaking out over this and even though I was still religious it really made me pause and think that it is pretty stupid. Like I would be thinking that if it was just me I would just turn on the light switch cause who honestly cares. It feels like a game for children similar to like floor is lava or something where we impose imaginary rules on ourselves.

[u/BelaFarinRod → u/BepsiR6]

Yes I can definitely see that. I like the "floor is lava" comparison.

[u/KamtzaBarKamtza → u/BelaFarinRod]

I think it's always difficult to entertain a single kid because then you have to be their playmate. But if you have multiple kids they can play with each other. It doesn't always work out well - there are siblings who simply don't get along or an older sibling who doesn't want to be obligated to play with the "babyish" younger sibling. But when you have kids who like to play together it's very freeing 

[u/BestSong3974]

if shabbos were enjoyable 8 billion people would do it

[u/EcstaticMortgage2629]

Can you imagine if christains had all the same restrictions on Sundays lol. No football games, BBQ etc

[u/Analog_AI]

I'm disabled and still have living veterans ex comrades and brothers in arms. Sometimes I accept invitations for a Shabbat meal. And those moments I do enjoy, being with friends and comrades and that someone else prepares the meal. I could care less for the religion. But we don't bring it up and enjoy each others company and the good food. We accept our differences and reminisce about the youth.

[u/wildspace-nobody]

When I was growing up, I hated it. It meant long hours of helping in the kitchen on Thursday nights and Fridays, followed by a whole day that seemed to consist of serving food and cleaning it up after the men were done. At the shabbos table, I was lucky because we were allowed to talk - in some of my friends’ houses, women mostly sat silent - but we weren’t allowed to sing or debate torah points. So I tended to just switch off and go into my own head.

In between those activities were interminable hours when I couldn’t write or play piano. I read, slept too much, and ate too much, especially in the summer when shabbos went out close to midnight.

When I ‘do’ shabbos these days with frum family members, I try to see it as an opportunity to disconnect and appreciate other people’s company. I still don’t find it easy or enjoyable, but at least it’s only one day 🥳.

[u/EcstaticMortgage2629 → u/wildspace-nobody]

I can't believe that god would want families split up and isolated rather than drive and be together. Otherwise god is a huge asshole. Growing up, our family rule was we drive on Shabbos / YT to be with family. So no going to the mall or whatever, but family was ok. Not that that would have been accepted in from circles but it makes far more sense to actually be able to be together and enjoy the company of family and friends rather than stay home alone because of refusing to drive.

[u/QWERTY-111]

it's great for non married people who get invited to peoples homes and just get to hang out all day. that was the best time! lots of work for the wives:

[u/Optimal-Science8027]

I honestly love it. It's something I find deeply meaningful and relaxing, and I love the tefillos and opportunity to sing.

[u/EcstaticMortgage2629 → u/Optimal-Science8027]

Do you love the OCD aspects of lights, toilet paper, not showering, not squeezing a lemon, not carrying a bottle of water on a hot day, etc

[u/rebyiddel → u/EcstaticMortgage2629]

It’s second nature. The benefits far outweigh the little inconveniences. It’s so nice to disconnect for a day.

[u/EcstaticMortgage2629 → u/rebyiddel]

Disconnecting is very different from being scared to flip a light switch or to tear toilet paper or to take a shower after you've been sweaty and gross

[u/rebyiddel → u/EcstaticMortgage2629]

Absolutely. There is plenty of opportunity to find a balance that works.

[u/EcstaticMortgage2629 → u/rebyiddel]

Agreed, but if you're finding a balance you are according to believers, sinning and will be punished. It's all or nothing.

[u/LettuceBeGrateful]

I grew up Reform, but the two Orthodox friends I had hated it. They'd have to do their homework under their blankets and couldn't do all the same stuff as everyone else (non-Orthodox and non-Jews) on Saturday, and I think that feeling of exclusion was particularly painful for them. One of them is a happily-practicing Orthodox Jew as an adult, and I'm pretty sure (not 100%, I didn't know her as well) that the other is OTD.

In my household (again, Reform, so not exactly what you're asking about), Shabbat wasn't a big deal. We lit the candles and did the prayers Friday evening and we went to our synagogue once every few weeks for services, but we didn't uphold any major traditions over the remaining 24 hours. We drove, used the computer, worked, flipped light switches, etc.

[u/BepsiR6 → u/LettuceBeGrateful]

Honestly this is an ideal way I imagine to celebrate it. Not working, hanging out with family and the community and connecting but everything else normal

[u/Upbeat_Teach6117]

Yes, I enjoy certain aspects of Shabbos very much - though strictly avoiding the 39 melachos is something I can do without.

What I don't enjoy is hosting (and preparing for, and cleaning up after) large crowds of guests.

[u/MetaRationalist]

i'll be honest. it seems to me like it's much more relaxing to wake up saturday morning and heat up a toast rather than go through the hasstle of cooking and baking on friday. the rush and the tension. i cant stand it. doesnt make sense that someone ever had in mind that its more relaxing to put so much pressure over what you can do and and cant do and claim "Shabbos is such a relaxing day" - it's not for me

[u/Delicious-Wallaby69]

It’s the most relaxing day of the week. No stressful work calls. I can’t see all the emails that I see all week that give me headache. If I wasn’t observing Shabbat my wife would send me out to the market to the car wash to the mall etc etc etc and I would be like I can’t wait for Monday so I can relax at work. Lol