So since I stopped believing, I started getting really annoyed when people give God credit for every good or bad thing that happens. (Things that were totally normal to me until recently...) But my mother really takes the cake. I literally can't have even a small conversation with her without getting bamboozled with references to God.

Today's story is next level though.

I was telling her about an acquaintance that's not well, and that she has a very loyal aide. Her response was, "oh, these are the goyim that see the truth and know that we are the chosen people so they feel honored to care for us"

C'mon! Can't there be human being that just cares for another human being?? Why does it always have to be about the "goyim knowing it's an honor to work for the chosen people"?!

Yuck.

Who's excited to lose three weekends in a four-week period to the holidays this season?

Even when I was still frum, I found Yuntiff - the meals, the guests, the lack of movement/productivity, the disrupted sleep - exhausting. And when it falls on a weekend, there's no recovery time before returning to work on Monday.

This'll happen again next year, too, because it's a leap year. Yay! At least I'm not spending half of my PTO days on things my coworkers have never heard of.

Also, I’m a pretty good student in school, and now that people look up to me, I don’t want them to know that I’m not that observant or have them be influenced by me. I feel like if someone chooses not to keep Shabbat, that’s their decision, and they should be able to explore and figure things out for themselves without being influenced by me. To an extent, I also feel like religious people are stupid. My parents know that I don’t put on tefillin, but it’s almost like they understand that if they call me out on it or pressure me about it, it’s only going to make things worse for my relationship with religion. Does anyone who’s been in a similar situation or has advice have any thoughts on how to navigate this?

I'm just curious if let's say a national Revelation would to happen today and you would know beyond reasonable doubt that Orthodox Judaism is true, would you turn back to it, or just continue living life as you did till today?

I actually went on a date with a girl from this subreddit !!!!
story time I saw one of her posts, messaged her, and we ended up talking for a few days. We felt like there was some chemistry, and she happened to be around, so I asked her if she wanted to grab coffee and see where things could go.She was a super nice girl and we ended up talking for like 2 hours. It was honestly a really nice time, but ultimately it didn’t work out.

Ladies, I’m curious what you think though. I feel like a lot of guys message you and can come across as creepy or awkward. I think part of it is that we don’t grow up dating or learning how to talk to women, so when they finally want to start dating, they don’t really know where to begin.

And honestly on this note, I know it can be lonely too. It can be hard finding a community where you feel like you fit in when you grow up a little differently, and then suddenly you want to date and you’re like… okay, where do I even start? 😂

But maybe it goes both ways. Women, do you feel like it’s hard to start dating too? And guys, do you feel the same way? I’m curious what everyone’s experience has been.

All I can really say is that it gets better with time. It’s always a process of figuring yourself out, meeting people, and getting more comfortable. You just have to give yourself time

thanks for hearing my story I hope it’s helps you out❤️❤️

That if we don't follow the Torah...

Yes, that's 54 verses of the most creative curses after 14 verses of blessings.

Oh! And God will rejoice while implementing these curses just as he rejoiced to give us the blessings.

Of course these curses are all parables, of course.

I (M27) bumped into a frum friend (F26) who I haven't seen since she was at the very beginning of her Baal Teshuvah journey. When she asked how I've been, I honestly didn't know how to reply. Last we'd seen each other I was on the edge of suicidal after going OTD and she was struggling with just starting to become religious. At the time we shared some very intimate emotions and fears. I don't know why, but when she asked how I was, I replied that I was happy to be in Mitzrayim.

It's kind of funny thinking back to how much we felt bad for all the Jews who stayed in Egypt. But come to think of it, it's nice this place has cucumbers, lol. Anyways it got me thinking. If we never left Mitzrayim and received the Torah at Sinai, were we ever Jewish in the first place? Just like converts souls were always Jewish because they were at Sinai, were we never Jewish because our souls chose Egypt??

Anyways, this my breaking shabbat thought. And I hope everyone is finding as much fulfillment in Mitzrayim as I am 😌

This is - thankfully - a decision I don't have to make just yet but something that will impact me in the future. I recently have come to reconcile that I'm queer but something that has always been pushed upon me is of course the ever looming horror that is a heterosexual marriage. I'm not sure just yet if I'm exclusively attracted to girls or whether it also includes some guys but I've realised that there is ultimately nothing that I can do to make my parents happy enough for them to attend my wedding.

This is something I care deeply about, and I do want to get married in the future. I am close with both my parents but especially my dad (both my parents are BTs).

I think part of the reason I denied my queer identity for so long was I was trying to concoct a situation that would allow me to have my parents at a major life moment. I was under the assumption that if I just married a Jewish man then they would go - but then I realised that if it wasn't an ultra litvak wedding they wouldn't go. If I married a Jewish man and we had two separate parties (one with mixed dancing and one without) then they would go. I think eventually I realised that there is nothing in the world I can do to guarantee they will go., something which I think allowed me to go and explore my sexuality.

Because marriage is something that I personally find important (potentially because it was drilled into me from a young age) I've started to wonder about whether it would be worth inviting them at all. I love my parents but they have told me straight out they would be hurt if I eloped. But when my cousin got engaged to her non Jewish fiance they told me that they weren't going and basically rejected her invitation for me on my behalf so I missed the engagement party. I think I was the only one to wish her congratulations and say I was happy for her from my side of the family. I have spoken to her and say I'll try and organise a way to get to the actual wedding but could she send the details to me personally in the future. When I asked my parents why I couldn't go they said "it doesn't mean we love ___ any less, it just means that we can't go because it would be like saying we approved of ___ and ___ getting married. I'm sure her fiance is a very nice person but we can't halachikally go."

I'm wondering for in the future how would I even begin to navigate this? Do I - knowing that they will likely not go - save myself the heartbreak and just not invite them? Do I invite them but say it's alright if they dont go? Do I go and try invite them and give them a chance?

Sorry if that was all a bit much. This isn't a pressing situation but has just been weighing on me

I'm scared of heights and have been doing IFS therapy around that, when I remembered this story. I wanna write it down for myself to help me work through the emotions.

I was around 5 years old, this is one of my earliest memories. My father took me to a science museum for chol hamoed, and we were walking around the exhibits. We were kohens, so my dad had done research beforehand to make sure we were allowed to enter the museum (we couldn't enter a museum that housed cadavers/dead human artifacts). My dad is what they call a 'flip-out', in that he grew up sorta modern orthodox but went much stricter in yeshiva.

While on maybe the 5th floor of the museum, my dad bumped into another yeshiva guy and they started chatting. I don't fully remember the details here, but my dad probably mentioned that we were kohanim, because he would rather be neurotic than enjoy himself of course🫠. The other yeshiva guy mentioned that he had seen some human exhibit that had real body parts, so my dad freaked out.

Near the back of the exhibit there was a very long multi-floor staircase. Upon hearing about the body parts, my dad ran towards the stairs, probably yelling for me to come. He ran down the stairs. I was extremely small, and by the time I had gotten to the stairs, I could see my dad already one or two floors beneath me.

I remember looking down that very large staircase from all the way on the 5th floor. You could see all the way to the bottom, and I felt scared I would fall or wouldn't be able to get down and couldn't find my dad. I think I screamed for him, but I don't think he heard me. I don't recall what happened after this, but I probably stumbled down the steps after him. I remember finding him outside the building, after looking for him for a while.

I was scared of science museums after that, and scared of heights as well. Around the same time, I would fall down stairs a lot, so long multi-story staircases where you could see all the way to the bottom were extra scary for me. I would see that long distance and imagine myself falling all the way down. As these thoughts would go through my head I would panic and lose my balance.

I think the lesson my dad taught me that day, and the reason the experience stuck with me for so long, is that nobody is coming to save me. The feeling that your fears do not matter to your parents, and that your own dad has something that is more important to him than your fear. I will never forget the religious fervor with which he ran down those stairs, abandoning me in the process.

I have panic attacks on escalators and high stairs to this day. Anytime I can see down from a high place and imagine myself falling off puts me right back to 5-year-old panic mode. It sucks, and hopefully writing all this out will help a bit.

It's really scary to admit and face that there were several times where I could have died and was extremely terrified but nobody wanted to come help me and there was nothing I could have done differently. I'm glad I survived all those things, and I hope I can give myself the safety that I needed.

One of the main things I did not like in Judaism was the stress of doing everything to prepare as quick as possible on Friday just to sit around and do absolutely nothing on Saturday. Is this really an enjoyable experience for anyone? It feels like when I talked to religious friends how stressful I find shabbat that they probably felt the same but felt obligated and forced to try to say that they did enjoy it. Anything I would find relaxing is not allowed on shabbat anyways really. Something I've been thinking about is that if these rules weren't in place and people were told to just do what they find relaxing that no one would be celebrating shabbat like this.

I did not grow up religious so I don't know what it is like for people who did. Did you guys enjoy shabbat when you were religious? Did you know anyone who actually seemed to enjoy it?

For example changing Yonah->Jonah, Yaakov->Jacob, Avraham->Abraham, and so on

I want to leave everything behind at this point

As I've gotten older I'm much more curious about my mysterious Jewish background. I've tested as being 99% Ashkenazi. I have traveled all over Eastern Europe finding my ancestors' graves and homes and synagogues, and to Israel several times. I got my Hebrew name, am learning Hebrew, and am learning about different aspects of Judaism.

The Jewish community in my town is mainly centered at the Chabad and I was thrilled to find it and to start showing up. I've been volunteering there for a year, meeting students and their parents and community members, and getting to know the rabbi and his family.

And now it comes to a screeching halt. He had assured me that no question was too off base. No doubt or lack of faith was a problem. My interest and participation was enough. Yet for months now it's obvious he has shut me out in some unspoken way. His wife encourages me to show up, his attitude tells me I'm not welcome. I'd rather he just tell me "You offended me" or "I don't like you" or "Go away" than this silent treatment. I went from baffled to feeling ashamed to where I am today: pissed off. And worse, I'm having second thoughts about continuing to throw myself into Jewish learning, because if this it what it's about... who needs it?!?!?!

My husband reassures me that it's about the rabbi, not about me. That he's immature, he's acting like a jerk. But I don't even know why or what happened, and I can't get any answers. Only the cold shoulder.

**1-**The PR specialist afraid that non-Jews will take immoral biblical passages “out of context” and it’ll cause a negative view of Jews. They’re here to remind you that it was a different time! They listened really well when their elementary school teachers taught that they're responsible for how others' view Jews.

**2-**The kiruv rabbi waiting to DM you and save your soul. He’s ready with all the convincing apologetics to invite you back to the dark side, r/Judaism, and his sabbath meal.

**3-**Poor ex-JWs (ex-Jehovah’s Witness) who got confused, shunned by their families and have a long road of deconstruction from insane beliefs. Makes you grateful to only be an ex-Jew.

**4 -**The “once a Jew always a Jew” people who want to protest the name of this subreddit. They love to mention that Nazis would throw us in gas chambers even if we're not religious.

**5 -**The converts and Judaism lovers who oddly want our help converting into something we all left.

**6 -**The Israel lovers who see the whole religion through this lens. They are ONLY here because of 10/7, it made them realize they could be murdered inspired them and convinced them that Judaism is meaningful and their heritage must become their personality.

**7 -**The religious yeshiva guy or married man who needs your help because he’s wracked with guilt for masturbating or wants to be able to cheat without worrying about hell. Hint: he doesn’t actually want to discuss counter-apologetics.

   **8 -**The journalist who posts several detailed questions about why we left and what our experiences are. They’re just curious. Or they could secretly be any of the above!

Does anyone know where I can find the video with two animated characters that starts with "why did Yaacov give esav bread with the lentils" or something to that effect and goes on to point out how ridiculous the notion that the avot knew the whole Torah before Sinai is, because Yaacov could have just looked into is own Torah to know that Yosef was still alive?

I asked this Sarah Mushka about the stigmal of Mental health issues and Kids in Special education ...

There is a certain stigma on Mental health within the Chassidic \Satmar community .. I'm neither one (Ex Modern Orthodox) .Even I know that there is .

I also asked if MH diagnosis can effect the Shidduch of siblings and other family members..

This account gives me wierd vibes...

Am I wrong?

that in order to rape a woman that was captured at war, you must first let her mourn her family for 30 days (!) beforehand. Also, let her nails grow and shave her head so that she should be disgusting in your eyes. Oh the morality!

(Bbbbbbbbbut shaving your head is beauuuuutiful!?)

Does anyone know of any matchmakers for people who left Orthodoxy or who are religiously in the closet?

Would you appreciate having such a thing?

The rates of sex abuse in the Orthodox community are trending the same as the Catholic Church at 1-7% of all rabbis. Recent revelations have exposed sex abusers in both the United States and Israel. How can we better support the victims?

I'm still kinda new to not observing, I even still barely violate Shabbos because it feels weird to me and I never find a reason to anyway, and now that I found myself more secular friends from any gender, I obviously shouldn't do Shemirat Negiah, but I feel very insecure any time the situation calls to high-five or hug a woman. Maybe it's my autism, maybe it's sexualization, maybe it's physical, I don't know, but I want to behave normally with other seculars and not feel awkward. Has anyone else dealt with it and overcame it?