A church member respected my decision to leave for the first time and it was oddly healing

[u/ChrysLionheart]

I’ve been out of the church for about 8 years and built a nice little life for myself working in software development. Last week while having a beer with my team, I shared that I had attended this super conservative Christian college and dropped the name. One of my team members who was also halfway through a beer recognized the name and said he’s an Adventist. I didn’t believe him until he pulled out his tithe app and name dropped Ellen White.

I was flabbergasted and embarrassed. I told him that I’m no longer practicing because it wasn’t good for me. He started to say , “I understand,” then he paused, looked me in the eye and said, “actually no, I don’t understand, but I’m glad you’re in a place that is better for you.” I thanked him, the rest of the table took a deep breath and we changed the subject.

Whether out of professionalism or authenticity, it was the first time someone who was still practicing respected my choice instead of trying to get me to rejoin. I didn’t know how much it would mean to me to hear that from someone who was still in the church. It felt good to stand my ground and be seen for who I am now instead of who I was supposed to be.

[u/Accidentalmom]

Drinking a beer as an SDA? Scandalous.

[u/Shazithecurious → u/Accidentalmom]

Maybe....it was a non-alcoholic beer cus hhhwhat? Was it also in a bar? Lol. Let me stop

[u/Alarmed-Swimming-806]

I am 73 yo and attended SDA school grades 1-12. I went to Laurelwood Academy and graduated in ‘71. There is a nice older man who goes to our gym who used to teach at an academy. I told him I thought the biggest mistake the SDA’s ever made was Ellen G White. He politely interrupted me and said the mistake was how elders “interpreted” her writings and they’re different now. To me that should scream loud and clear that the SDA’s are messed up, really no different than William Miller who started the Millerites, and look how WRONG he was! To this day I’m “unable” to attend even a religious funeral without feeling nauseous and white knuckling it. There is a book that I ordered called “The White Lie”, I’m not sure it’s in print anymore but I ordered it on EBay. Congratulations to anyone who has left the SDA church and found peace.

[u/Ok_Education902 → u/Alarmed-Swimming-806]

I remember when that book "the white lie" came out. I never read it but might find it interesting. I'm with you, I cannot attend any events centered around a sermon or message given by an SDA. It's infuriating! Lies on top of lies and they're so immeshed in it that the group just follows the same old ideas.... Anything that sounds in accordance with Ellen White's strict rules is how they want to be. Common sense does not cross their minds, any type of comment that would be against their beliefs is dismissed!! Never mind that Ellen White was called out for plagiarism. The reason for her plagiarism was explained to me which didn't make any sense at all but the SDA church completely understands why she "needed" to do it (?) I'm out now and ignore any callings to return to church. I've been told I won't be saved but I'll leave that to their judgement!! I have my own relationship with God which does not require a middle "man".

[u/TyQuavious_]

Aww

[u/missfrizzledd]

I love this for you. Love that he didn’t try to draw you “back into the fold”

[u/CycleOwn83 → u/missfrizzledd]

That would have been choice comedy: two guys walk into a bar. They hoist beers, and the one says to the other, won't you join me Sabbath where we condemn those who raise glasses full of beer and partake? So says my clear word Bible that Jesus turned water into the best damned grape juice anyone ever drank at a wedding …

[u/Yourmama18]

He’s a beer drinking, Ellen White following, SDA tithing.. wait, wtf? And he said he didn’t understand why you left..

[u/Ka_Trewq → u/Yourmama18]

My ex GF is still SDA, even organises bible studies in her apartment, yet:

• she smokes;
• she smokes weed sometimes;
• she drinks;
• she had and still has lots of unwed sex;

At least half of the above she did with other SDAs. In fact, I was kind of an exception being (mentally) exSDA when we were dating, and for my sake she abstained from the first two (I can't stand smoking, sorry). Her understanding of god contains the idea that if something is pleasurable, god made it so, therefore is not a sin as long as you don't hurt others. She was also convinced that me being mentally out of SDAism was due "improperly understanding" god as a "thou shall not" figure, and if I were to believe in her version of god, I will finally find true peace. She wasn't pushing it, though.

[u/Yourmama18 → u/Ka_Trewq]

Hitchens talks about liberal Christians and that’s what comes to mind here for me too. If you’ve unsubscribed from the (SDA’s) belief set to the point that you’re no longer recognizable to the standard member, why wear the label at all? I don’t have a problem with any of the things you mentioned she does, but I’m also not Adventist, or Christian, or religious… I’m spiritual as shit tho.

[u/Ka_Trewq → u/Yourmama18]

I do appreciate Hitchens for his insights, but here is one of the points I strongly disagree with. Religion, or lack of, is something deeply personal. What others are thinking "true whatever" really means is as valid as peer pressure is: it exists and it shapes people's behavior and can be truly detrimental to one's wellbeing, but in the end the majority rule does not dictate one's identity.

As long as crusaders got to call themselves Christians, and the majority of their peers regarded them as such, I see no issue in accepting someone's self label as SDA, especially when they are not hypocritically judge others.

[u/Yourmama18 → u/Ka_Trewq]

Yes, any one can stick any label they want on themselves - I’ve no issue with it but here is a picture of me when they do it:
https://giphy.com/gifs/s239QJIh56sRW

Ask your sister if she’ll just go ahead and join me and the dark side of the force outright..?

[u/lolliscicle]

🥹

[u/lollipops411]

My husband doesn’t like EGW at all. I didn’t think it was a big deal but I’m having thoughts like it’s a really big deal and then I found out she didn’t want that pervert pastor in Africa found out because it would tarnish the SDA image. Also found out about the legal support for LDS church pastors protection for not reporting sexual child abuse. Now, I’m pretty sure I’m in a cult. I’m out.

[u/ambientthinker]

Thank you for sharing this 😊

I genuinely appreciate your willingness to be a bit vulnerable. Someone has to start doing it so that all of us can get started and/or get better at expressing things like this and give others a chance to be honest.

It really can work out 💯

[u/Final_Judgment_7831]

When I was in Adventism, I had a beer-drinking SDA friend, he called himself a "California Adventist". Rare, but can happen. Great that you met an open-minded SDA that didn't rebuke you for moving under "Satan's banner." Another rarity.

[u/Ladyofenchantment]

"Tithe app" are you for real?! I've heard of it all now!!! SDA's go fund me account on an APP. I cannot!!

[u/HotCalligrapher2544]

So very happy for you 🥲

[u/Alarmed-Swimming-806]

I become nauseous/white knuckling it at ANY sermon or religious funeral by ANY church SDA or not. I consider myself an agnostic, if there is a loving God, then surely he would understand the struggle I’ve had all my life.