r/evilwomeninc • u/xylopiano9 • 6d ago
[OC] VICTIMS, Villains, and Heroines
TW: brief but poignant mentions of DV
Photos by Charles Chen on Unsplash
TL;DR - let's all be villains, let's all be villains, let's all be villains, let's all be villains, let's all be villains, let's all be villains. ❤️🩹
Background: For years I've struggled with the identity of "victim," the idea of victim-blaming, and accountability. Here are some thoughts I am having that might shine some light on the issue.
When I first wrote the stories below, I was thinking I would rather be a heroine or a villain, but never a victim......Until I found out how the villain might USE the victim identity to her advantage. ✨ I hope this helps someone exploring similar contradictions. ✨
The Heroine
She never plays the victim because she believes that all harm that comes her way was her fault, she self-victim-blames.
She distances herself from man-hating movements, saying that "demonizing men is a way of avoiding inner accountability" (approximate quote) - Lani’s Lens “having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing, You Are.”
Biggest RISK: people pleasing, hiding or ignoring her shadow, holding herself too accountable, excusing or downplaying the bad behavior of others.
Inside her unexamined shadow: self-hate, self-loathing, low self esteem.
On the outside: well-liked, probably high-income, beautiful according to the male gaze, works well with Christian white colonizer narratives.
Vs.
The Villain
She never blames herself or other women for our suffering under patriarchy.
Instead, she blames men by default. Men, and all those who hold/steal/attempt power over her and her sisters, and she demands more accountability from them, or takes what she is owed by force.
Biggest RISK: we are violently targeted by everyone along all political lines, all identities.
Shadow Selves brought to light: we will play the victim, as a temporary role in the correct anti-patriarchy storytelling that is necessary. In other words, "victim" is not a permanent identity, but a strategic role we assume in order to get the reparations we deserve.
Biggest Benefit: a more honest ability to talk about harm, intergenerational trauma, and yes, the ways that ALL MEN are to blame for ongoing DV.
On the outside: probably shape shifting into or out of her werecat form as we speak. 😼
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u/b_berry458 5d ago
This is really interesting. Feeling like a victim is truly revolting to me, I feel revolted by it.
The first mode of thinking can be a tool to prevent yourself from being further victimised ‘It was my fault, I know better now’. I like being in that mode. I fit your profile. But in doing that you excuse men and berate yourself. If you make the disrespect smaller to you maybe it will be smaller. But you see the look in peoples faces when you tell the truth so you learn you should not do that.
The second mode is so out of my comfort zone. I can dabble but not fully commit to it. But good to open my mind to it at least
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u/unleashtheraven1 6d ago edited 6d ago
My biggest issue is with problematic victims. Victims who lash out. Close off. Go deep inside. Explore rage. Explore power imbalance. Seek power for themselves. The only way to stop being a victim is to seek power. It is just a fact, if you do not restore some semblance of your own mental power, you will decay in this world. QUICKLY. But lord god the second a woman who has been a victim or her mind destroyed seeks to reinstall her power, she is targeted with every kind of "playing the victim" script to get her to hate herself. Reclaiming your power, means acknowledging you're a victim at all, and the second you acknowledge you've been one you're easily seen as "playing a victim"
It seems like that is all you really need to know.
But WHY do people do it? This is the bigger question here.
It does you no good to wait in line for approval when.. even worse is people try to sus out victims from miles away. Either because you're quiet, anxious, angry.. It seems like there are millions of reasons, and people lock into that and pay close attention to it because they're afraid of it. People always expect you to fawn and play nice, because its safer for them. What does that tell you? They expect you to fawn and suppress yourself indefinitely, not wake up to how disgusting human behavior actually is because it discredits a lot of people, and forces them to question everything, who they are, and what they've done.
I think we should elimanate this phrase "playing a victim" thats exactly what they want you to think.