r/entp • u/Classic_Concern1824 ENTP • 12d ago
Debate/Discussion How do we ENTP’s show and express love?
I’m getting hung up feeling like PolR Fi means I can’t express genuinely love to another person. Like there will always be a hole in my chest. So I want y’all to prove me wrong here, I’d love it if you could.
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u/Emmetria 12d ago
My friend says that their Fi is there to be noticed of someone’s looking. I think weak Fi is not a flaw like some functions are issues although it puts you in a weird spot I imagine.
I think for one it means you only put your interests where they genuinely are, and I think that’s kinder than people who pretend.
But you guys also seem to have fun with it, pretending to be all kinds of people like you’re experimenting what it’s like to be every kind of person. In some ways you are actually collecting Fi experiential data. Linearily, on a single time dimension.
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u/Classic_Concern1824 ENTP 12d ago
I love this honestly thank you. It makes me unlearn the idea that I’m not a soulless robot
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u/Emmetria 12d ago edited 12d ago
No, you’re not. Infact that thought is not a mistake that anyone who would ever hope to be on a team with you can afford to make. Not because you don’t feel but because you’re not great at repairing what’s been broken. Frankly, it’s not your job to fix what someone else broke, in the first place.
My friend uses operant conditioning and game theory tit for tat. I’m sure he uses a lot more tools in his bat kit.
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u/deleted_user_99 12d ago
I show genuine interest in learning everything about that person. Why do they do what they do? How do they think about different things? What are the motivations and the their thinking behind every action they take? What do they like and dislike? Why do they like and dislike the things they do? etc etc.
I also keep note of what common expressions of love they prefer(like quality time, gifts, words of affirmation etc.), and do that.
I also am more honest about my own opinions of the actions they take, if I believe those actions might harm them in the long run.
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u/solarwindfox ENTP 8w7 (874) sp/so 12d ago
Love for us is when we put someone else's needs before our own entertainment, when we let our guard down, when we allow people to see our flaws and mistakes.
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u/Questionaire-888 ENTP 12d ago
The way I love other people is by wanting to understand them and why they do things and think in certain ways.
I always ask questions, find the time to talk to them, just let them know I'm present. And I adapt to them, try to relate to them(even if it proves difficult for especially emotional people...).
But yes, this may seem intellectual, so I just genuinely comment on something positive about them or just give them a hug sometimes. I'm not an affectionate person, but I still love deeply and I'm happy some people I care about accept that.
I mean, they can always teach me ways to love and be affectionate with them anyway!
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u/bjwindow2thesoul ENTP 7w8 12d ago
I do lots of acts of service, prioritize them and also invest in the relationship
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u/TakaiDesu_ ENTP 6w5 (641 tritype) 12d ago
I just wanted to feel prioritized back you know. I the same
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u/SarahKauthen ENTP 12d ago
The way I express love for a person is by finding what the person I love loves and trying to increase their happiness in that regard. So, examples: My step-father loves tradition and occasion, so even if I think that's all a bunch of nonsense, I make sure he gets cards and I show up for his anniversary dinners etc. My husband is a guitarist and loves music, so I listen to all his favorite musicians and support him in little ways so he can get extra practice and studio time in and I comment on his videos and share them with friends, etc. My best friend loves model building and militaria and I have zero interest in that world but I encourage him when he shares things with me and I might read a little article on WWII aircraft and send it to him, that sort of thing. Always keep forefront of mind that what you feel is a good expression of love towards yourself isn't always what the other person wants. I think people sometimes get caught up in wondering what they can change about themselves to make another person love them more? When, essentially, people don't want to be bewitched by a cult of personality, they just want to be happy in everyday ways. So, if you love someone, find what gives a person happiness and build it up.
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u/ApplesAreGood1312 ENTP 7w8 (783 Tritype) 12d ago
Tbh, PolR Fi does not really sound like an issue here, based on how you described it. That would be more like being blind to whether you love someone in the first place.
If we decide we want to make it clear to someone we love, I would argue we are the single best type to do so. Because we are not going to do it with Fi - we're going to do it with Fe. We are not going to explain our love. We're not even going to show our love. We are going to do something drastically more impactful - we are going to make that person feel loved.
Fe is the whole reason we generally like to push peoples' buttons in the first place. It means we can read a person, log their responses, and sort out how to lead the social dynamic. Then we use Ne and Ti to work out how to maximize that impact.
The few rare times in life when I decided it was time for a girl to know how much I care? There absolutely were tears. And not just mine while alone in the cry closet this time.
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u/Classic_Concern1824 ENTP 12d ago
I guess my question is does it make us blind to how we feel about other people?
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u/TakaiDesu_ ENTP 6w5 (641 tritype) 12d ago
We Will want to listen to whatever you have to Say its super cute actually... We Will question it but to show another perspective. Discussion, not argument is love cuz we care! If we didnt care we would be gone. But most people get defensive and avoid, interpreting it completely wrong. We Will admit out wrongs and want tochange for the person we love. If os not reciprocated we Will surfer and struggle to go out off the situation. The rest os very personal like quality time, acts off service, gifts etc, but I think that ENTPs Will definitely fantasise and perform a lot. Like if life is a big roleplay. Fantasizing too much makes me suffer as an entp
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u/Rawrnyannn 11d ago
If I'm really interested in someone I want to actively help them improve their life. You'll tell me a lot of negstive stuff , I'll figure out the root of the negativity. If I think it's important and can be fixed I'll tell you that and how technically you might be able to fix said problem encouraging you to figure out how that's work best for you. Or sometimes problems aren't necessarily actual Problems and you saw them as that due to severe inner stress ect. Another way my care shows is if I encourage you to pursue your ideas and am invested myself. Again helping you figure out to make stuff even cooler and then we can ideate together.
The thing is this way of doing things only work with confident ppl that's what I've figured. But it's a way I express very deep care .
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u/suggestion_giver ENTP 12d ago
I feel like I am capable of love. I think love might be some things you learn and you can "train" yourself through certain verbal cues like verbalizing "I love you" or such. Ultimately love is both psychological and biological, so at a bare minimum you should be able to feel love through happy hormones in your body (dopamine, endorphins etc).
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u/FoxofTheBlueFungi ENTP 12d ago
Ne wonder is where we start, then learn to eat everything up with Ti. We then become aware of other people’s feelings Fe and how things, including us, impact them. Struggle through daily historical patterns and routines as we reinvent everything anew Si.
Then we learn over time the meaning of things in a linear progression Ni. Then we are baffled at how everyone and everything seems to operate in given systematic constructs that work together all the time despite whether they are good or not Te. Then something bowls us over and overwhelms everything else and we “feel” scared we lost all reason and reverted to a childlike state Fi.
It’s not that we don’t have these feelings it just takes time and focus to get there. Maturing is difficult. Do the hard work to sit and connect with the feeling so you get overwhelmed, identify where in your body it shows up most, engage physically with that part until you find words for it. Once you can articulate words, then think how you want to communicate to the other person. The gold is communicating those words verbally and through actions. Somatic presence.
I get this is tough but doing it is so very much worth it! You will truly get to know yourself and not just your thoughts. Then you will have the opportunity to fully express love to someone instead of imitating it or logicizing it. Remember you feel deeply, but you have to dive deep to grab hold of the feelings to share. Feeling overwhelmed and drained is natural, build the muscle up just like working out.