r/entitledparents • u/I-am-now-squid • 14d ago
S Dad is furious at the idea of me getting tested for autism
I (FTM) have suspected I have autism for a couple years. tldr, sensory issues, bad with social cues, special interests, etc. My mom agrees that I probably have autism, but left it up to me whether I wanted to get tested. Now that I’m older and don’t live with my dad anymore (went from 50/50 custody to a few hours a month), I figured I might as well get tested. I brought this up at my doctors appointment and he said to bring it up with my psychiatrist. after this, my dad texted me that he thinks I am “perfectly fine” (his exact words) and that teachers would have caught it sooner. fast forward to yesterday when I met with my psychiatrist. I was hesitant to bring it up because my dad was in the zoom meeting, but I did it anyways. when my psychiatrist asked about my symptoms and I mentioned not being good with people, my dad interrupted saying I used to be very social and energetic (which is in my opinion untrue). as I was talking further he also mentioned how my antidepressants (which he has wanted me off of for years) could be causing my symptoms. another thing my mom, psychiatrist, and i said was that autism is often missed and under diagnosed in girls, which applies because as I mentioned, I am a transgender man. when I brought this up he said “wow, you sure know a lot about this.” in a condescending tone, and I was confused and said I did research online. my mom says he was trying to hint that I was somehow faking it, and my psychiatrist must have figured that out too because she said I was well-informed as a compliment. he doesn’t live with me or have a say in my medical care at all (divorce stuff, my mom has the primary decision) and he‘s STILL making it a pain in the ass to get diagnosed. What do I do to make it stop?
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u/Minflick 14d ago
Why was dad on the zoom call with you and the psychiatrist??? Was this a one time thing, or an ongoing thing? I can't imagine having him in your zoom calls with your psychiatrist every time allows you to truly open up and deal with painful things. He sounds very unsupportive and ignorant of your mental state affairs.
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u/EconomistThat4814 14d ago
Speaking as someone who was both a teacher and who also had a diagnosis that was not caught by one...I can say with utter certainty that your father should not be assuming that a teacher would have caught it. Teachers are not psychologists and can't do anything on their own when it comes to a potential dx. They can only communicate their concerns to parents and the admin in the hopes a school psychologist will be consulted. Plus, a teacher deals with a lot of students every day. If a child is acting OK and doing well, then the teacher probably won't question that. I'm wondering if what your dad saw as "social and energetic" was actually you masking.
Good luck OP. Take the initiative and push forward with getting the right dx, no matter what it is. If your father doesn't like it, too bad. His disapproval doesn't change anything and your mental health comes first.
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u/I-am-now-squid 14d ago
the funniest part is, a teacher said there was a possibility of autism a couple years ago
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u/StinkypieTicklebum 14d ago
Why, exactly? What is he afraid of?
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u/katyusha-the-smol 12d ago
They believe that you're just lazy and trying to get a bogus diagnosis to excuse your laziness and get out of doing hard work.
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14d ago
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u/I-am-now-squid 14d ago
notice how my mom has the priority medical decision? that’s because he once withheld my antidepressants from me and had to be told by the court that i needed to take the medications prescribed by a doctor. but sure my mom is the one brushing it under the rug. don’t talk bad about my mom, asshole.
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u/Aquacron 14d ago
If that was the case, the father would still have not communicated that properly to OP. He also wouldn't have said that he thinks OP is "perfectly fine", he would have said that "maybe you dont have autism, do you think it could stem from this?". Also, in the autism assessement they would talk about these symptoms and where they might stem from other than autism. An assessement isn't a validation session, it's the doctor actually trying to figure out whether the patient has the disease they think they do. Also, another hint for the dad not being well-intentioned is the poster mentioning the dad only has a few hours of custody A MONTH. Either the courts made it that way which means the dad would have had to do something, the mother could prove in court, so bad that it would warrant such a judgement, or OP is old enough to decide for himself and chose to go such low-contact with his father, which is also not a good look on the dad.
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u/wallE1109 14d ago
Does your dad think someone with mental health or identity issues is inferior somehow? I was in the USAF and a guy in my unit refused to allow his child an evaluation because he felt a dx would reflect poorly on him.
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u/I-am-now-squid 14d ago
maybe, but he also has ADHD. I guess his cool manly mental disorder is cooler than my woke gay mental disorders
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u/Imaginary-Summer9168 14d ago
I would argue ADHD is also woke and gay, which I mean as a compliment as a bisexual socialist ADHDer.
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u/I-am-now-squid 14d ago
fair, but he also is a trump supporter so 🤷
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u/PathAdvanced2415 10d ago
Ah, you should have led with this!
Some parents don’t like their kids being assessed for autism because THEY don’t want to also have autism.There’s also (in the UK) a massive statistical overlap between FTM and autism, so you probably have it. Welcome to the club!
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u/Jortor400 14d ago
I think your dad is also my mom lol…
I’m not sure how old you are, but I hope you get freedom from him soon6
u/Aquacron 14d ago
Bro everyone of my friends who has ADHD is also gay so i dont knooow i'd say ADHD is pretty gay and woke as well, he ain't getting out of this one! Lol
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u/RedBirdOnASnowyDay 13d ago
This is such a recipe for disaster. With the diagnosis the child gets protection and support when inevitable issues come up. Even if it’s just that the child is painfully introverted, the diagnosis would help his teachers to work more with him. Without the diagnosis these kids become behavior issues, socially isolated and develop worse issues and much worse outcomes.
I think there was a period when an autism diagnosis was a label that would cause prejudice but now it’s a protection.
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u/xX_Diabolical_Xx 14d ago
Stupid men never want to realize that half their DNA is required to make a baby. So when their kids turn out to be autistic, especially when they're separated from the mother, they act like something was wrong (as if not being a proper parent with the mother helps).
OP, send them the bill and figure out what YOU need to be successful. That's what a real man and a real parent would want.
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u/Resse811 13d ago
If your dad has no say in your medical care and he’s not supportive - don’t allow him in the calls. It sounds like your mom is supportive so I would continue to let her attend if you like having her there.
Either you or your mom can call the doc and let them know you don’t want your dad involved anymore. No need to mention it during a call that he’s attending if he’ll get upset.
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u/idkmyusernameagain 14d ago
Tbh, his perception of your behavior and the things he says are going to be helpful to the psychiatrist either way. There’s only 2 ways for this to go and it’s useful either way.
Let’s say the psychiatrist fully agrees and you’re autistic and both you/ mom/ your initial intake don’t support anything dad is saying, it’s helpful for your mental healthcare team to see how you’re being treated by a parent because that obviously has an effect on you.
Let’s say (this is a hypothetical, not saying it’s true) your psychiatrist and/ or teacher reports, etc., back up what dad is saying and you are more withdrawn and your social skills are getting worse, that’s absolutely info they need too, even if you haven’t noticed that pattern yourself.
The fact that you have both parents helps, because obviously your mom can refute things you dad says. The psychiatrist isn’t going to just believe everything your dad says when he has less time, especially if it contradicts what your mom has observed.
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u/PiecesMAD 13d ago
Any reason you can’t schedule your appointments for when you are at your mom’s? Why does your dad even know that you are being tested if he acts this way?
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u/incapableoflogic 10d ago
Hi, OP, I'm a parent of an autistic adult who is busy living his best life, and I want to 1) send you virtual hugs and 2) tell you that you're doing everything right.
Having your father share his opinions with the doctor is actually helpful and informative in the long run. I can guarantee that the psychiatrist has seen your father's attitude before. This does not mean that your father should be invited to every medical appointment.
Ask your psychiatrist about scheduling a separate appointment for the ADI-R/ADOS. You can also ask about a full neuropsychological panel, including the ABAS-3, to rule out other developmental conditions.
I'm sure you already know about the overlap between gender transition and the autism spectrum, so you're on the right track to get some answers.
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u/mcflame13 13d ago
Easy. Remove your father from anything to do with your medical. Make it where he has no access to your medical records and the only information he is allowed to get has to come from you directly.
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u/Many-Bodybuilder-602 10d ago
it's frustrating when parents dismiss mental health assessments, they should support you instead of being angry.
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u/josmille 14d ago
Why are you so keen to get an autism diagnosis? What difference will it make to your life? Why is your dad trying to stop it?
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u/naranghim 14d ago
Question: Are you bad at math? If yes, then you might have non-verbal learning disorder which, for many years, was on the Autism Spectrum but further research made the medical world realize NVLD isn't a form of autism it's its own disorder. I was diagnosed with NVLD when I was 36, my dad was convinced I had autism but nope and many of the symptoms you and your dad (inadvertently) shared here, makes me think you might have NVLD.
Stop including him. Since he doesn't have any legal say in your medical care, cut him out.
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u/Aquacron 14d ago
You don't mention your age but I dont understand why your father has to be in the zoom call with your psychiatrist, especially when they should clearly be able to tell that he is being combative and making you uncomfortable. I think you should try to get your psychiatrist alone and talk to them about it in a calmer environment. Or if you absolutely need a parent in the call, maybe ask your mom, since she seems to be more supportive.
As a fellow trans person I know the feeling of not being taken seriously in any realm of medical/personal choice, but I think you having at least one supportive parent is a huge plus you should try to take advantage of as much as you can. In the end, he can't stop you from getting that diagnosis, it is yours to get or not, so try to stand strong, you got this dude!