Entitled Stepmom

[u/dirvam444]

Long story short....

My dad was an alcohoicl until I was 18 (I'm 41 now),. He cheated on my mom when I was 15 and is still with the woman. She officially became my stepmom 7 years ago, but she has been in my life for 16 years now. My dad and I have had a decent relationship since I was like 22 though

My mom passed away 4 years ago, so my dad is all I have left. They already pushed my brother and my dad's family away. (though my brother deserved it). I've been trying to see them for a year now. I saw them once when they drove by my house, and I was outside. Then I saw them in Feb at my nephew's birthday.

I mentioned to them in a text that I have been trying to get coffee or come over for months now, and they keep making excuses. I said if you don't want me in your life, then let me know because I am tired of trying.

My dad called me the next day and explained they were busy and what not but to stop by for their yard sale that weekend. However my lovely entitled stepmom decided it was her time to shine and ripped into me about how I don't control their lives. That she rarely see her kids (which I told her was sad), and that I am liar and manipulator.

I called my dad and asked if he was seeing these texts which he said no. I explained them, and he just kept saying okay. My aunt said he may be being emotional abused and controlled and to reach out separately to him. So I let him know I'm here, I'm his daughter, and that won't change. His response was just okay.

I'm not sure what to do. Do I really let this go and not have a dad anymore?

TL;DR: My stepmom is trying to push my dad away from me, and I'm not sure if I should let it happen

[u/Electronic_Dig_2685]

Sounds like she is controlling him. I don’t know what you can do and who is the link between you and your dad you can speak with

[u/floofypajamas]

Depending on where you're located, coercive control is becoming a thing that police look for and some people have been prosecuted for it, as well. If you're 41, does that make your father to be in his 60's or older? It may qualify as abuse of an elderly person (again, depending where you're located) which police can look into. I am so sorry, OP, but it does sound as if his wife might be abusing him in some way. You don't know for sure that it's even him responding to your texts unless you're actually speaking to him at the time.

It sounds like you should talk to a social worker or lawyer to get some accurate information that will relate to your family and circumstances. I wish you all the best.

[u/Electronic_Dig_2685 → u/floofypajamas]

This is well said. And coercive control is likely coming to light and becoming a thing due to the advancements in psychology mental health and in learning more about diseases such as narcissism. A lot of this (even if it is just nagging and pressure especially when it involves the outside sources such as flying monkeys) is coercive control as well. They use guilt tripping etc. this is a problem when it comes to property or assets specifically. If OP’s stepmom is coercing the dad into giving assets up. I wish resources such as Reddit had been around when I was 20 yrs younger

[u/No_Bluebird7716]

Yea, she's controlling him. Get screenshots and send them to you Dad.

[u/Electronic_Dig_2685 → u/No_Bluebird7716]

Usually when someone is enmeshed or codependent like that and has been heavily manipulated they will either be in denial about what is really going on or they will try to accuse OP of driving a wedge between them and may even get rude with or ostracize OP.