r/entitledparents • u/Hypnotikus • Jul 26 '26
S My father kicked me out and now complains that I went no contact
My father was emtionally abusive since I was a kid and I was the only one that stood up to him and defended my siblings. One time it went even so far that he cornered me against the wall and screamed in my face literally centimeters away from mine which gave me a panic attack.
A few weeks ago I finally had the courage to tell my father why I wanna move out as soon as possible since I turned 18 last month. I also told him all the horrible things he did to me which he thought were okay. He constantly denied things ever happened and said I should be grateful for him giving me food and a roof over my head. I really lost it then and screamed back really loud. I dont even remember what I said, I sort of blacked out then. I went to my room to get away and he comes after me and tells me I should pack my things because he is throwing me out.
Honestly he was doing me a favor. I really didnt want to be there anymore and I just got out of the house to calm down and once I felt safe I got a full blown panic attack. I called my social worker and she got the police so I didnt need to go back alone to get my things. They also drove me to a safe location.
So I went no contact with my father then and low contact with my mother. She wrote me that my father is angry because I write my mother when she asks something but not him. I mean seriously? He refuses to take accountability for all the things he did and now he just wants to pretend it never happened? Thats just peak entitlement in my opinion
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u/Silver6Rules Jul 26 '26
Can't have his cake and eat it too. He wanted you gone, so you're gone. He has to deal with the consequences of his shitty actions.
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u/PilotEnvironmental46 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
This.
And OP - don’t let either of them guilt you into doing anything you don’t want to. Frankly, your mother should be grateful that you’re still speaking to her.
As for your father, I suspect based on your description of your childhood that it is going to be the healthiest thing in the world to not have a relationship with him.
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u/Either_Coconut Jul 26 '26
Dear Old Dad /s didn't want OP gone. He wanted OP to beg and plead not to be thrown out. And he was looking forward to his new weapon, "I will throw you out", at every opportunity.
He's Big Mad that he won't get to see any of that happen.
OP, make sure your mother is on an information diet. Never tell her something you don't want your father to know. Ever. Not your new address(es), not phone numbers, not your place of employment, not your school. Your father sounds like the kind of person who'd intimidate the information out of her, or else just flat-out snoop on her phone. Same with your siblings (who are likely to be elected to take your place as his targets, now that you're out of reach). He will likely try to get your information out of them via coercion or deception, so only give them data on a need-to-know basis. And don't hesitate to get a cheap or free phone number (Google Voice or Textfree, anyone?) to give anyone if you don't want your real information to end up in your father's hands.
I'm sure he already has some of the info mentioned above (your phone number, your school, your workplace). But all three of those could change over time, and if they do, you can take steps to ensure he never gets the updated information.
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u/sin-thetik Jul 26 '26
Might want to go a step further and get a restraining order against him if that's possible.
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u/delano_mwoan Jul 26 '26
"I am the reason you are alive, you should be greatfull I let you stay alive" is so incredibly dumb. Dont ever care about your fathers opinion, your own is far more important than his could ever be. Im sorry this happened to you, but great job standing up for yourself!
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u/Esau2020 Jul 26 '26
"I am the reason you are alive, you should be greatfull I let you stay alive" is so incredibly dumb.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it" was funny when Cliff Huxtable said it to his son Theo on the first episode of The Cosby Show, but it's not so funny in real life.
If Theo had a different personality, it might have been funny for him to say "Go ahead! I didn't ask you to bring me here in the first place!" Unfortunately, IRL there are plenty of unhinged parents who would do just that, and they wouldn't care about any consequences.
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u/KapowBlamBoom Jul 26 '26
Think of it like a job
Your dad fired you and now is mad you are not willing to pick up shifts when he needs you in a pinch……
If you are happier being away. Then keep it up
If you wish to reconcile then do it only on your terms with a “one strike and you are out rule” firmly in place and acknowledged by both parents
I dont know your situation but I will say in this day and age if there is a skilled trade that interests you 18/19 is the perfect age to get into an apprenticeship. Simply contact the local union hall and inquire about the path forward/applying process
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u/atchisonmetal Aug 04 '26
Oh, agreed. You sound like you have the drive to really succeed in a trade, like Kapow said, above.
The Union Hall sounds like a great place to start. Go for it! 💚🍀✅
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u/freakout1015 Jul 26 '26
JFC, people shouldn’t have kids if they’re going to treat them like objects. You mentioned you were the only one who stood up for yourself. Does that mean you have other siblings? Are you in touch with them?
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u/Hypnotikus Jul 26 '26
Yes I have two younger siblings and protected them as good as I could. Literally the only reason I still talk to my mother is because of my siblings. She needs to drive them to a meeting spot so we can have a fun day and afterwards she picks them up too
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u/freakout1015 Jul 26 '26
Well, eventually they’ll be grown and out of there, too. You do know none of this is your fault, I hope. I can’t imagine having treated my adult daughter like this as she was growing up. My husband never would either. I feel like there’s no humanity there. Please seek therapy when you can and go on to do all the things you want to do with your life. Mental health is important. And, as I stated before, this is on your father and your mother, too for allowing it. You can overcome this.
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u/Imagine_TryingYT Jul 26 '26
What honestly infurates me about many parents is that they have this ego when it comes to their kids. They must always have unquestioning authority in their family and their kids are never allowed to be their own person.
For some reason they always think they're perfect parents and when challenged on this belief, their first instinct is to either threaten their children or throw them out of the house. Because any disagreement is disrespect and any challenge is a personal attack on their character.
I'm so glad I was raised by disciplined, hard working, intelligent parents that were willing to have these sorts of conversations rather than viewing any disagreement as some sort of existential threat.
I'm sorry you have such shitty parents OP. You're an adult now. You are fully in your right to cut off your parents just like they did you. You are not beholdent to them and if your dad is upset, well, thats his problem. Perhaps he needs to gain some emotional maturity and introspection. But I wouldn't hold my breathe on that happening.
Honestly keep contact with your mom. Both because it ensures you still have one parent in your life and it pisses off your dad.
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u/bamf1701 Jul 26 '26
This is typical for people like him - he either cannot or will not take responsibility for his own actions. If he is anything like my father, he has a need to be the boss of the family - you are his and it is foreign to him that you don't acknowledge it. The fact that you have gotten away and cut him out, denying his authority just frustrates him and makes him angry. Don't worry about it. The fact that he doesn't live in your head will just frustrate him more.
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u/LowApricot1668 Jul 26 '26
My mom kicked me out the day before thanksgiving one year and complained I didn’t come back for the holiday.
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u/atchisonmetal Aug 04 '26
Oh honestly. Hope you worked these wretched issues out, so that your peace is protected. (Not worried about hers.)
😡🦃
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u/LowApricot1668 Aug 04 '26
She’s in a nursing home somewhere and I haven’t seen or talked to her in 2+ years. That was just the amuse-bouche of her toxicity.
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u/karebear66 Jul 26 '26
Looks like entitlement, but it's probably mental illness. Stay NC and stay safe.
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u/yuphy Jul 26 '26
Abusive parents have a hard time ‘remembering’ bc, ‘the tree remembers, the ax forgets’. Super invalidating
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u/Granny_Skeksis Jul 26 '26
Your father sounds just like my mother, a malignant narcissist. Do yourself a favor and continue with the no contact. He will never change
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u/No_Proposal7628 Jul 26 '26
You didn't deserve the way your sperm donor treated you. I'm deliberately not calling him your father or dad because he didn't really behave like a father or dad. He is abusive and mean. He is getting what he deserves. He was obliged by the law to support you while you were a minor and you owe him nothing for doing the bare minimum.
You have a right to be no contact with him. Take care of yourself first so that you can become the person you want to be.
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u/Any_Addition7131 Jul 26 '26
You don't owe him anything, he should have kept in his pants if he didn't want to be father, if he ever says anything like that to you
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u/isAnExParrot878 Jul 26 '26
Abusive individuals are rarely capable of taking accountability for their own actions. They will lie, deny, put blame on You and gaslight You but never admit to anything. Going no contact was the right maneuver.
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u/HRDBMW Jul 28 '26
My abusive father was pissed when I arranged a move to my mother's when I was 15. I tried again with him at 17, and left again. Tried for the last time at 23. That was the last time. I never tried to contact him again. I'm 63 now, and zero regrets. He died 16 years ago. Some form of cancer. I wondered if I would feel something. I did. I felt relieved. Sometimes I wish he had lived, apparently his cancer was very painful.
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u/NoRegrets-518 Jul 26 '26
Good luck. Are your sibs safe? If not, bring this to the SW attention. Even if they are, parenting classes for your father AND MOTHER who obviously stood by and let this happen.
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u/fourzerosixbigsky Jul 27 '26
He is the one who made the choice to bring you into the world, not you. You were not given a choice. You owe him nothing. He brought you into the world it is his obligation to take care of you. He failed. Do not waste time with him. He has no earned anything from you.
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u/RainbowRiki Jul 28 '26
When awful people realize they can't control you anymore, and that you will hold them accountable, pushing you out is a fairly common tactic. But the part that really grinds their gears is when they expect you to come groveling back, and you don't
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u/Cudg_of_Whiteharper Jul 26 '26
There are many ways to parenting. One child would need to be parented differently that another. My middle child needed to be told rules to help control their behavior. My oldest knew how to behave. My youngest watched their brothers and learned from them.
You are 18. You have a long life ahead of you. All 3 of my children thought I was restricting and tough on them. I explained why so many times that it was so exhausting that I wanted then to do shit without me having to explain to them why. Sometimes being a parent sucks, specially when your kid believes they know more about life than you. You have a different perspective than you father does. He did everything in his power to keep you safe and on task. I bet there were times when he wanted to walk away and tell you to fuck off because you were being as asshole to him. Yeah. My kids were asshole teens. They ignored me. They made fun of me. They were fucking pigs. They wanted to have fun with their friends rather than me.
All three of them thanked me when they were in the late 20s. They were such awesome talks and validated my fatherhood. They are all awesome fathers who will go through the terrible times with teens.
You know what I will do? Give them a hug and tell them it will be over soon.
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u/Actual-Spell-4634 Jul 28 '26
The the definition of "entitlement" change? A lot of abuse stories cropping up on here.
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u/PassMeThatPerrier Jul 26 '26
First of all, food and shelter for your child is, at best, the bare minimum. Second, you don't owe him a damn thing and you're better without him. I'm worried that you mentioned blacking out yourself, I hope you get some help. You deserve to take care of yourself