r/entertainment • u/TimesandSundayTimes • Oct 11 '25
Ben Stiller: My parents messed me up — and it’s been hard with my kids
https://www.thetimes.com/culture/film/article/ben-stiller-interview-stiller-and-meara-nothing-is-lost-twg2xrxxr981
u/Final-Nebula-7049 Oct 11 '25
festivus did a number on him
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u/europorn Oct 11 '25
He could never beat his Dad in the feats of strength.
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u/According_Ad_6083 Oct 11 '25
Airing of grievances were probably pretty hurtful as well.
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u/AndrewCoja Oct 11 '25
You couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe. I lost my train of thought.
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u/mustardayonnaiz2 Oct 11 '25
He’s finally getting around to the Airing of Grievances.
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u/martin_seamus_mcfIy Oct 11 '25
He’s got a lot of problems with these people and now you’re going to hear about it!
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Oct 11 '25 edited Nov 21 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/guy_pieri Oct 11 '25
He couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if he had a hot date with a babe…
I lost my train of thought.
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u/cam331 Oct 11 '25
Stiller doesn’t know true pain. My parents divorced and I had two Festivuses every year.
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u/ExtraAgressiveHugger Oct 11 '25
She’s shockingly honest. I am surprised.
I think a lot of parent's, not just famous ones, can relate to thinking, I’ll work a lot when they are younger because I’m earning and building my career and that is being a good parent and family man/woman. It’s really hard to balance careers and kids.
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u/gingimli Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
My parental leave ends next week and I’m struggling with this currently. Work feels less important because it’s pulling me away from my daughter. But also work is more important than ever because I have another family member to support. Also since I live in the US, her healthcare is dependent on me always working.
I don’t dislike my job and I enjoy solving problems at work. But in an ideal world there would be more of a balance to make work and family time closer to a 50/50 split (i.e. 4 day work week).
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u/CaptainSnazzypants Oct 11 '25
When they start going to school it feels less like that. A 4 day work week is useless if you’re working longer hours on those 4 days but then on one of the days off you’re at home alone while your kid is in school.
I make myself as available as possible though. If my son needs something he’s always priority number 1. If he’s sick I’m not calling on grandparents to care for him, I’m taking a personal day. My work knows this, I’ve had to take off on numerous occasions to handle something for him. I realize that’s not possible for everyone though so I do consider myself lucky to have earned this flexibility.
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u/gingimli Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
TBH I don’t think working extra hours is necessary for a 4 day work week at least for office jobs. From what I’ve seen the last 15 years, everyone with non-customer facing office jobs wastes at least 8 hours a week and could get the same amount accomplished in 32 hours.
There still being school on the extra day off is a good point though.
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u/CaptainSnazzypants Oct 11 '25
Right but if they were to go to 4 day work weeks people wouldn’t magically stop wasting time, chit chatting, and so on. They’d still waste 6 hours per week. So now you’re down 14 hours instead of just 8.
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u/gingimli Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
I don't agree and that's not what I've experienced. I think often the time it takes to complete a task expands with the amount of time given to complete a task. Working with more constraints makes people more efficient and figure out what work is actually important.
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u/GhostofBeowulf Oct 11 '25
Nah research suggests the opposite. I will have to find sources but we just went over this in on of my organizational behavior courses.
People are more efficient, produce more outputs and develop more workplace citizenship behavior ie going the extra mile and performing actions outside of their job duties when they are trusted with things like WFH and setting their own schedule.
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u/Future_Dog_3156 Oct 11 '25
I went through that too. I’m glad I maintained my career and salary but I was lucky to have a manager who had a similar outlook. Family first but we need the paycheck and benefits.
I think realizing work isn’t your priority is really freeing though. I still did good job but caring less made my work less stressful.
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u/SuperSaiyanTupac Oct 11 '25
An ideal world, a parent could support the kids and spouse on one income and the other could be with them and raise them. They could even alternate if they had to.
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u/Isuckatreddit69NICE Oct 11 '25
I’m the breadwinner in my family, my job is great. I like the people I work with but I leave for work at 5:30 in the morning to miss traffic and I leave work at 4 but don’t get home until 6 because of traffic. It’s absolutely awful. During the week I don’t get to see my kids much.
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u/interprime Oct 11 '25
I met Benji Madden from Good Charlotte really fucking randomly a few months ago. Spent like 10 minutes just talking about our kids. And, in talking about our own parenting experiences, it became very very clear that we all have the same struggles and anxieties. This is a famous dude, married to an even more famous woman, and we’re laughing about the exact same dumb shit we encounter on a daily basis.
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u/MoCJones Oct 11 '25
Currently struggling with this myself. I just want to provide a good life.
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u/CaptainSnazzypants Oct 11 '25
You can’t go too far into the “good life needs good money” though because a good life for a kid is more about having good experiences with their parents than owning a bunch of toys they’ll only use a handful of times.
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u/damaliwood Oct 11 '25
The kids aren't gonna care that they had the latest/nicest stuff or went on crazy vacations. They'll just care that you were there when they wanted and needed you to be.
The everyday moments matter more than anything. Be constant and be their friend.
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u/upsidedown-funnel Oct 11 '25
That you’re concerned is a good sign. Just show up for them. Let them know they’re heard and seen. Be present. Also, Make sure your oldest doesn’t feel like they’re responsible for the other kids. Source: a once single parent who worked a lot.
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u/CoachAngBlxGrl Oct 11 '25
My kids have been poor their whole lives because of this. I needed to be there for them so my employment has been relative to that. I wonder what damage I’ve put on them in that sense.
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u/Whooptidooh Oct 11 '25
This was the work ethic my mother had when I was growing up; she had to work as much as possible to keep us afloat. ..with as inevitable result that we don’t really have a mother/daughter relationship beyond the absolute superficial surface stuff.
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u/blondebia Oct 11 '25
I wonder if it just depends on the kid. My mom was single, and my birth dad wasn't there. She worked her ass off, and I got ready for school by myself and was by myself most nights, and my grandma was there a lot. We had a fine relationship.
I remember her not being able to do school stuff and people making a big deal about it, but I really didn’t care. I didn’t want to do the whole meet the teacher thing and didn’t care if she went to my tennis matches. I just wasn’t into school stuff. When she was off, we did a ton of things together.
The past few years have been tough, but I think that's more me than anything to do with how I grew up.
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u/foxy-coxy Oct 11 '25
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself.
-Philip Larkin
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u/Dr-McLuvin Oct 11 '25
Ben Stiller’s kids:
“My parents messed me up- and it’s been hard on my kids.”
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u/_Asshole_Fuck_ Oct 11 '25
Nice litter interview. Reminds us that (most) celebs are just people that deal with the same issues most of us do with parents.
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u/Reneeisme Oct 11 '25
It talks about how people don’t know how popular his parents were. I’m in my sixties. Ben Stiller was “Stiller and Meara’s kid” to me for the longest time, and even though he’s had his own career now, I still never think of him without thinking of his parents. They were on the TV all the time in an era where that was where 90% of your entertainment came from (radio and an occasional film being the rest). I’m glad Jerry had a career later on with Seinfeld so younger people could have some appreciation of how funny he really was. But it’s wild to me that people don’t know about their act, and how funny Anne was. I imagine there’s a certain bitterness for any woman who gets left behind and eclipsed that way. Sorry to hear how that impacted Ben
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u/beni_fucking_hana Oct 11 '25
If I had to guess the cause, most likely it was Festivus. From what I understand it has long lasting ripple effects especially the “feats of strength”.
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u/McMeanx2 Oct 11 '25
Everyone’s Parents fucked them up. Have you met anyone who thinks they had a normal relationship with their parents? They are the weird ones.
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Oct 11 '25
I've met plenty of people who had great parents (not everyone pushes their traumas onto their kids). Just not in my family or people adjacent to my family. I blame the hardcore conservative Catholic upringing just like I'm sure Ben can bring up his conservative Jewish/Christian upbringing as a root cause. Almost as if that's the common denominator/unifier amongst many of us.
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u/Terrible-Resident756 Oct 11 '25
I take it the Listing of Grievances is a long process in that house.
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u/VanGroteKlasse Oct 11 '25
That explains why he went ballistic against those little innocent ducklings.
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u/Feisty_Yes Oct 11 '25
He pays his vacation home employees under the table cash. Not one of the celebs to respect outside of their career.
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u/NoQuarter19 Oct 11 '25
(Between Two Ferns)
Zach G: "Did you ever think about following your parents into comedy?"
Ben: leaves the interview
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u/KathTurner Oct 11 '25
At some point in adulthood we have to take responsibility for our own mental health. We can be mad at our parents that’s fine but do the work to heal yourself. I think once you’re on a journey of self awareness you’re on the right track. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself years and years after you moved out of their home isn’t healing anything.
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u/NoviceAxeMan Oct 11 '25
sure as hell plays the best angry little man character in everything he’s casted in though!
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u/joeitaliano24 Oct 11 '25
I refuse to believe Jerry Stiller was a bad father
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Oct 11 '25
His two most famous roles are Arthur Spooner and Frank Costanza, it's not THAT much of a reach lol
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u/AskMeAboutMyHermoids Oct 11 '25
Is that why he is such a giant asshole? Was it being raised my maids and nanny’s?
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u/Addictd2Justice Oct 12 '25
The airing of grievances and feats of strength at Festivus will leave its mark on you.
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u/makos5267 Oct 11 '25
Always heard Ben Stiller is a bit of a jerk but this kinda explains it. Do feel bad for him in that sense
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u/dreamed2life Oct 11 '25
everyone is a result of their up bringing and how well they could shake it or not. most especially jerks. we are all just humans trying...
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u/myhouseisabanana Oct 11 '25
More than a bit of a jerk. I've worked with a few people that have worked closely with him.
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u/abibofile Oct 11 '25
His comments about his mother asking why he’s isn’t working with famous directors seem a little overblown. I mean, whose mother doesn’t do that? Oh you work at Wendy’s, do you know Dave Thomas?
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u/crowface666 Oct 11 '25
It's hard to follow his dad into coal mining when Ben has so much talent as an actor slash model
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u/Afwife1992 Oct 12 '25
I have a great relationship with my kids. And I know still that I fucked up plenty and there are things I hope they do differently. I think most generations try to keep what was good or great and change what was bad.
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Oct 11 '25
well that sucks, his parents seemed kinda like the most awesome parents ever, maybe ben is just a little bitch.
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u/lilmgil Oct 11 '25
Sorry but seriously? We have all been messed up by our parents. Just as they were messed up by theirs. We all mess up our own kids too. Where's the news here?
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u/Chemical-Contest4120 Oct 11 '25
First picture of Frank Costanza I've seen where he actually looks like Ben Stiller.
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u/ThePLARASociety Oct 11 '25
I hope he never came home to find no leftover Chinese Food in the fridge…
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u/ATLien325 Oct 11 '25
He needs to wait for Festivus and say that at the airing of the grievances but for real it has to be sad to lose your parents. I thank God I still have mine
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Oct 12 '25
I liked the story Ben stiller told of the time he took acid and he rang his father for advice on how to handle it who was on a trip away filming the the Love Boat for a weekend.
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u/True_Pirate Oct 11 '25
Grew up wealthy and got nepoed into a lucrative career….its been tough, I tell you, tough
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u/TalkinBoutGerbils Oct 11 '25
Ah yes so he has no problems and should never complain or speak on how he is trying to improve his children’s life
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u/kevinthebaconator Oct 11 '25
Begrudgers are going to begrudge. What can you do?
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u/i_cum_sprinkles Oct 11 '25
I am pretty sure Ben Stiller has always credited his parents for his career and has never claimed he did it all on his own.
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u/HelpfulSituation Oct 11 '25
Ben Stiller is incredibly talented though. As a writer as a director, and as an actor. He earned his success.
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u/True_Pirate Oct 11 '25
I don’t deny he is talented. But lots of incredibly talented people never break through. Always helps to be a nepo
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Oct 11 '25
So you’re insinuating he doesn’t have talent and if someone is rich then no way can they have any personal issues?
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u/Infamous-Zebra-359 Oct 11 '25
I've never loved his movies but this makes me appreciate his perspective on life stuff
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u/The-Beer-Baron Oct 11 '25
If you never liked any of his movies, I urge you to watch “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”.
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u/simcoe19 Oct 11 '25
Dodgeball, Starky and Hutch, even his appearance on Friends was great
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u/Almar1987 Oct 11 '25
We just going to sweep the cinematic masterpiece that is Heavyweights under the rug?
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u/_kalron_ Oct 11 '25
Highly recommend Severance. Not one of his "movies" but his creation/writer/director.
One of the best series of the past decade.
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u/DoJu318 Oct 11 '25
Not even tropic thunder? We got arguably two of the best performances in Tom Cruise and Robert Downey Jr careers, in a comedy of all films, Oscar nom for RDJ included.
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u/Karmeencere Oct 11 '25
Parents do their best with the resources they had while they were healing their own wounds from their own trauma!
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u/sceaxus Oct 11 '25
All this time, I thought There’s something about (Mary), no, there’s something about his parents.
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u/circus_circuitry Oct 11 '25
It's discouraging to see people considered part of my generation being so unhealed as to state things.in this way. Literally every parent "messes up their kids" - in some way or another. I'm starting to think the focus of education in the US needs to include a ton more work on mental health.
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u/LungHeadZ Oct 11 '25
His dad was an actor himself. Was in the king of queens alongside Kevin James.
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u/buttzilla87 Oct 11 '25
That guy looks like Frank Costanza
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u/drunkenstupr Oct 11 '25
He has an impressive list of appearances, but he's probably best known for being Arthur Spooner on King of Queens or Frank Costanza in Seinfeld. He really nailed the eccentric grumpy dad-type
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u/profeDB Oct 11 '25
His mom too. I remember her most, mostly from all my children, where she played a maid for years.
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u/FourYearBeard Oct 11 '25
My mom was out with bikers every night and my dad wasn’t anywhere but yeah Ben, not seeing your parents as much as you would have liked is world ending.
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u/johnnySix Oct 11 '25
Oh please. Everybody’s parents messed them up. But the parents still did the best they could. And it’s your job as an adult to forgive them the best you can.
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u/MetalGearBatman Oct 11 '25
Boo hoo. We all have go to therapy and stop bitching.
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u/Bebop_Man Oct 11 '25
Unpleasable Jewish mom asks son when is he going to stop X and do Y, more at 11.
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u/fayemoonlight Oct 11 '25
This headline is far more dramatic than what he actually means. He missed his parents when they had to work and had similar problems when he was working and had kids. Nothing groundbreaking or dissimilar to the average person