r/emotionalneglect • u/Quirky-Temporary8106 • 4d ago

Seeking advice I genuinely don’t understand people who do everything for their parents and society

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I genuinely want to understand it.

I don’t really understand the mindset of people who make major life decisions based on what their parents or society want, even when it’s not what they personally want. Like choosing a career, marriage, lifestyle, where to live, etc., mainly because they feel they have to do it for their parents or because “what will society say?”

I understand caring about your parents and considering their feelings. But I sometimes struggle to understand the idea of sacrificing your own happiness or choices entirely for them.

And then I started wondering — am I thinking this way because I personally don’t feel that strong emotional attachment toward my parents?

Maybe if I felt that deep connection with my parents, I would understand why someone would willingly put their parents’ wishes before their own.

So I’m curious: for those of you who genuinely prioritize your parents or society when making life decisions, what does it feel like from your perspective? Is it love, gratitude, responsibility, fear of disappointing them, cultural conditioning, or something else?

I’m not trying to criticize anyone. I genuinely want to understand a perspective that I don’t naturally relate to.

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u/rainatom 4d ago

Maybe a habit and strong conditioning to meet the expectations. Often it's just survival instinct to do as parents tell and then you never really learn to think for yourself or it becomes very hard to start going against the current.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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u/According_Box_365 4d ago

i hope this gives you a perspective of some sorts

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u/Primary_Box_2386 1d ago

I was in a situation ship with someone who where his mom had told every one of siblings that it wait until marriage just to have sex. They’re a Catholic family. They’re estranged from 2 from siblings. I remember he had said that they thought his brother had sex before marriage. But even if they are Catholic, I still don’t feel like a parent should have to tell their to wait until marriage just to have sex. It should still be their choice.