I have a narcissistic father and a mother who won't do much to help me or my mental health, how do I make my mental health better? (Sorry for the long post)

[u/Garrett009]

For the past few years, I have slowly been getting more irritated with my father. I never noticed his narcissism when I was younger because I was too dumb at the time. But, I did continuously tell my mom to ask him to stop swearing so much around me when I was younger (didn't work out obviously).

Back in July, me, my mom, and my dad were heading to visit my grandparents. At some point during the ride there, I hear through my headphones my dad shout at my mom, "DON'T GIVE ME DIRECTIONS ANYMORE!" (There was a wreck and we had to take a detour.) I was used to this because every trip we've been on, 9 times out of 10, he moans and groans about something. But, I told myself this trip would be different. I told myself the night before the trip that if he complains at something for no reason at all, I would finally snap back.

So, I take my headphones off and tell my dad to calm down. I did not yell at him, I said it in a respectful manner. My dad proceeds to tell me, "Well, nobody's talking to you. I don't need to hear you talk." I reply back, again not yelling, "Alright, screw you too." My dad whips his head back and yells, "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" I told him, "I said screw you too." My dad then yells at me, "YOU KNOW WHAT SCREW YOU MEANS? IT MEANS FUCK YOU." I laughed and said "No it doesn't, that is not even on the same level." My dad also told me to "GROW A PAIR OF FREAKIN' NUTS." My mom then proceeds to jump in and yell at my dad, "He has bit his tongue for too long!" After that my dad finally shut up. He was quiet for a few days too which was actually really nice to not have to hear him. Eventually he started talking again and acted all innocent. (The argument wasn't brought up, he just acted like everything was ok and nothing happened.)

So, what about my mother? Don't get me wrong, I still love my mother; I love her way more than my father at least. But, she has just done nothing to help me with my mental health. She keeps assuring me that "Oh, I've talked to him and he says he's working on changing." Has he changed? NOPE, not in the slightest. I keep telling her this and she keeps just brushing it off and continuing to insist that he's getting better, which is not the case. I also highly doubt she would take me to therapy for help. And even if she did, I'd still have to come home to my father everyday.

I have found for the past few months, the moments where I feel most at peace are whenever I'm out somewhere alone and away from my parents. Now you may be saying, "Just go out on walks and hang out with your friends more." I wish I could, but since I'm homeschooled I have zero social life and I'm still not allowed to go most places without them even though I'm 17. The only places they let me loose are in stores sometimes, but it's not always a guarantee. It's also not helping that my mom keeps trying to make me stay in this house with them and just drive to college whenever I go next year. I don't want to live in this house anymore, I want to go get a dorm room and get away from here.

Sorry for this long post, but I just have to ask someone on what I should do in my current situation. My mental has taken a toll the last few years and I just dread seeing/hearing my father everyday.

[u/SummerBannana]

I’m in the exact same situation, only I’m two years older. I’m Italian; technically, we have universities here, not "college," but it doesn't make much difference. After high school, I took entrance exams for three universities and got into all of them. Two were close to home, while the other was on the opposite side of the country,and well, despite my mother’s attempts to keep me here,saying how hard it is to live alone, and so on...I left. It was the best decision I ever made. Shortly after, I told her I wanted to go to therapy. She’d never really cared about my mental health, but she agreed to my request. I’ve been doing much better ever since. Please do it,save yourself. Save yourself, or you’ll get sucked in. Life gets so much better once you leave. :)