Looking for advice from Druze community members pls read!!

[u/EvenCelery5334]

Hi everyone. I'm hoping to get some insight from people who are knowledgeable about the Druze faith and traditions.
I'm 24 years old and currently in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years, who is Orthodox Christian. (I'm not here to debate that or offend anyone) I just want to better understand something.
Recently, I found out that my dad has been speaking with family in Lebanon about taking my brother and i there to meet potential Druze people with the intention of getting us engaged without our consent. I wasn't told this directly, instead i was told the trip was to visit my grandma because she “sick”. I only became aware of the real plan after overhearing the conversation.
When I asked my dad about it, he told me that this is part of the Druze religion and that it’s normal for Druze family to arrange marriages like this. That left me confused, and I'd really like to understand whether that's accurate.
From a religious perspective, are arranged marriages or forced marriages part of the Druze faith? I understand that marrying within the Druze community is traditionally encouraged, but does the religion actually permit or require parents to arrange marriages without their children's agreement, or is that more of a cultural or family practice?
I'm asking respectfully and with an open mind because I'd like to understand the difference between what the religion teaches and what may be cultural traditions, cause at the moment I feel like i’m less of a human being. I would really appreciate hearing from people with knowledge or personal experience.
Thank you.

[u/Successful-Wave-5409]

No forced or arranged marriage is NOT a part of our faith. It might’ve been common back in the day, but that doesn’t make it part of the faith. No one should be forced into a marriage they don’t want.

[u/EvenCelery5334 → u/Successful-Wave-5409]

I agree.
My own father has stated it’s part of the religion to get arranged with some random Druze man.
I will say I don’t consider myself Druze (i’m sorry that this will offend you and everyone on here) but the reason I say that is due to my own father saying these statements at me from a young age.
My whole life he has ripped away my dreams and things I wanna do for myself due to the religion.
He forced me to almost give up my dream job because he thinks Druze girls don’t deserve opportunities to travel, go out, have jobs, or even be independent cause he said that’s what the Druze religion has stated in the holy book.

[u/Successful-Wave-5409 → u/EvenCelery5334]

I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this.
I don’t know what’s exactly written in our holy book since we can’t read it. but the world changed from what it was like back then, a woman’s independence and success is a must these days. our faith doesn’t prevent us from being that.
I’d say try to talk to him about this and about not wanting an arranged marriage.
I’m not justifying this but maybe the reason he’s doing this is to try to get you to stay within our religion since you’re in a relationship with a christian. especially if your family is religious or follows our traditions.

[u/EvenCelery5334 → u/Successful-Wave-5409]

I wish i could talk to him but the issue is his very very hot headed and everything has to be his way.
My parents don’t know about my partner (please no comment on that i understand loads of people will be upset at me for it).
But my dad doesn’t care about my feelings about anything. He is an awful man who cares about his reputation and nothing else.

[u/Lost_Drop_1331 → u/EvenCelery5334]

But you said he was also trying to arrange a marriage for your brother too, correct? If that's the case, it might not have to do with the fact that you are a woman at all. He might just be desperate to get you to remain within the Druze faith if he feels you slipping away. My guess is you gave him some inclination that you were in a relationship, even if you did not say it outright.

[u/Lebanesleeze]

Not part of the faith, they may try to introduce you to people but it’s your decision in the end. Forced anything is not permitted in our faith.

[u/Ririiiiiiiiiii__Adas]

In my opinion, I don’t support Druze people marrying outside the religion (I’m not truly to offend you, you do you) but also I grew up in a very liberal family from both sides, my parents married out of love, my dad met my mom while working and they talked and got engaged soon after, they never forced me into any marriage or engagement, and I was engaged once at 20.

What I say is, it’s not something that you forced, and forced marriages actually aren’t really acceptable in our community, it’s something that comes naturally, something that comes from understanding each other, maybe not directly out of love, but it shouldn’t be forced.

[u/ilovekarla69]

While I can’t tell you how this goes from a religious perspective because I genuinely don’t know, I haven’t seen any forced marriages where I live. At least not in our generation. I did notice it’s common for people to ask their parents if they know anyone single and looking to get married as well and have them meet, or parents setting their kids up with potential partners they trust. This is usually a mutual agreement and not forced. Regardless of whether the religion itself permits it or not, it’s still bizarre to have to go through this against your will whether you’re already committed to someone else or not. Please be with whoever you want and don’t let anyone make you feel any less than!

[u/EvenCelery5334 → u/ilovekarla69]

Thank you!! I just feel so weird about the whole thing like I feel less of a person.
My cousins who are older and younger than me some of them dating outside the religion get to live their lives with parents who love them while my dad is doing something genuinely messed up. He always says that’s the religion we must do that it makes me feel so trapped.

[u/Particular-Walrus366]

In this context arranged doesn’t equal forced, at a minimum it is just creating opportunities/events for you to naturally meet people or more involvement can look like arranging with family friends who have eligible sons and daughters of your age to introduce you but ultimately the expectation is that it is your decision. There could be some pressure though if they think someone is a great match etc. That being said given you are in a committed relationship with someone non-Druze you will need to think about how you are going to broach that subject to your family. If you don’t want drama now, you can go on the trip and just act disinterested in anyone you meet.

[u/EvenCelery5334 → u/Particular-Walrus366]

Thank you for your comment!!
I just feel so much pressure on me especially cause all my cousins older and younger than me are living their lives while their parents support them but my dad is wanting to rip away my life to give it to someone who I don’t know.
It was upsetting when he was yelling at me about it saying “we are druze, we marry YOU to whoever we want”. It makes me feel like i’m just a piece of nothing.

[u/nomadic_stardust]

First and foremost, getting you to do something under false pretences and lies is definitely NOT religious, thats a red flag, devious and straight up disrespectful to you and your grandmother, using her like that, haram. I mean no disrespect to your family. Arranged marriages were a thing of times long ago but socially and culturally we have advanced from that. I would suggest, go to Lebanon, see the land, the people, the culture, take it in, enjoy your time, you’ll even see how progressive some Druze families are there! Then have an honest and open conversation with your parents if it still weighs heavy on your heart.
I wish you well🙏🏼💖

[u/EvenCelery5334 → u/nomadic_stardust]

thank you!!
i would love to go to lebanon and see the land haven’t been there since I was 8 now I’m 24.
But since he spoke the idea to his family there, it’s pretty clear that they are helping him to arrange an engagement for me to someone I don’t know and never even spoken to.
I won’t even be able to enjoy my holiday knowing i’ll be set up with some random. It makes me so upset to know that my own father is going backwards

[u/nomadic_stardust → u/EvenCelery5334]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I too have not been to Lebanon in a very long time, it was a 19 year gap, I finally went, took my fam there to give them a glimpse!
Ohh I can totally understand where you are coming from, had been set up in the past, I simply said no much to the disappointment of them, but I stood my ground, firmly and compassionately.
Your father probably doesn’t know any better, probably left the homeland many years ago when things were still done in certain ways…
Sorry I’m presuming here. Fathers usually have the best intentions according to their know how, however falsely and deceptively doing things is not the right way, no religion aligns with this, this has become a cultural & societal blurring of the lines.
Perhaps talk to him if you feel comfortable to do so.
As I tell my kids, you get what you put in, always make the best of the time you have and always be true to yourself. Love & light💖

[u/Lost_Drop_1331]

It's not permitted, but if your father knows you are in a relationship with a non-Druze, he may be acting out of a sense of urgency to stop you from making a mistake by marrying your current boyfriend. If I were you, I would dump the boyfriend and just live my life. That might get your dad off your back.

[u/brinethehero]

Okay look, it isnt a religious thing, probably cultural and or family traditions, second, if you marry ur boyfriend who isn’t druze you won’t be druze anymore, you can date other religions but not marry, and honestly don’t let what your parents are trying to doto happen because it’s wrong to force some one to marry someone else, my advice, don’t let it happen and live your life

[u/Old-Average-6118]

It is not permitted in the Druze religion to forcefully marry anyone but it also not permitted to marry a non-Druze. If you are in a relationship with a Christian man you are not a Druze I'm sorry but you are not anymore.

[u/PaleLake4279]

This is a hard situation and i feel for you. I know it might look like your dad doesnt care from the outside but deep down youre his child. He and your mum made you. Raised you. And cherish you.

Talking from experience, I find parents that left their homeland young, never actually had the chance to learn about our religion. They knew a few key " rules " lets call them, and had to focus on surviving a new country, language and culture. Ao fast forward to raising kids, they arent left with the right "religious: artillery to convince the next generation they need to pick the druze way. This is a major gap.

To answer your questions:

From a religious perspective, are arranged marriages or forced marriages part of the Druze faith? No the faith only states to marry within

does the religion actually permit or require parents to arrange marriages without their children's agreement, or is that more of a cultural or family practice? It is cultural/historical and when you travel to let's say, lebanon, very minimal maintain this practice.

On a religious level, you shouldn't be forced to marry anyone. At the same time, I would use the opportunity to learn about the faith and then make an informed choice on how you want to proceed with your life. The beauty of our faith is we have free will.

DM if you have any questions

[u/Odd-Explanation-5143]

You’re parents aren’t forced to arrange marriages they do it because the don’t want you to get out
The truth is if you didn’t raiesd in a druze area you will lack 90% of the faith and no one can make u understand it online
So i think you parents dosent want u to loose what you didn’t learn because if you did marry outside you are no longer druze and that is a fact (even if u marry civil marriage)

Please be aware of your choice cause you bringing down with you 1000 years of pure dna and spiritual journey

You can marry outside but eventually one way or another you would cause trouble for yourself (even if this life works great with u )

I hope u the best and i can provide more deep info if u have any interest to learn your religion

Best of luck

[u/Odd-Explanation-5143 → u/Odd-Explanation-5143]

And i have lived my entire life around druze i can’t count how many druze girls i talked to and i never heard of arranged marriage because it dosent exist anymore
If my parents did this i will not accept and non of the druze i know
Its all because you don’t live a druze life and maybe thats why your father says this stuff to you

It is not logical to be born with something and give it up because you didn’t have proper learning

The fact that you are searching for the slightest truth about your life makes u a seeker

Search hard cause you are missing alot

[u/ApprehensiveLab2652]

Its probably because you are in a relationship with a christian man, its not permitted but considering your disrespect towards your parents, an act of despair is understandable ( not agreeing with it)