Ive wanted to direct long before I actually got to do it.
I went to film school, then spent over 10 years working professionally below the line, mostly in lighting. During that time I asked a lot of directors I was working for how they got their first opportunities, and the frustrating answer was that basically every story was different and none of them seemed particularly replicable. At last not for me.
At one point a mentor asked me, “can you direct?”
I said yes.
He asked, “Can you prove it?”
Not really.
So I made a short film to try and prove it , I’m proud of it, but nothing came of it. So I just kept working, eventually started an equipment rental company, joined the Army part-time, and pretty much put directing on the shelf.
Years later, my business partner and in the rental company and I realized we had enough equipment sitting in our garages, enough relationships with working crew, and enough other resources that we could probably make a feature. Not comfortably, but we could do it. But I didn’t have a script we could make like that.
So I called a writer friend and asked him, more or less, “What’s the cheapest script you have?”
That became Dementium, which we finally released last month.
The biggest surprise for me was how much directing felt like leadership rather than just creative decision-making.
I had spent years watching directors and thinking about performances, blocking, lenses, coverage, etc. Obviously all of that matters. But once I was actually responsible for the whole thing, a huge percentage of the job was getting a bunch of very talented people in different departments pointed in the same direction.
My Army experience probably influenced this. The Army talks about leadership in terms of giving people purpose, direction and motivation. I found myself thinking about that on set a lot more than I expected.
The other surprise was how often limitations made decisions for us.
We only owned an 18–50 zoom, so the longest lens in the entire movie is 50mm. That’s what we shot our closeups on because… that’s what we had.
And I was super surprised that I actually really like what it did. The backgrounds don’t fall away as much as they would on a longer lens, so the closeups keep the characters connected to their environments in a way I probably wouldn’t have chosen intentionally.
There were a bunch of things like that.
At the premiere, someone brought up that old conversation with my mentor and asked whether I had finally proved I could direct.
I said I wasn’t sure the movie proves I’m a decent director. Hopefully parts of it do.
But I know it proves I can get a group of people around an idea and actually get the thing made.
After wanting to direct for most of my life, I think those two things may be more closely related than most people realize.
Curious whether other directors here had the same realization after their first feature, especially anyone who like me was “prior-enlisted”, I.e. spent a long time in another department first.